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It's been quite a while since I posted anything on the website. For some reason, I couldn't bring myself to come here after my husband died October 9th of Glioblastoma multiforme. The closer Christmas gets, the harder it is for me to deal with. It was our favorite time of year and thank God I have a wonderful son and daughter-in-law to help me through it as well as the love of my little 15 month old grandson. I'd never make it through it with my sanity if I didn't have the support of my family and friends. I keep busy as possible, but you still have to go to bed sometime and that's when I'm faced with the reality that this is how it is. I'm without my husband. The love of my life. My best friend. I've cried myself to sleep more times than I can count. I put on the "happy face" as much as I can in order to help make the holidays a happy one and I know nobody expects me to be happy all the time. But still, I love them too much to make them sad along with me. We always open our gifts on Christmas Eve with only the lights from the Christmas tree and candles burning all through the room. Knowing he won't be sitting there opening gifts with us is tearing me apart. Just the thought of it now rips my heart wide open. How am I going to make it that night? His love will go on with me forever and I know he's here in spirit, but I don't know how I'll get through it without him. I'm so sorry this is long, but I just needed to let anyone know who's going through the same pain at this time of year, that you're not alone. Others like me are going through it too. You will be in my prayers and I hope you'll keep me in yours.
Johanna
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Johanna...

I am so sorry..this time of year is so very hard when you are minus someone you love so much...I know too that words don't help much...just know that we are all here for you..and that you're in our thoughts and prayers...
All us going through a first Christmas without someone will help each other through...just having this site to come and share has been of great help to me...
I'm dealing with my first christmas without my dad, plus the realization that I'll be missing both parents this holiday and every holiday in the future, by taking it day by day..I'm not hiding from my memories, and when the tears come, they come...I am also seeing in myself a deep compassion for other human beings..I am embracing the change in myself and I know it's building me into a strong and caring person....

take care...and please post again if you feel a need to share your feelings...
PrairieGal
I can't thank you all enough for your support. I know somehow, we'll get through these tough times and we have to grasp the happy times and hold those very close to our hearts. I've talked to several people who had lost their loved ones within just a few days of Christmas and I can't imagine how hard that must have been. I just keep praying they'll find a cure for this horrible disease that robs us of the ones we love. I'll keep all of you in my prayers as well. Glenda and PrairieGal, you are angels!! Prairiegal, I know your dad and mom will be watching over you from above this Christmas.
(((((hugs)))))
Johanna
Hello Johanna... it's so easy for us to support others with our truest beliefs yet it is so difficult to embrace them in our own situations... Likewise, I know your hubby is there with you...just not in the physical form you have been accustomed to... and I think you are doing remarkably well for such a short period of time... please keep us posted as much as possible.. every day we get a bit better and better... a bit stronger and stronger..

blessings
gail

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