Not sure why

Dear Patty:

It is a time of grieving for you now. That is never easy and another phase of the roller coaster of emotions... It will take some time to deal with your mother's things and you should not feel as if you have to push yourself. When you feel up to it, then start gently wrapping up her possessions and store them somewhere if you are not ready to make decisions about them.

Meanwhile, feel free to grieve and let out your emotions. It is only natural to miss her dearly when passing her bedroom. Check in your area for a grief support group. It will help you during this time... My thoughts and prayers are with you during these difficult days Patty.

Love and Hugs from Glenda

(((((((patty))))))))))
I think you could use a few hugs right about now. I understand what you are feeling about seeing all your Moms stuff. With my Mom being 'hospiced', we had alot of rental equipment. naturally, they had to be returned the very next day or I had to pay out of my pocket. It was hard! I boxed up most everything and donated it to the MS Foundation. They even came and picked it up and I got a tax deduction. I did keep some of her personel things like her prayerbook and rosary ect... My sister the nun took it upon herself to get rid of everything that was at my parents house without even asking if I wanted anything. You will know in your heart when that time is right for you. I will keep you in my prayers.....

plink...

Sorry to hear about your mom..you have my deepest condolences..

Your post made me think back to my own mothers passing, she lived with us too..the rented equipment had to go back the next day..I was in a dream state doing that I remember..it just didn't seem real..
I remember digging in right away, with cleaning out her room..it sort of gave me comfort to be around her "things"...most of it got packed in boxes and put in the basement and I'm glad I did that..I may have thrown something out by accident in my grieving state...
My husband took 3 months off work to be with me at this time and for that I will be forever grateful..it's not easy when for 3 years you'd been caregiving someone who meant so much to both of us, then to have her gone...I didn't know what to do with myself..I felt almost useless..time does heal though..and I was so thankful for the time I'd had with my mother..I do still think about her and miss her every day but it does get easier, and I know all she ever wanted was for me to be happy..: )
your mom is watching over you...
PrairieGal

PrairieGal
thankyou. That's the way I am feeling right now. Kind of lost. My hubby had to go back to work and he is working 10 hr. days so it makes the days very long.
I just feel like I do not know where to start. I need to clean her room. But I don't know where to begin.

Today is a bad day...........

Hi Plink, sorry to hear that you are so blue. After my Mom passed away, After the rental equiptment was picked up, after the funeral, I really had nothing left to give to anyone. So I kinda had to get stingy, and take care of 'me'. I think I slept more soundly than I had in months and still was not rested. So when I was up to dealing with all Moms personel stuff, I did box it up and picked a few things to keep for sentimental reasons. I had many issues going on with my father and siblings thru out my Moms illness and I had to learn to take care of me, again. I read alot about grief and losing Mothers. I read books about the dying process, so that I knew I did the best I knew how to do for Mom. This was very rewarding for me. I did so many things correctly. Rambling again! My advice would be to take care of you for a while, then if you are up to it, take care of your Moms things. But keep your mind busy! Cry if you need to. Its been 3 years on March 11th for me and I still have days that I drag something out that belonged to my Mom, hold it close to my heart and remember not so much that she is gone, but that she lived and all she left behind. So, take care and I will pray for you while you are on this journey....

plink -

I am soooo sorry for the passing of your Mom - and certainly I understand how you feel.

I do believe as care-givers its a "different" kind of grief. Not to downplay anyone's else's grief - but being a care-giver to anyone - that is part of who you are - your daily routine and not only are your grieving the loss of your Mother, your are grieving the loss of the life you once knew - even if at times that life was quite "trying".

I remember when my Father died, hospice said they would arrange to have the hospital bed and other equipment picked up on Monday (he died on a Friday) - well they never came. The viewing/funeral was Tuesday/Wednesday and I dont think that I could bring myself to call the for equipment to be picked up for 2 weeks. My family room just looked naked - and he was only in it for 7 months. I packed up all the stuff he used (in the family room) - in a big rubbermaid container and threw it in the attic - where it still sits.

Now his bedroom (which he lived in for 4 years before needing the hospital bed) - was another story. He was a packrat - so the 1st thing I tackled probably in the 2nd month was his "junk" mail. 11 trash bags later (yes all junk mail) - was about all I could handle.

Just in January (7 months later) is when I could FINALLY go threw his room totally. 37 bags of trash - 14 bags of donations - and I STILL have a closet full of his clothes and papers - and stuff - along with his bureau has stuff in it and on it - like his comb, his face mask - his stuffed animals.

So I guess what I am trying to say - is - everyone is different - and everyone needs to do what is right for them in their "own" time frame. Nobody can tell you when it is right - but you will know when you are ready or when you feel you have to. You are going thru a huge change in your life and you need to take care of you as well. Do what you need to do - when you need to do it.

For me - I still care full time for my Mother with chronic schziophrenia, heart disease, breast cancer and a recent diagnois of Alzheimers. So for me I never left the care-giving roll - as I had her to care for immediately after his passing. I think she is what made me get up and function in the mornings - but boy it was hard. Doing dishes, laundry and cooking felt like the most overwhelming chores in the world - and took forever to accomplish.

I often wonder once she is gone (hopefully not for a long time - as long as she doesn't suffer too much from her illnesses) - what I will do with myself - because being a care-giver for my parents has been the center of my life for the last 4 years and has played some part of my life since I was a little girl. My parents where close to 50 when I was born - and my Mother always had schziophrenia - so there has always been one thing or another.

Again - I am sorry for your loss - but you need to grieve and do what is best for you.

Hugs,

Janet