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My mom hasn't been well the last few days and I'm scaring myself thinking of all the possibilities. I'm trying to tell myself that it's a temporary setback, but I'm truly worried that she may have suffered a TIA.

How do you live with all of these feelings? I was already a bit depressed before mom had her major stroke because of my job situation. Add to that all the feelings that came on when she had the stroke plus the realization that her attending physician couldn't have cared less if mom lived or died. Then the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach and my heart, having to go through mom's house and sell all of her stuff so that she could move in with my brother until I could move across country to take care of her. And now the difficult adjustment of living with dementia and dealing with my own failings and shortcomings. As well as realizing how alone I am in this since pretty much all but one of my siblings are not very supportive or helpful and all of my good friends are way across country.

I want the chance to get through the adjustment period and come to a place where mom and I are able to have a really good relationship. Where I've totally accepted the dementia instead of trying to fight against it. Where I'm more comfortable with this huge responsibility. I think I can get there. I really do. Mom and I have already come so far. If only there's time.

I really love my mom and I hate losing her in bits and pieces like this. It's so hard. It's like a perpetual state of grief.

[This message has been edited by rdes (edited 08-16-2007).]
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Please try not to be so hard on yourself. You are so courageous and selfless for all that you have done and are doing. There are just some things we mortals cannot control. We can educate ourselves and try to plan, but life (ours and our loved ones) will happen the way it does... and so will death, in it's own time. Please give yourself permission to have bad days, and yes to grieve, but also try to find those little moments of joy.

I hope you have a chance to take some "you"-time.

Rdes.... I so understand the situation you are in.
My husband had Strokes, TIAs... then vascular Parkinsons, then vascular dementia. I gradually saw the fear and lost space the dementia brings but there were also very good moments. We got very good at sitting quietly, with gentle music and he liked being stroked/massaged with essential oils. I had one very good friend who investigated combinations... so think along these lines.... some relax, some ease their stress, so many combinations you can make... probably helps us too.
One of the hardest things was keeping my mouth shut as one too many words could set him off on a stressfull mind journey.
Take care... I can assure you that you won't regret the love you show her. I can now smile (even knowing I was less than perfect on many, many days)
x Alison

[This message has been edited by AlisonM (edited 08-16-2007).]
Thank you both! Mom went to the doctor today and the problems are due to a decrease in kidney function and a chronic bladder infection. I'm just so happy that it wasn't a TIA! Unfortunately, the bladder infection is resistant to a lot of antibiotics and the ones it isn't resistant to are proving difficult to come by.

Sorry to be so brief, but I have a ton to do. I'm still on a rollercoaster of feelings, but at least I feel like mom and I have been given a little more time at this stage of her dementia instead of progressing to the next stage.

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