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Hi I am Renee. My Mom is 81 and has dementia. In Feb. a neighbor called APS. APS called me 2 weeks ago telling me they want someone to come evaluate my Mom. I told the lady no they couldnt, that I would take her to the Dr. and have her evaluated. But the lady said that was my Moms choice. I have POA and I told the lady that. I have had my Mom with me for 10 years, any advice is appreciated.
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Welcome Renee... why did your neighbor call APS and what did they say to you specifically? If your mother has dementia and has been living with you for 10 years why haven't you had her evaluated yet? Did in fact your mother want to be evaluated? This is confusing to me the way you have written it.  What state do you live in?


If you give me more specifics, I may be able to point you in the right direction. However, it is not clear to me so it is difficult to advise you.



Im sorry I have been stressed out about this. First of all 15 years ago my mother developed memory problems. My brother and myself took over caring for her. He would have her a year and I would have her a year. In 2005 he passed away. So now I care for her. She has been evaluated, I moved to La. last year and in July she was evaluated again. The person who called was a neighbor (busy body) who knew nothing about us. I make sure Mom has everything she needs and wants. And I promised her I would not put her in a nursing home. I love my Mom and want her happy.

Her dementia has been a slow process. And I know and the Dr know it isn't 

Alzheimer's   yet. Caring for my Mom is hard enough without people judging me.

Hi Renee


Welcome to the boards. I'm in South Africa (JHB) so we don't exactly have APS ... but I can completely understand how frustrating and annoying a 'busybody' can be when they have no idea what you do and go through every day in caring for your mom. They assume all kinds of things and paint you in this light as if you are not doing the right things etc etc.... its especially frustrating when they are not involved, have no first hand knowledge of caregiving and simply wish to cause trouble because they are convinced they know better - but would not lift a finger to help in any practical way (you can tell I've had some experience with busybodies... )


Honestly - don't let her or anyone's false judgement scratch you up in anyway. The fact is they don't know what you go through - caregiving is an extremely tough job (if not the toughest) and requires herculean amounts of emotional,mental and physical energy.


I'm not an expert on this, as I said we don't have APS here, I would think that allowing APS to visit and see for themselves that everything is under control and your mother is well cared for would stop their interest in you. Showing them your mother's previous evaluations will also show your diligence. Then they are perfectly aware of the situation and if 'miss busy body' dares to call again they know she is talking nonsense.


I would wait for other's responses too as I'm not aware at all of what the APS' powers are. I'm assuming that they are like our social welfare services here in SA.


Take care of yourself too...



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