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Just talk with me please.

My daughter at 37 finally met a wonderful man. They were married June 1st 2013. Nov. 2013, he got sick, was taken to emergency room.  2 brain tumors, one inoperable.  One taken out immediately as life threatening. He's 44. Then blood clot, coma, 2 strokes.....He's home now.  Still learning to talk, eat, walk, write. Haven't even addressed chemo yet.   My daughter's in-laws live within a few minutes of them.  I live an hour away.  Unfortunately his family is beyond useless except to throw excuses and stones. Home care aide is unreliable, can't afford to go through an agency. Every couple of days there is another explosion of some kind.  My daughter lives on the ceiling.  I can't peel her off. My phone rights at 4 in the morning all the time.  I'm to the point my whole body shakes for hours after.  I sound terrible don't I?  I feel hysterical. I want to cry.  I'm the only one my daughter can call that will drop everything for her as much as I can without jeopardizing my job.  I don't know what to do, or think or where to turn.  Would somebody please just talk to me.. please?

Jan's mom

Original Post

Hi Jan’s Mom:


What a tragedy for everyone in the family! Your son-in-law is so young and has been dealt such a cruel blow… And so has your beloved daughter!!! They were so newly married. 


Your daughter is so blessed to have you in her life. I am sure you help immensely and that is hard on you too. Unfortunately during these times of crisis, some things do have to give. When I was caring for my father, my sister would come to visit and say things like this yard looks worse than ever – lol. Needless to say, there was just one me. But, I guess, when these crisis do hit, people say thoughtless things because they don’t know how to handle the situation even if they think they do. It's not easy watching someone relearn the basics every day.


All I can say, after my mother’s passing just recently, is emotion run high during these times. It’s just so painful for everyone. It is very easy to find something to make an issue or argue over. I think that it helps to let 99% just go by especially during times like what your family is going through. Also, I hope there are some boundaries as to visits from family members that don’t help….   


It sound like you need some help. There are some volunteer organizations that do help in situations like these. The one that we have in WA is Faith in Action. They do some things like shopping, light housework, transportation, etc. I am not sure where they provide services but they are a Catholic organization I believe so a good place to start looking for some help is in the local churches.


Please know that you are not alone. It is a roller coaster ride and the challenges are difficult to overcome. You and your beloved daughter and son-in-law are in my thoughts and prayers tonight.


Love and Hugs, Glenda 

Last edited by glenderella

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