I'm sorry that I couldn't stay in chat longer. Gail emailed me a copy of the chat. I appreciate that very much because it helped me to know you better and the struggles you are dealing with in your life presently. Jan, I come from a very dysfunctional family also. The only way to heal is to get some help through ACOA or an excellent therapist. Gail gave you some excellent points to think about. Believe me I know that it isn't easy. My Dad died in WV and I am here in WI. My family kept asking me to come home that I owed him that much. He was very abusive to me and my mother mostly. I talked to him on the phone a couple of times and told him that I was praying for him but that I could not come to see him. The last time I talked to him, I just told him, after he said he loved me, "just close your eyes, Dad and when you open them again, you will see God." My father died that night. Did I feel guilty when my family wanted me home? Sure did...but I knew I had no feelings for this alcoholic and abusive man...even if he had changed in his old age. So, Jan...may I suggest that you do what is right for you in your heart right now. Doing something out of guilt really in the long run hurts us all the more. At least it has been my experience. My thoughts and prayers are with you. If I can be of help, please let me know, OK? Take care of yourself.
P.S. I am a Catholic Dominican nun. Lutherans are great!