Staying focused~

Hi Robin.

What kind words for all. You are absolutely right. The rollercoaster of emotions takes it's toll. I cannot speak for anyone else, but for me, what keeps me going is my life. I realize this is a temporary situation. Now, I also realize that temporary can be defined as a short period, or a long period of time. But it's not definite. I have enjoyed many phases of the cargiving and I try to think of those. Like the smile on my father's face last night when I brought home fresh strawberry's and ice-cream. Just like a little kid! On the real bad days, I sit and think and remember how much I do miss him when he is in the hospital and that if he did not make it, I would be crushed. I would move on of course, but that grieving period is so painful. So, when I am feeling mad at him, the situation, whatever, I try to recall the feelings, the raw ones I have when it is touch and go.
Hugs,
Sue

What gets me through the emotional rollercoaster? Wow...sometimes I wonder if I am. LOL

Seriously, there are a lot of things.

First is Wayne. He is so strong. Even when he is grumpy he manages to somehow to make us laugh.

As hard as it is somedays, I remind myself he could have died so many times in the past but for some reason, God has decided to let us enjoy each other one more day.

First cup of coffee....I allow myself to have the first cup of coffee every morning by myself. No phone, no tv, no chores, no one talks to me. It is my time to savor the quiet of the morning, thank God for the day and ask Him to guide me, and gather strength for whatever comes this day.

I have this board where I can write my frustrations, concerns, and feelings. Then I return 15 minutes later to read what I wrote but I read it as if someone else wrote it. Then I can see things in a different light...because when it is MY situation I can get so involved that I can't see the obvious.

Allowing myself to cry. There is nothing wrong with letting it out. I know I will miss Wayne terribly because I have spent so much time with him. Every so often I see myself without him here and my eyes start filling with tears. I have learned it is okay to let them fall.

Knowing that one day Wayne will be waiting for me. One day I will join him and he will be waiting to show me how he can breath, how he run and jump, how he play with all the children, when his body will work perfectly. Knowing that my mother and my grandmother will be there to greet Wayne when his time on this earth is over. In a way, I am jealous of Wayne because he won't feel pain, sorrow, or hurt anymore - he will be with Mom and Memere and I will have wait. So, while I am missing him, the other two women will embrace him and love him and enjoy him. And meanwhile....I will do everything I can to make him comfortable until he joins them.

Lou

More than anything, what gets me through this, is taking time to sleep.. taking time to do things to help me heal more.. and to remain focused in my intentions..

I think the most difficult issue of late has been not feeling responsible for my mother's conditions, pain etc.. looking more objectively and less emotionally so I don't get as drained.. understanding and supporting her.. but if doctors don't have answers, I sure as... don't...

trying to listen to uplifting music, inspiring movies, dancing, gettting out in the fresh air, walking and socializing.. sharing and talking with others.. no one thing.. journal writing, which I, myself need to get back to...

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