When You Lose It While You Are Caregiving, How Do You Get Back On Center?

Email: jb9922@aol.com

Message:

I lost it big time this last weekend with my Mom. I had worked outside for about 4 hours doing yard work, trimming all of the bushes. The only thing that Mom had to say about all my hard work was " Barbara (my sister) did it different, and it looked a lot better." (Of course that was last year that she did that.) I told her (in words that don't think she knew or that she thought I knew) that from now on she could call Barbara when anything needed to be done. I didn't care if anything ever got done around the house. Her only response to this was "well you don't have to be that way about it." I give up, I'm dammed if I do and dammed if I don't. Thanks for listening Judy

Message:

HI JUDY,

It saddens me that you continue to keep doing and doing. Maybe you need to stop doing so much....stop seeking approval...do some things for you instead. Your mom is not going to change....the change must originate from within you.

Perhaps you can get some counseling to assist you in processing these issues so that you can break the pattern you keep reliving....I mean this from my heart....You deserve more.. much more including some joy and self-satisfaction.

Blessings to you in all you are doing.

LOVE & LIGHT

Gail

Email: jiorns@snet.net

Message:

Your problem got me to thinking. I have had that same reaction from my mother when I did something around the house, it could have been done differently, her way mostly.I usually just go off and work in my garden and stew about how Ma is so critical. But, maybe she just wants to give her opinion because she cannot do the work herself any more and wishes she could. I have been doing things before she has to ask me to do them for her, which seems to keep the comments away. I think she doesn't like having to ask to get things done, as again, she used to do them for herself. How did your sister do the work? Did she just pitch in and do it or was she asked?

I know my mother is very proud and does not like to ask for anything. That is why she is demanding at times, she doesn't ask me she tells me to go get this or do that. My mother raised us kids on her own with no husband and was quite an independent person all her life, how about your's. I do hope I am not out of line here with my comments, it's just that knowing the reasoning behind my mothers attitude helps me to get through some of the nasty times.