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Hi,my name is Diane. I am caregiver to my husband who has stage 4 prostate cancer. I also am raising my two grand boys ages 10&11.my day is nonstop taking care of the house,cooking and running errands.I gat so tired and worn out sometimes I just want to call it quits,but I can't.I have 3 people depending on me.I was a can for 25 yrs.so I know how it is but when it comes to family it's worse.My husband don't listen to anything I say and then gets mad when I tell the dr. On him.The boys try to help but I want them to be kids not jr. Caregivers. Just venting as I have no one to vent to.Thanks for letting me

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Hi Diane:

 

Welcome to the boards. I am sorry to hear of your dear hubby's battle with cancer. The added responsibility of two young boys is an added challenge and blessing as well I imagine... You are so right to protect their childhood - it is so fleeting! Do you have any help at all?

 

It is no wonder you are "burnt out" with the load you bear. There is some help available if you open up the avenues to seek them out. These are typically through religious organizations or governmental programs. In my area, there is Faith in Action and here is an example of their services: http://www.fiaws.org/index.php/left-senior

 

I don't know where you live, but there has to be something similar in your area...  Do find some time for yourself today - get a cup of coffee and go through the local churches in your area and reach out for help. You need some respite!

 

Don't worry about venting here - we are here for you and understand your feelings of exhaustion. Promise me you will make some calls to get some help - even the little things make a huge difference in the life of care-giving. Keep me posted!

 

Hugs, Glenda

I met with someone from can care yesterday.She was a very nice lady and helped me by just letting me talk and vent.She gave me her # so I can all her whenever I'm feeling down.I don't know what's going to happen to my husband but its nice to know that there is someone going through what I am to talk to.My husband goes back to the dr. On the 4th so I will know more about what if anything they are going to do with his rising psa.I will keep you posted.Thank you.

Hello Diane:

 

I am so glad to hear that you have found this lovely lady to be there for you! It helps to have some support when caring for a cancer patient. I remember when my dad was battling colon cancer. I was down, scared, angry, overwhelmed with all sorts of feelings... Just know, Diane, that you are not alone! Keep your arms open and embrace those that come to you now. They are truly godsends - as are you for your dear hubby! I hope the 4th brings some good news. How is your DH holding up?

 

Hugs, Glenda

Ruby, thank you I had gotten to the point where I packed my things and left.I ended up coming back because I felt guilty for leaving him when he is sick.He asked why I left and I told him I couldn't take his put downs and his hateful remarks.he apologized and said that I was the only one he could get angry at and he took advantage of the fact that he thought I wouldn't leave.Now when he starts getting mean I tell him and he tries to be nicer.The only time I have real problems is after chemo.thats when the mood swings come.So me and the boys just act like he isn't around and we stay I away from him for a few days.The dr said its a normal reaction to the chemo I told him then you deal with him after the chemo.Anyway his psa levels keep going up even with the chemo so I don't know what they are going to do.I just take one day at a time

thank you for responding.i pray things get better for you.i take care of a quadapligic he broke his neck in 85.i try to get him to talk to me but he want open up even after all these years. i do love him and at times like you i just want to leave but i feel guilty because i have worked hard for him not be in a nursing home but i'm getting older now and need someone to talk to.i like you feel guilty because he has no one but me.i'm still hanging in there but it gets harder everday.again thank you for talking to to.

Ruby,you should see if there are any organizations out there who can help you.I have Cancare who set me up with someone who has been or is going through what I am going thorough.We go out for lunch or if things get to difficult I can always call her and just vent or cry if I need to.It helps to have someone,since family is nonexistent since this has all started.You also need time for yourself,I learned that the hard way,I lost a lot of weight and was getting sick because I was so busy taking care of him that I forgot to take care of myself.If you can go for a walk,then go just to clear your mind.I don't know what you are going through since we have different circumstances,but I do know that being a caregiver stressful and and taking time for yourself is important.If he gets angry  because you want some alone time then explain to him how you are feeling.I was told that you can't help your loved one if you don't take care of yourself,so TAKE  CARE OF YOURSELF! best wishes to you

i have tried to tell him but thats when the guilt kicks in. he then thinks he is a burden.i live in a little small town and the hospital here doesn't even know how to care for him. if he gose to the hospital i have to be with him to do his personal care.it would be nice to have a shoulder to cry on but i don't have one.i to have been sick nerves and anxiety. just don't know which way to go sometimes.thank you for letting me vent.

 

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