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Hello Everyone,

 

I have been speaking with many former family caregivers and I have decided to start this topic so that others can see that there is life and opportunities and healing after caregiving.

 

I promised to post more frequently... I have been doing several installations with my Crystal Illumination Art here in Mexico these past two weeks and I am preparing to go back to NYC for one to two months in order to take my apartment back and continue with my new business endeavor from the city.

 

You are all in my heart, thoughts and prayers... It's been a long journey for me since my final family loss but I have lots to share as I am sure others do as well about their journeys and how they are evolving.

 

Richest blessings to you all

 

Gail

 

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Hi Gail

 

I couldn't agree more in that this forum is needed in the healing and moving on process. I don't know what I would have done without it!! It's been over 2 years but I still feel I have long way to go.

 

Something I have been struggling with is my complete lack of emotional strength. I'm not sure if its connected to my introversion and being very drained around a lot of people, but when I've had too many things going on its like my emotional energy 'bar' goes flat and I got straight into fatigue and tears. it's happened so many times now I told hubby to please not book two social things over the same weekend because I just can't handle it. He is more the free to go by himself, but more likely than not he wants me with.

 

He told me afterwards that he did some research on family caregivers and he said it could take me years to fully heal and recover, added to that I'm still caregiving for ma in the backseat, so whatever strides I may take in taking care of myself, one sms from her berating me about something tears it all down again. I still get tense whenever she texts me, whenever she calls I feel like a condemned prisoner being reminded that my death date is getting nearer now. It crushes me inside - and I wonder why I have so little emotional strength!

 

Sk

Hello SKwirl...

 

My apologies for not responding sooner... I was in transition trying to get from Mexico to NYC to take my apartment back from the sublet tenant. I had three installations with Crystal Illumination Art to do that were very important and upon my arrival here, I found out how the tenant trashed my beautiful apartment and have been immersed in straightening it all up..it has been quite upsetting to me, but the two years gave me a chance to create a new business, a new life etc that will have me living in both countries.

 

I think that onelifetolive has summed it all up beautifully.... overwhelm. When we are in the daily role of caregiving, we keep pushing to get through it all. Our bodies are continuously operating in flight  mode taxing our adrenal glands... and we are unaware of the daily stresses that compound and effect our bodies. You are still young but were faced with not only the care of and then the placement of your mother.. you changed jobs, the commute all while caregiving etc... and even a new relationship, a marriage, the worries about having children, finances etc... even with a dear, loving hubby... all of these are huge upheavals and put different stresses on the body..the adrenal organs play a major role in our hormonal system and your adrenals are most likely fatigued and this is something you should check into as they throw our emotions off etc.. we become so vulnerable every little stress throws us off, and if they are bigger stresses it can really throw a loophole into the picture.

 

It has been 7 years since my mother passed..While I am considerably older than you, it effected my thyroid and adrenals...when I first moved to Mexico two years ago, I started to actually feel human again.. that was after 5 years of working homeopathically to balance my system... The stresses of starting the new business pushed me back and things like this tenant set me back again.  Writing to you is a good reminder of how fragile our bodies are in these states.. it is necessary to begin to care for ourselves in the same way we care(d) for our loved ones. Simplifying our lives, controlling how we choose to let situations and things effect us.

 

I am taking my own advice once again and have begun to journal on a daily basis and meditate again. I go back and forth with eating healthy. Sugar blues really kick in during these off periods for me and naturally I go for chocolate and all the wrong things... this is the worst as it only compounds the situation more.

 

When you get to the bottom of it, no one is responsible for our health or well being but ourselves. We have choices in any given moment how we will take charge or control of our lives, which is the only thing we really do have control over. Taking long walks, wonderful hot baths and really deciding how we want to live our lives is what is vitally important. It is also important to look into our conditioning, to see how our parents responded and acted.. because as much as we hate to admit it, we have taken a lot of their cah cah on without realizing it.

 

My thoughts have just stopped running through my mind so I feel as if I have addressed what was coming through...

 

Let me know what your thoughts are..

 

blessings dear angel...

gail

 

Hi Gail

 

You're so right, I've been thinking a lot about the long term 'damage' and then trying to see ways to re-balance things. So far I'm journalling each day, and enjoying my scrapbooking.

Since I was getting so many bladder infections, I'm now eating cranberries every morning and night and wonderfully I've had no recurrence. All the bits help and I'm actually feeling way more in control of myself. I'm also trying to be way more aware of how I'm reacting to things, and actively finding ways to lessen my stress.

 

One big one is the shopping... the other night we were getting a few things for a braai (barbecue) we were having that weekend and since it was month end the place was packed. I tried to stand with them in the queue, which was long and the place actually felt extremely hot because of the huge crowd. After just a few seconds I went to stand right at the back at the fridges to cool down, then finally told hubby I'm going to wait outside. I waited at the entrance to the Mall for him to finish. That occasion just taught me that if I can't handle this right now, you don' t have to, just leave, gather yourself and you'll be much better for it.

So far hubby is taking on more of the little bits of shopping and I'll keep on encouraging that because right now, dealing with loads of people in a crowded place feels like I'm going to go mad.

 

I'm so sorry that your tenant trashed your apartment! I also rent and I can't understand it when people trash a place that doesn't even belong to them!! Our new place was also in a state because the previous tenants didn't have a thing for cleaning... oh boy. You should have seen the mould in the bathroom. EW!

 

Thank you again for your kind words. With time and attention our tired and battered selves will be healed.

 

Much Love

Sk

Hi Ladies.. glad to hear you are more in touch and pulling back SKwirl and glad you like the topic onelife... it is impt to see caregiver transitions back into the world once their caregiving is completed... so much residual goes forth with us and many are not aware of the new challenges faced. healthwise, physically, emotionally etc...

 

It's been really difficult for me to post because so much is going on in my personal life but I still want to remain connected with the caregivers because it is vitally important and I feel good about being of service.. so there may be long periods of lapse and I will always return...

 

g

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