My friends disappoint me, I get no support from them

VidyaMember

Hi Everyone,

I'm new to this forum. My father is a stroke survivor (he's had 2 strokes in the last 6 months) and my mom was just recently diagnosed with cancer. On top of dealing with these caregiving issues, I find that my friends are a constant source of disappointment for me. And it really hurts.

I'm just wondering whether others have experienced similar issues with their friends?

I've moved back into my parents' home (which is in the suburbs). Most of my friends are single, and living up the party lifestyle in the city...they make no effort to visit me in the 'burbs, and I find I get very little or no response from them when I do call for help.

Of course, they continue to email me with messages like "I have no idea what you must be going through...call me anytime if you'd like to talk." And when I do call, they are quick to dismiss me or move on to the trivial matters in their "shallow" lives.

What do I do now? Do I just write them all off? Do I look for new friends? The idea of opening dialogue with them to try and rebuild our friendship has me feeling exhausted. Any suggestions, anyone?

8/13/0711:23 AM

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bamagirlMember

Hi, Vidya.

Welcome to the boards. Sorry to hear about your folks. Do you have other family or other source of support? If not, it's important that you find ways to schedule time for *you*. If part of the "you"-time includes meeting with friends in town on a weekly or bi-weekly basis, that would be great.

I'm afraid expectations of having friends come see you in the 'burbs will only lead to continued disappointment, unless you go shopping, or out for eats/drinks, that sort of thing. If you are very lucky, you might have one or two friendships survive your situation. I would continue to stay in touch via email and phone, but over time, without effort from both ends, the superficial friendships will fade.

FWIW, almost everyone here has had the experience of friends and relations that just don't "get it" about being a caregiver. I'll spare you my particulars on that front. Just know that *we* know you are an angel for being there for your folks. They are very lucky.

Please continue to post, and let us know how things are going. This is a safe place to vent or ask advice.

Hugs,
Barb

8/13/074:31 PM

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Former Member

Vidya.... I've learn't over the past few years that unless someone has been through a similar experience to yours they "don't get it"... Don't dismiss them, just be grateful for the few people you meet that do.
Life does change and through our own experiences we come across some truly great people... now, this doesn't mean we don't keep in touch with the lighter ones... enjoy when you can a bit of nonsense with them.
A hard change but you will find this will make you wiser and stronger.
x Alison

8/13/077:49 PM

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VidyaMember

Barb, Alison,

Thanks so much for your encouraging words...you have no idea how great it is to know that someone out there "gets" what I'm saying! I will keep your suggestions in mind, but I fear it will take me some time to feel like I'll want to see some of my friends again, when all I really want to do is yell "Where the hell have you been?" LOL. Goodness, this life stuff is difficult, isn't it? I can see already that my tolerance of certain types of "friends" is going to wane once my parents and I get through this difficult time.

8/13/0711:37 PM

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