My mom hasn't been well the last few days and I'm scaring myself thinking of all the possibilities. I'm trying to tell myself that it's a temporary setback, but I'm truly worried that she may have suffered a TIA.
How do you live with all of these feelings? I was already a bit depressed before mom had her major stroke because of my job situation. Add to that all the feelings that came on when she had the stroke plus the realization that her attending physician couldn't have cared less if mom lived or died. Then the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach and my heart, having to go through mom's house and sell all of her stuff so that she could move in with my brother until I could move across country to take care of her. And now the difficult adjustment of living with dementia and dealing with my own failings and shortcomings. As well as realizing how alone I am in this since pretty much all but one of my siblings are not very supportive or helpful and all of my good friends are way across country.
I want the chance to get through the adjustment period and come to a place where mom and I are able to have a really good relationship. Where I've totally accepted the dementia instead of trying to fight against it. Where I'm more comfortable with this huge responsibility. I think I can get there. I really do. Mom and I have already come so far. If only there's time.
I really love my mom and I hate losing her in bits and pieces like this. It's so hard. It's like a perpetual state of grief.
[This message has been edited by rdes (edited 08-16-2007).]