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This has been a lousy day!!! I can't seem to get my Mom out of my head!!
I seem to be crying all day long!!!

I wish I had my family that I could talk to them. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have someone to talk to Mom about.

I have no real freinds or family anymore. sometimes It seems like I am so alone. everyone has gone back to their normal life and have forgotten that I am still in so much pain.
Why can't people see that when you lose your Mom it takes longer than a few months to get over it?
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(((Hi Patty)))

Let the tears flow... I know how the loneliness feels. It seems like we go through years of isolation just to get to this spot in life after losing our loved ones. It doesn't seem fair... And people are so ignorant unless they have experienced the same loss and pain...

When my brother was out picking up the things the siblings wanted, his wife called. The last thing she said to him (loud and clear) was "don't buy her lunch!" Well, doesn't that say a lot? Family is so unbelievable...

I guess that is what makes the boards so precious to us all. At least here we have friends to support us. Know that we are all here for you Patty. God bless you for all you have done and you are in our hearts and prayers that you will get through these long, hard and dreary days...

Love and Hugs from Glenda
{{{Patty}}}

I'm sorry it's been so rough for you. I wish I could reach through the computer and give you a gentle hug and rock you and tell you it's okay. Do you even have a pet or a stuffed animal to hug?

I get stressed about money this time of year. I was so on edge driving to the nh to see my mom. She loves for me to just prattle on. I feel so much better, even though nothing has changed. I know when her time comes, I'll feel the same way you do now. Heck, I'd loan you my mom if I could.

Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers today.

(More) hugs,
Barb
Dearest Patti, I so understand what you are going thru. Firstly, realize that you are probly going thru alot of anxiety with the Holidays coming up and it being your first without your Mom. This will be my 4th and I hate to say that my heart still feels the emptiness. But I have learned to cope and fill my heart by doing things for those less fortunate than I. The more I do, the less emptiness I feel. Secondly, my entire family has not said a decent word to me since my Mom passed and my Dad is still alive and kicking at 94. I am still learning to accept that fact! But it his their loss and I can not change it. Also, when I stare out in my yard and see deer, I do believe that is my Moms way of saying for me to be at peace in my heart. Patti, you will be OK. It's a path far too many of us caregivers have been down. Please take care, Dear....
(((Hi Patty)))

I know how you feel. My Mom died 20 years ago and I fulfilled the "one who can handle it" role and held everyone else up (6 siblings) and had to put my own grief on the back burner. It wasn't until 3 months later that it hit me that she was gone forever and I fell apart. When I tried to tell folks that I was sad about my Mother, they would act surprised and as if I should have been past that stage of grieving. What I can tell you is that grief is a process and there's no hurrying it. My Mom has been gone for 20 years and I still miss her. The pain doesn't go away, but it changes from being gut-wrenching to bittersweet. I was amazed at the times that I would miss her most (even though she had been an alcoholic). The few times that I have been really ill since she passed away, there were times when the tears would roll because all I wanted was my mother to be with me--it made me feel silly because I am an adult! But I wasn't ashamed, there is a part of each of us that will always want our mother--I don't think there is any other relationship that compares, whether you had a good or a bad mother. Other times when I'm aware of what she is missing ( seeing the antic of her grandchildren and now my own grandchildren--I have a granddaughter that looks so much like my mother's childhood pictures--wouldn't my Mom get a kick out of that!).
I wish there was something tangible I could do to help you, but what I can offer is the encouragement to do just as you are doing--grieve your loss, don't deny it and don't hold it in. My heart goes out to you and you are not alone. I won't say that it will get "better", but it will CHANGE, nothing ever stays the same for long (good or bad). Blessings to you right where you are!
"DITTO" I have and still am going through this same grief --- my Mom passed now six years later and taking care now of my ill father. Siblings would not mention her name, Father cried for two weeks and then her name was gone "to the wind" - God connected me with my cousin from childhood 42 years later --- she was my "lifeline" - and another friend. My siblings don't want to talk to me about our Dad now --- they can't deal with what we are dealing with. Somehow all of us have in our minds that grief can be "done" on our terms and it will come out of all of us, even if it is 20 years up the road. It does get better and you will find that it will be the most unusual or the most common "anything" that happens in daily life that will bring it out, and in most times --- you will see it is starting to get better. It starts to heal within us. Sadly, those who keep so busy to try to keep it away --- it hits the hardest, and then we realize we are all wired so differently, some of us are so weak, and some of us are strong only because of the hardships we have endured --- human beings ---- so complex, we're not supposed to even understand --- life sure is a long journey, and we all get to where we are going pretty much down the same path ---- we all are such unique individuals ---- such a journey. Looking back, I'm thankful for what I've learned along the way, and thankful for what I will learn from today!
Love & Prayers ........ Vickie
PS: It does get better!
dear plink,
been there, done that. My mon died Feb. 6 of 04 after being sick for two weeks(long story) For some reason my dad didn't think it should bother me that my mom died. Only him. I felt like the rug had been pulled out frrom under my ife and like no one understood. I cried alone. for a very long time. Now I am carring for my father. He was paralized in July. Moms birthday was yesterday and no one even remembered that it was here birthday. that made me feel very sad. Like no one remembers moms day or mom. The whole world is about taking care of dad now. At least my whole world is. My brother comes and stays with him for a few hours three days a week. that might sound like a lot. but he has to have someone with him constantly, when he is awake. Day or night. While my teenage kids take care of themselves. How did life get like this. I wish you the best and hope you make it through the grieving process. I picked up a couple good books that helped me at least to realize I wasn't alone. Lots of others have traveled the long hard road of grief.
journaling did help me alot also. A computer is a great place to do that. Good luck and hugs and prayers.
Thank you all so much. I managed to get through the rest of the day on friday. Saturday was spent baking cookies with my 3 daughters and all 6 of the grandkids!! We talked about Mom and how we all missed her and how tough this Christmas is going to be......that helped alot.

Thank you all so very much for being here.
This truely is a most wonderful place.
Patty
Hey Precious Girl: You know, it must be ever so tough and all is so fresh. I pray that God will show you that you have so much to live for --- three daughters!!!!!!! - and baking cookies!!!! Oh Precious Girl: Do know you can have a beautiful Xmas with your girls! I have never had children, and all my Xmases had to be done for "someone" else, and you can turn this into something so memoriable for you and your children! Maybe have each write a note, put it on the tree as an ornament, and then have a special time to read each one ---- and each year ---- write another note, make it to be little decorations (angels, or pictures of your Mom - anything to bring up the good memories - and, for me ---- I chose to help children who had very little, and folks who had no one at Xmas. I will be leaving my Dad to be with my husband for two weeks, and it will be the toughest thing I've ever done, but as long as Dad can still do just a little for himself ---- then, I pray for God to keep me strong to do for my marriage too. SO, now ---- you have so much to look forward toooooooo- bake a cookie for Mom, freeze it and know she is so proud of you and the mother you are --- look who taught you! God Bless You ----- grief is so real, and we all understand ---- it is just a part of life! I pray God to give you the strength he has promised us, and now Lord - hold this child in your arms, show her that you offer her the comfort and strength she needs to do your will ---- as she has already honored you in her heart and done it so right to honor her mother! God Bless You - you deserve a big hug ---- and for me, give those precious daughters a big hug!
Love & Prayers ......... Vickie

PS: Grandkids too --- just think of what all you could do to hold onto your Mom's memory each and every year! I have to go out and find the kids, in the church or in some other way ---- you've got them right there at you ------ WOW!!!! You got a housefull, and you seem so creative!! You're gonna get through this --- baby steps!
Hugs to a beautiful Mom ----- her name is Patty!!!!!!

[This message has been edited by Vick (edited 12-11-2006).]

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