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Dear Gail:

Thank you for sending me a copy of the chat last night. I appreciated the discussion and getting to know Jan and Gloria.
Thank you for your offer this afternoon re phone call. My server was down until this evening so I did not get that message until tonight. It's been a very sad day. I've been a mess most of the day. Trying to work on getting unstuck. I need my energy and I need to be there for Dorothy. Her eyes hold so much sadness, Gail. They were always so full of life and sometimes those hazel eyes would seem to twinkle when she smiled. I miss her so. I feel her absence deeply...yet am grateful I can still go see her. I loved her all these years...I love her now as she is...and that is forever. Please pray for me as I try desperately not to obsess about my own health. I don't want to be stuck in my pain...and right now I know that I am. My fear is hurting me also. Thank you.
Original Post
Hi Melissa,

It was so good to see you in the chat. Glad you enjoyed Jan and Cloria as well. Also glad the log helped you. so much was said, I just wanted you to be able to review it and let everything absorb when you were in an easier state....

I think you are doing very good Melissa, all things considered. Many caregivers grieve before the person is truly gone from their physical body. It is very very normal. So much is gone at this point in your relationship with Dorothy. Sometimes the awareness is more difficult while our loved ones are alive as opposed to finally when they finally make their transition. You are doing the best you can, you are not isolating yourself. You are reaching out for support and receiving it and moving forward. Sometimes it is by baby steps, one at a time, and sometimes it feels as if we are leaping backwards, but in the bigger picture that the Higher Power has for all of us, it isn't as bad as it feels in the moment we are experiencing it.

As far as the obsessing with your own health, I hope your therapist will be back soon to help you as well as what we are offering you here. Every little bit helps to keep you optimistic and open to receive good outcomes which you deserve. The very fact that you can acknowledge your fear, will assist you to move through it.

Remember we cannot have a positive and negative thought in the same moment. When you find yourself moving into thoughts of fear, cancel the thought and think of love, think of Dorothy's love, think of the love we have had for you here, think of your brother and think of others who truly do love you and feel our presence with you...

Most of all keep posting so that you aren't alone in what you are feeling...

Richest blessings.
Love & light
Gail

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