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Hi All:

Dad is stable which is all I can say. I don't think we are going to graduate off hospice again... But what do I know???

I know that I have the same anxiety I did during the first hospice but even more so. The waking up in the middle of the night several times a night. Running downstairs and making sure he's covered or comfortable... Waking up in the morning with the same feeling of dread as before.

His breathing is so weak... Yet he is still strong. Today the nurse was here checking on him and he didn't want her messing with him! Of course, I forgot to forewarn him she was coming because she called a the last minute while he was having a massage. I should not have even scheduled her after that... Anyhow, as I ramble on, my point is that she asked me: "Does he always put up such a fight?" and I said "Yes, about certain things he does."

So, he understands everything (for having so much TIA damage according to the doctors). She asked him if "he could tell her if he was in pain?" and he said "yes" - so she took that to mean that he was in pain. So when she asked to point to where he was hurting she got no response. So I said "he didn't say he was in pain..." So of course when she asked him properly, he told her he was in no pain...

Anyhow, I am babbling on here and just wanted to keep you all posted. Need to vent a bit after all... It is not an easy time and when I read some of the old postings I learn something new every day. We could be this way for quite a while and one never knows. All I know is we have made it over one month now...

Hug Time from Glenda
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Thanks for giving us the update. I know it is hard for you that your dad has stabilized in such a fragile state. It sounds as though his ability to reason is still very intact. And I'm glad he can still tell you when he's hurting... and that he's not right now.

Glenda, I just want to say how much it means to so many of us that you take so much of your energy with your contributions to this board. Of course you can have a big hug here, anytime. FREE HUGS FOR EVERYONE!

You and your dear dad are in my thoughts and prayers today.

Love n more HUGS,
I am glad you posted Angel... it's kinda like a deja vu for you with your dad having been there before.. lots of loving hugs coming in your direction... glad to see you posted this for others to support you as you have for them...

and, I am glad to hear that your dad is getting massages which are wonderful and that he is feisty once again... I say keep letting him have his own way.. and keep enjoying and loving him... I can't say, don't have the mixed emotions, but I can support you in relishing these wonderful moments.. is the cup half full or half empty.. when your heart is open and loving, your life flows more easily and you are more fully present for him as well as for yourself.

I know you understand everything I am saying... I know you just need to hear it again... keeping you both in my thoghts and prayers... keep us posted...

blessings angel.


LOL... Wow, I don't know what to say! Thank you all for your postings.

Barb - he is in such a fragile state it is not happy. It is, as Patty says, a roller coaster ride. But, this is really the pitts.

Mimi, I hear you and wish that this could be easier on Dad. He is strong and yet so weak. I have kept telling myself that this stroke hasn't done much damage (mentally that is) but then I pinch myself and say "HE IS BEDBOUND"! This is the worst thing for him...

And, yes Gail, it is deja vu! But hospice is so different this time around. I don't know if they have a bigger budget or Dad is much more serious (as he is) this time. I never got a nurse out before in the evening. This time, they have come at 10-11:00 p.m. if I wanted - I don't however...

I think that my dear Dad will go quietly in his sleep without my interference. Sometimes I feel like I am hovering and other times I feel like I am avoiding... Does that make sense? I think he just wants me to bug off sometimes... But, of course I can't. I can't let him dehydrate or starve to death. But these swinging doors are hard on him.

Love to You All, Glenda

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