Well, I guess I am mostly here to vent. My dad is now 91, more stubborn then ever to see the doctors he needs to see, and in denial of each and everything wrong with him!! And.........it is driving me crazy that his assisted living has no social worker on or off-site. He will see his primary who sees patients at the assisted living on Tuesdays, but her care is adequate at best, and she is not a geriatric doctor, although she has much experience working with the elderly. My dad is so stubborn that she won't argue with him anymore about seeing the specialists he needs to see, and he is having more problems, in addition to worsening present problems. And, if he needs to see his primary any day other than Tuesday, he is out of luck.
His deafness is getting worse, yet he won't go back to the place where he got his hearing aide many months ago. He must have PD, and if not, some kind of neurological movement disorder, saw one [idiot] neurologist and refuses to see another (which I'd make sure is top notch this time). There is scarring that is evidence that at some point he suffered a heart attack. He can just barely move or walk with his walker. He stops about every two feet along the way to the dining room. And the list goes on.
I cannot idly stand by while his body is "wasting away." I cannot accept the fact that he refuses to see the doctors he needs to see. His dementia has caused him to be totally unaware of things, totally unreasonable about his care,difficulties understanding many things, and is totally unaware when my mom gets sick. They each talk at the same time and neither hears the other. (had to add a little humor to this)
My latest idea is to hire a private care manager, actually an aquaintance of mine for years, and have her give an assessment of both of my parents' present conditions, and a good idea of what add'l care they need, and maybe an idea of when either of them will hae to move into a nursing home. They do have a live-in aide who is wonderful, but as my dad requires more medical attention, living where he is now will not adequately provide him with proper care.
I was going to type up a bulleted list for the care manager to read and discuss with me prior to the two of us meeting with my parents. I cannot say much in front of my dad, because he will pick up on it and butt into the conversation in a negative way.
I have been advised by my own therapist to do whatever I can, and just let it be, but I know by doing it that way, his life will be shortened. Sometimes I think, though, that I care too much, but I can't help myself from my inner, gut feelings.
I know that many other caregivers are in my same position, and I don't get how they manage to get a psychiatrist to assess their parents. And, I don't know how the care manager I will be getting will have the right approach for dealing with my ever-demanding dad.