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I haven't posted in awhile but I am still here reading everyones posts and remembering all the feelings of anxiety and stress you are all talking about.

I am just not happy and I should be.
I have a wonderful husband and a great kids with 6 terrific grandkids. Hubby and I are leaving in 21 days for our aruba trip to celebrate our 35 th anniversary. I will be starting a new job on monday (I will be a caregiver) It seems I have so much to look forward to, but I am not happy.

I feel sad, tired and somehow very alone.
Everything I do seems to be such a chore anymore.
I feel like I want to crawl into a whole and just die.

What the heck is wrong here???
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I haven't posted in a long time as well, although I occasionally go & read the boards.

I understand the emotions you are referring to. Yes, it does sound like you have so much to be happy for, as do I but for some reason I just can't get there. I lost my Father what will be 2 years on June 3rd. I am beginning to re-live the final weeks before he died. April 30th is when he really started to decline.

I agree with Glenda, I do believe it can all be caused from grief. I am have up & down on the grief roller coaster many times, so days better than others. Everything to me feels like a chore as well. I find myself stressing out over what to make for dinner.

I still care for my Mother 24/7 on the weekends, and this week I am totally alone with her and my 6 month old daughter. I get overwhelmed on the weekends, but I have been alone since last Friday (her care-giver has the flu). My Mother's suffers from Alzheimer's & Schzioprhenia. She isn't as bad as she used to be - not as much screaming and yelling and crying and telling me what a terrible person I am. But she mixes up her days & nights - so WE are awake ALL night and she "rests" most of the day. I cannot rest - as I have to take care of my 6 month old, plus I work from home and have to fit that in as well. So after 7 nights and about a TOTAL of 10 hours of sleep - I am worse than normal (stress wise). But even when things are quiet and I have the companion here - nothing really brings me joy the way it used to.

My family Doctor perscribed medication, which I have been too chicken to start. She thought maybe I had post partum depression combined with the loss of my Father - who was the person I was closest to in the world. I feel lost without him still.

Hang in there - just wanted to tell you - you are not alone.

Hugs,


Janet
Hello Plink and everyone, hey, its been 4 years that my Mother passed and I had trouble finding that reason to be alive again too. I learned that I had to stop thinking of what I had lost and be thankful for all that I had with my Mom. I looked for ways that I am like her, and there are many. Every night, I stand by my kitchen sink and get a glass of water, look up into the sky and see that bright shining star and say 'night Mom'. I have everything to live for also, so I have to believe that my Mom would want me to be happy. And when that day comes that I shall pass, she will be waiting on top that stairway with outstreched arms saying,' welcome home baby girl'. Maybe also you are clinically depressed and need some medication to get ya over the hump. I had some help from some Zoloft and have no regrets. Plink, find that happiness you so deserve! You Mother wants you to have it....
You are definitely not alone in feeling hopelessly unhappy. How do we find a way to change this mood? I don't want to take drugs when I believe my depression is caused from a situation rather than a chemical imbalance. I'd like to try to get out of the situation for at least one week each year. I think having some fun and looking forward to having some fun might make the rest of the year bearable. The problem is I don't know how to arrange for a week's vacation. Does anyone have a suggestion?
I don't know what your situation is, but if hospice is involved, talk with your hospice nurse. Hospice can help you arrange for respite. They can transport the patient to a hospital or care facility for up to 5 days per period. The hospice in my community has several rooms in the hospital that are strictly for hospice patients and the hospice staff arranges for all the necessary care while the patient is there.

If you are not in the hospice program, call them anyway. They may be able to supply you with a list of volunteers or people who will stay with your loved one, probably for a fee, while you get away for awhile. Each community's hospice program varies depending on resources, but it's worth a shot.

If you are caring for a senior and your community has a senior center, perhaps you could check with them as well. These centers do a lot more than play Bingo!

I can relate totally to how all of you feel about being unhappy and sometimes experience the feeling of what's the use. At this time, my mom is stable and things at home are on a fairly even keel. We are in the hospice program and they have been wonderful. But, I have no energy and I'm not happy. My full-time job is very demanding and I'm not happy at work but am too close to retirement to find something else. It's been suggested that I see my health care provider and perhaps get some Zoloft, but I can't bring myself to do it yet. So, I can also relate to the hesitation on taking meds.

Hubby and I are taking a few days in July to visit our son and his family, and my daughters will watch my mom. You are absolutely right ... sometimes just getting away from the situation for even a few days can do wonders. I'm really looking forward to it, and I sincerely hope you can find some help so you can have respite as well.

Dee
Hi plink...

Sorry about how you're feeling..is hoping your new job helps a little..
I have to agree with everyone else..grief can make you feel so devastated and hopeless..those feelings do usually pass in time, but the feeling of loss, or for me anyways..is always there..just gets easier over time..
It's been 6 years since my mom passed away and every so often these feelings of such terrible loss just overwhelm me..can happen any time too...just today I drove by the hospital she'd been in for so long when she first became ill..I just burst into tears..and I mean I pass this hospital daily as it's so close to home..I guess what I'm saying is there will always be those bad days when you're going to feel like you can't go on but you will..our strengths usually appear when we need them most..

hope things are going a bit better for you...
take care
prairiegal

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