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lgreen
Member posted 04-17-2000 03:11 PM
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quote:
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Originally posted by GRM4LOVE:

Intimacy means different things to different people....while "sexual" intimacy comes up for most...I am referring to being intimate in the sense of sharing your deepest thoughts and feelings with a loved one. If you caregive to your spouse, the level of intimacy is different than if you are caring for a parent. And if both parents are alive, how do you perceive their own personal intimacy relationship...
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I care for my Mother and wish she was closer. My parents were never ones to hug you and tell you they loved you, but you knew that they did. Now, my mother is more distant. My dad passed in '88. I think they were born and raised in that generation that hugging and saying I love ya was a sign of weakness. I missed it and miss it now.
I see others at the Alzheimers care center that seem closer, more loving but I know, in my heart they do not love their loved one anymore than I do.

Lou


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GRM4LOVE
Moderator posted 04-18-2000 11:46 AM
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Dear Lou
Not being able to express love and hug are definite ways of the older generation...and it goes further back to the way that they were brought up as well.
Six weeks before my dad passed, we had a huge fight...I know I have written the story somewhere else here at the site...he told me I should apologize to him...He was feeling sorry for himself. I told him that the only thing I was sorry for was that he could not express his love to me, that he couldn't hug me, that he couldn't acknowledge me...and I stormed out of the apartment and went down to the ocean to walk.
On my return Dad finally broke down in tears and said that he was always keeping up this macho image that had been drilled in to him by his parents, society etc...that he had to be the strong one and not show his own vulnerability...and most of all that he didn't want to jinx me...we hugged like we never did before...

just remember, their inability to express does not mean that they don't love and appreciate us and all that we are doing. They are fighting so much of their own conditioning, their own beliefs, their fears and issues...

be gentle and nurturing with yourself Lou...you are a very special soul...with much love and many special gifts...

Richest blessings to you...

IN LOVE & LIGHT
GAIL
Original Post

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I THINK THE MOST IMPORTANT ASPECT CONCERNING LOVE AND INTIMACY IS UNDERSTANDING ONE ANOTHER AND BEING THERE FOR THE ONE YOU LOVE SO DEARLY AND SHARING WITH THEM YOUR INNERMOST FEELINGS,DREAMS,INTERESTS, AND LOVE. ALSO HAVING A OPEN DOOR TO COMMUNICATION.BE YOURSELF,ACCEPT OTHERS FOR WHO THEY ARE AND GIVE AND SHARE FROM THE HEART.

CINDY
Even though I was never shown much love as a child and grew up not receiving much love and then trying to figure out who I am as a person and having to accept myself which was extremely hard and still is for me...I share my love the best I know how to and through many broken relationships I've learned that if you don't have an open one and there's no communication whether with family,friends,lovers; whoever...you might as well stay clear from love and intimacy.

Cindy

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