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Couldn't get any help for husband that has MS and is stiff as a board. Got burndt out after 6 1/2 years, placed in NH (one of the better I has heard, scary) under medicaid. Don't normally qualify for medicaid. Well long story short, they weren't taking good care of him. His feet started swelling up and I kept asking them to look into it. He had a sore on it and it turned into sepsis because they didn't give him medicine and only changed bandage when giving him bath 2 or 3 times a week. I do not want to place in back in NH but I can't seem to find any options. Checked again with medicaid waiver as I have been on list since early 2000. Still no money but they took him off list when went in NH. Now back on the list to wait until I die or husband. He is a vet but can't get in service connected because then they would have to saw that they misdiagnosed him in 1990.

Does anyone out there know something that I don't know. Don't even know if I could care for him alone because now he is much weaker since the sepsis. HELP!
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Donna,

Have you talked with a service officer from a local VFW? Most service officers are very well trained and will do the leg-work for the vet who is in need. They may not always be able to get the vet VA benefits, but many times will know who a vet can turn to for assistance.

If your husband needs hospital care, and he at least in "the system", VA hospitals must help him. A vet does not have to have a service connected disability to receive VA care. Your service officer can explain all available options. It is his/her job to help you through all the legal mumbo-jumbo.

Please, check with your local VFW's for the names of available service officers.

In the meantime, you may also want to check with your local hospice or home health. You really need help, and please don't give up. The VA system and Medicaid system can really be nightmares!

Hang in there, and keep in touch.

Dee
Thank you so much for the help. I never thought of them. I will check it out tomarrow. He is to be discharged from hospital tomarrow and is going to rehab for up to two weeks. After that hopefully I will have something in place. Medicaid waiver still doesn't have money until July and don't know where they will put him on the list. Been on the list for almost 7 years and counting. Don't know if the doctor ordered anything (people, HHA or PT) for after he gets out of rehab.

Been on the phone for 3 days with no results, so frustrating.

Thanks again for your help.
Donna,

When I realized that I needed help with my mom, I had to keep on the doctor and had a sit-down consultation about hospice and/or home health. But, just a few days prior to that, I personally called hospice. It was definitely a hassle for the first several weeks ... coordinating between the doctor's office and hospice, but once he signed off on it, the ball really got rolling. It does sound like your husband may qualify for hospice as he is condition seems to be progressing more rapidly now.

I know how it feels to have a telephone glued to your ear for what seems like forever. But, please, don't give up. Sometimes you really have to hassle them to get the results and help you need and your husband deserves.

Keep in touch, and take care.

Dee
Donna, believe it or not, you really are getting somewhere. You are making every effort humanly possible and you haven't given up trying. It's only when a person gives up that they get no where. You are posting on the boards, reaching out and asking for advice. That's getting somewhere.

There are so many days when I just want to give up and crawl back into bed and forget the whole world exists. Sometimes the responsibilities of working, taking care of my mom, working with hospice, taking care of my home, etc., all overwhelms me and I just ask myself, "What's the use?" That darned hampster wheel just seems never to stop turning. Unless...

I jump off and actually try to go somewhere with whatever resources I have available. Some days, I take a mental break and say, "The heck with the housework, it'll still be there." I'll pull a Scarlett O'Hara! Then, I draw, or cross-stitch, or play around on the computer, or get out my camera and just start snapping pictures of the outdoors.

I know and totally understand that you have so much to do; phone calls to make, coordinating to do, etc. But, please, try to pull a "Scarlett" for at least 1 day and rejuvinate. You need it and deserve it!

Dee
Hi Dee,

Yes tomarrow is going to be my day of doing nothing. I have been going all day today and this is the first time I sat down. I got his clothes out of the other place and of course they had them packed but they had all the clean clothes with dirty ones, now I am doing the laundry. Tomarrow I think I will only visit him for a little while and just do nothing.

Sometimes I do get to overwhelmed and then stop which isn't a good thing either. I need to find a happy medium.

My house, oh my, it is a mess because I haven't been doing anything this week but going to the hospital and on the phone. It will get done soon.

I told my kids tomarrow is my day of piece and quiet and if they start fighting with each other they are all going to their rooms.

Dee, have a wonderful weekend.
Dear Donna,
I just wanted you to know there are others "out here" praying for you, dear angel. You have so much on your shoulders. I hope you do take time tomorrow for yourself - you really have to, because if you don't, you simply won't have anything left for your kids or your husband. I hope you get answers soon about your husband's care.

Warm regards,
Miriam

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