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hello am looking for someone to talk with . I am 39 wife of a man who has had a tramic head injury, five years ago. Although h does very well and has total moblity he is so child like and needs me to not only be his wife but in many cases i miust treat him as kid. It is a very difficut life sytle we have two boye 15/18 and they have to be more muture than their dad and over look many things he says and does . we are very grounded in the Lord and it has been the only soruce of comfort to my family. I guess i want to know is there anyone who understands what i'm going through and also want to offer a kind habd to anyone who may be going through what i am .
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Hi Sharon.....and Welcome...

Your husband's condition sounds a bit like one of my brother-in-law's. He is 40 now, was hit by a car when he was about 5, and sustained a serious head injury. My husband says he has never been the same since. Differences in his mind's capacity to comprehend, he is also very forgetful, very unreliable, and does not have the maturity one would expect from a 40 year old.
He has been living with us for almost 2 years now because of marriage problems, and my husband and I have begun referring to him as our 40 year old teenager...Not out of disrespect but just to lighten our situation as his irresponsibility has been quite trying at times.
My husband is only 3 years older than his brother yet the differences in maturity are quite evident...As I did not know the family wayyyyy back then I take their word on that this accident is the cause of why he is the way he is. We are just thankful he survived.
Looking at him you would not know his mind has been altered in any way...he works, he drives, etc...although I DO wonder if he would have a job at all if not for working for one of his brother's companies.
Anyways...I guess I vented here about my problem rather than help you much with yours...lol...
I guess we can be thankful they are still with us and are otherwise healthy...try to look on the bright side..
As your children grow and mature and understand they will look beyond his handicap and love him as their father.
I do know their are some head injury support groups around...perhaps you could join one of those..It always helps to be around others who know what you are going through.
You probably are faced with handling most of your families affairs too I would imagine..You are probably finding yourself very organized...
Be proud...You are doing a great job....raising your family and caring for your husband...and Keep the faith...

PrairieGal
Hello Sharon,

Welcome to the site. While I have not had experience with what you are going through, I believe you will find wonderful support here. Caregiving knows no boundaries... the processes, emotions and issues are very similar. For you they are compounded having to take care of your children, and more responsibilities that your husband can no longer do.

It is also understandable that the role shifts have taken place and that you find yourself flipping in and out of being in the wife role as well as the parent role. It must be difficult as a wife having to switch gears when you may be in need of having your own needs met as well.

Are you familiar with any traumatic brain injury sites available to you at this point?
Some sites that come to mind are:
www.caregiver-information.com

http://www.headinjury.com
http://pages.ivillage.com/bh/tbimom/index.html
http://www.caregiving.atfreeweb.com/Health/health.htm

I am sure you will find some incredible support from these sites as more...they will also take you to more available resources.

Please keep us posted..richest blessings
Gail



[This message has been edited by GRM4LOVE (edited 04-06-2001).]
Hi again Sharon...
I just wanted to leave another message here for you regarding others going through what you are.
The other evening in one of the chats here someone told me about a head injury chat she had attended and thought was good.
I didn't check the whole site out thoroughly but I do see they have chats, message boards, and personal stories....so I will leave the URL here if you want to take a look-see... http://tbichat.org/

Take care.....
PrairieGal
thank you for replying to my post. head injury is a very difficult disablity to identify with most ppl don't believe the one with the head injury has anythng wrong with them . It's not like they have a missing limb that ppl can see but in reality they have big parts of their minds missing or damged and some days they do well and others they have trouble with the simplist things . Please just love your brother-in-law and will keep you and your family in my prayers
quote:
Originally posted by PrairieGal:
Hi Sharon.....and Welcome...

Your husband's condition sounds a bit like one of my brother-in-law's. He is 40 now, was hit by a car when he was about 5, and sustained a serious head injury. My husband says he has never been the same since. Differences in his mind's capacity to comprehend, he is also very forgetful, very unreliable, and does not have the maturity one would expect from a 40 year old.
He has been living with us for almost 2 years now because of marriage problems, and my husband and I have begun referring to him as our 40 year old teenager...Not out of disrespect but just to lighten our situation as his irresponsibility has been quite trying at times.
My husband is only 3 years older than his brother yet the differences in maturity are quite evident...As I did not know the family wayyyyy back then I take their word on that this accident is the cause of why he is the way he is. We are just thankful he survived.
Looking at him you would not know his mind has been altered in any way...he works, he drives, etc...although I DO wonder if he would have a job at all if not for working for one of his brother's companies.
Anyways...I guess I vented here about my problem rather than help you much with yours...lol...
I guess we can be thankful they are still with us and are otherwise healthy...try to look on the bright side..
As your children grow and mature and understand they will look beyond his handicap and love him as their father.
I do know their are some head injury support groups around...perhaps you could join one of those..It always helps to be around others who know what you are going through.
You probably are faced with handling most of your families affairs too I would imagine..You are probably finding yourself very organized...
Be proud...You are doing a great job....raising your family and caring for your husband...and Keep the faith...

PrairieGal
Thanks so much Sharon...
And yes we do love him...My husband has always felt a need to watch out for his baby brother.. ..That is why he is living with us now, since his marriage has broken up.
I am beginning to think he will be with us forever more because he just does not seem to have the "focus" to look to the future, whereas I am sure anyone else at that age would be worrying about retirement money or owning another home, etc.
All I have seen in the last 2 years since he's been with us is an interest in video games, his car, and hanging out with friends.
He has no responsibilites any more mostly because of us and sometimes I wonder if that is such a good thing....

PrairieGal
thanks all the Web sites am looking into them . I already had the Tbichat.org one and it is a wonderful site and very friendly . Caregiving is a difficult place to be no matter who it is you care for . But i pray God gives each of you what you will need to keep giving cause as much as we find it it diffucult how do you think they feel. and would like to give Warren a great Big THANK you for helping me find his site . And God Bless you all for caring enough to responed to me !!!!!!!!!!! ((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))) :-)

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