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that he would pass on. And then I feel wracked with guilt that I think that!! Is this normal? To be so tired and disheartened that you just think it would be better for everyone including them if they just passed on?? My spouse truly has no joy in life. None! He actually does, he just does not see it at all. He feels everyone is his enemy and out to get him. When asked if he is ok, he replies "I have not been ok for years. What is there to be ok about?" My family says to leave him. I cannot. I truly feel God put me here to be the one to help him. I do love him. I love the healthy man. Not the sick and deluded one which is taking over more and more. Thank you for letting me vent. I just get so tired like we all do.
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Dear Dawn:

It is sad that your husband feels as he does... It is hard to live with someone who is always suffering from the blues. I think it is only natural at times to wish that our problems would just go away! However, when that means that we are wishing another dead, guilt is pretty normal for thinking such a thing...

So, of course that isn't the answer. Your husband needs help to get over whatever it is that has him feeling so hopeless and helpless. Could it be that these feelings relate to his brain injury? Sometimes, it seems that when there is a physical problem that is chronic or can not be overcome, it can cause one to lose hope.

It is likely that your husband needs therapy to work through this. The choice may be to get help or stay in his "funk". He may not be able to get through this alone...

It might help if you start with couples therapy. That way you can put yourself in a safe environment to let him know how you feel. Hopefully, this could lead him to getting the help he needs if such is the case. But, to start with, I think it is important to begin creating a more healthy environment for you and your family!

These are just my thoughts on the subject... I hope they make some sense and are of help to you. Just know, my thoughts and prayers are with you to find peace and hope again with your husband during this new year.

Love and Hugs from Glenda
Dear Glenda,
Thank you for your quick and helpful reply. He does see a therapist once a month but I have been encouraging him to go more often. I truly feel he needs to be able to talk to his therapist and vent to him. It seems to always do him so much good when he goes to see him. I know his feelings are due to his head injury as well. He has gotten worse over the last several months. It has resulted in his alienating a lot of people which leads to him thinking everyone hates him. He truly cannot see that his own words and actions are what is causing people to avoid him. I mean, how many times can you be called every name in the book and not want to avoid someone? The one thing that does bug me is that I know he is telling "his side" of the story and that side often is rather disillusioned. He lives in another world at times and that is what gets told to the therapist. I want to be able to tell his therapist the other side but that just isn't possible. Thank goodness I can come on here and spew without judgement! Thank you!!
Hello Dawn,

Perhaps you can ask hubby's therapist to see him weekly or twice weekly if it is helping... and perhaps you can attend some sessions so that you can share your fears when he is angry.

My sense is that hubby may have harbored a lot of anger prior to the brain tumor but since its manifestation the anger has been magnified...

My concern is for you as well... that you are not physically hurt by him in an outburst.

Please keep us posted..


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