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Hi everyone

Does anyone else also get that "i'm so sorry for you' from well meaning friends and family? It didn't bother me in the beginning, but five years down the line, it does. My mom's health has only deteriorated, so in response, the pity increases.

These feelings of pity are also coming from my mom. Watching me spend my young life taking care of her isn't easy for her. (began caregiving when I was 19). She blames herself that I have to work FT, that I often have back pain, can't go out as I'd like to etc.. well for almost anything that may go wrong in my life. Reasonably I would have to work to support myself anyway, but this does not cross her mind. Trying to assure her that it is not her fault often leads to little success. She wallows in her pain, and I struggle to keep a brave face.

Thanks
Asiza
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Hello Asiza:

It is hard to relate to others that don't truly understand the care-giving journey. That is why the board here is so helpful to us all... It is good to have a place to vent or express our concerns and frustrations which keeps them more outside of our personal relationships.

It is heartbreaking to hear that your mother's health has deteriorated so. MS is such a tragic disease and the roller-coaster of emotions that you have got to be going through must be hard on you. It is not always easy or good for us to keep in all of our feelings. We all need someplace to express ourselves without being pitied or judged.

Have you been writing in a journal during this time? I know it is hard to find the time some days especially when you have such a heavy load to bear. However, it does help to get you through the rough moments when all seems to much to handle to write down how you are feeling...

It is not easy watching your mother suffer so. Please know this, Asiza, we are here for you. Remember to take care of yourself, too, during this time...

Love and Hugs from Glenda
Thank you so much Glenda

In answer to your question - Writing in my journal definently helps, when I have time to do so that is! Getting it out on paper seems to make the problems smaller. I intend to put the journal exercises here to good use, and try to make more time for it.

Tx
Asiza
Hello Asiza:

Your journaling is so important I think... I am glad to hear that you are doing that. It is so important to your writing skills. It is amazing what a few minutes of writing can do to release the thoughts to another space.

I use Outlook's journal feature a lot because it is so easy to use. Plus it is great for keeping track of what is going on. Glad to hear that you have it handled dear heart. Keep us posted Asiza...

Hugs, Glenda

[This message has been edited by glenderella (edited 04-21-2006).]
Hello Asiza... I am glad you hace come aboard here at the site. while I have been rather quire and working hard offline thse past few months, I sense how strong you are from within growing through the daily challenges set before you.

I think somewhere deep within each of us resides a place of feeling somewhat sorry for ourselves when we are isolated as primary caregivers.. but we can also respond to our loved ones, friends and families with a different consciousness. Stephen Levine has written some beautiful books on death and dying and the Tibetan Book of Living & Dying is another wonderful book that addresses how we can be with loved ones.. touching deeper within in more soulful ways vs. the everyday chit chat.. really exploring fears, emotions, etc and sharing..

it's truly an opportunity to heal dysfunctions and move into a more loving positive space for you and your loved one.. it isn't always easy.. society teaches us that death is final... but in so many cultures throughout the world, they understand and belief that we are all interconnected in the universe or cosmos.. so this is something we may welcome in reclaiming who we are... and it is an incredibly loving space to reside in for all involed...

blessings in all you are doing Asiza...

gail

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