It's been a while since I have posted here, although I have been coming here and reading your posts. I'm hoping to get some input from you.
A quick overview...mom lived with me for about a year..she has Alzheimer's. At the time, I got very little help from either of my two sisters. At the time, I did what you are NOT suppose to do...full time job, also caring for mom, just burned out and mom ended up going to my sister to live. She's now been there 2-1/2 years.
My BIL has not spoken to me most of that time and nothing has ever really been said, but I had a feeling as to why. My other sister picks up my mom for a full weekend every month. When I was asked to do this, I said no, I simply cannot. I am still dealing with some health issues from when mom was living with me. I pick up my mom two Sundays a month, for the entire day.
Mom is well into Alzheimer's. She does not know she has grandchldren, or great grandchildren, or where she lives, or what year it is and many times has no idea who I am, yet I continue to spend those Sundays with her, mainly to give my sister and BIL a break for the day.
I find out today from my sister that my BIL is "very resentful, hurt and upset" because he feels I am not pulling my share, because I won't take my mom overnight or for a weekend.
If I talk to my friends or my DH about this, I feel as if they are saying things I want to hear. This is really upsetting me.
I am my mom's POA...she is not wealthy, but does have a monthly income that affords her in home caregiving. She has an aide come in six days a week, from 8 until 4:30. My mom gets up at 11 am, long after my sister has gone to work. My sister gets home at 4:30, feeds mom dinner, and mom is in bed by 6:30.
I have repeatedly told my sister that if they need to hire someone for an evening to go ahead and do it, mom can afford it.
For the life of me, I don't know what they want...am I being unfair? Am I not seeing things clearly?
What brought all this up is a little boy's b'day party. My sister's grandson is turning 1. I received an email from my nephew asking me to come to the party. I cannot go, knowing my BIL will be there which is going to cause all kinds of tension and I won't do that to everyone else. Just makes me very sad to think I can't be a part of their lives...anyway, I'd love to hear your thoughts...
thanks so much,
[This message has been edited by MIMI427 (edited 04-10-2008).]