The most difficult role I am facing is accepting How My Mother has changed froma very strong person to a helpless person that can't think or do anything for them selfs. She has become a very mean person that like to make you feel guilty for everything. I love my Mother but I do not like the person she has become and I find it hard to talk to her.
Since my Mother has developed dementia, I've lost her mentally and that is hard. I see what use to be my Mother but she is no longer there. She does and says things my Mother would not say and do. She accuses me of things that, before dementia, she knew I was not capable of doing. She doesn't remember my phone calls and tells friends that she doesn't know what she did to have such an awful daughter. It hurts me to see my mom so unhappy in the last days of her life. This may sound cruel but a heart attack would be kindness for her because she is so miserable.
Hello Igreen, I am sorry to hear of what you are experiencing with your mom.Unfortunately, you are not alone..so many family caregivers experience this with their loved ones.
I am not sure how much you know about dementia and Alzheimers, however there is a great amount of support on the internet in terms of message boards, chats etc. Please check out what is available to you under online resources. There are also wonderful chats on AOL, where I know you are a member, so please take advantage of all that is available to you.
You may also want to check resources for organizations and support offline to help you during this time.
I want you to remember that it is the disease that speaks out to you and not your mother's soul. Your mom's soul always knows you are her loving daughter...I was reading a wonderful book where a nurse tried to get into the current state of the patient's mind, following them along in their diaglogue. Meaning ask her what her daughter is doing to upset her so. If you can observe rather than taking it personally, without trying to get her back into your world, work at exploring more of what is in her world which is controlled by the disease, not her.
Please continue to post and even email me if I can offer more support to you.
First, the inability to make it all right, to fix it. Accepting my limits. Second, helping them without causing them embarassment or hurt feelings. As they become more helpless they often do not realize or want to accept it, and they resent being 'treated like a child.' Balancing this is not easy.
ISOLATION; For 14 years we, (my wife and I) have found the need for me to stay home with our 4 children. (1 23 years and still at home with ADHD, 3 ages 17, 15, 14 with a rare degenerative genetic disorder), 3 boys, 1 (15) girl. The youngest three are in diapers, no longer speak, and in the case of 17 boy, and 15 girl now in wheelchairs. Felt that a bit of background was needed.
We have little family left alive and none that is close or visit. Friends now avoid us like we have some sort of disease. The church that I belong too as a child (the pastor informed me) some years ago that we just don't have facilities for your children here. But that is a long story with many things that I could speak about, but will not get into here. Needless to say, what I call Corporate Religion has been no help. Professional help, that to is a long story, one that starts and ends with so many people with so much education thinking that they know what is best when in fact seldom do they have a clue. Local parent support groups; You can find them but seldom do they deal with anything close to the disorder that what we are dealing with. National support groups; Sure there is one. It is called a support group but it has as so many others decided to focus on fund raising efforts (to find a cure) now. The Internet: You can find Caregiver support groups (mainly for those caring for the elderly) and they are good, believe it or not we share many of the same obsticals. You can find men's or fathers groups (found one in Washington State last year and have heard from them just once, to ask for a donation). I have found disability support groups and they to are good up to a point. But one would be amazed at the way women (the major contributors to such) act at the thought of a man doing this work and not out in the world making the almighty $$$.
I could go on and on, but believe it or not I do not want to sound (because I'm not) bitter. Just remember you asked. LOL
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