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How do you get someone to cooperate with you when they want to still do thing themselves and they can't. Mom again this a.m. at 6 tried to get on the potty chair by herself and fell. Said she was trying to help me and let me sleep. Didn't help my herniated disk, bad knees, and legs much to have to lift her up and after breakfast I tried to talk to her and explain that I know she wants to do things on her own but she CAN'T and she's just making it harder on me when she falls and we have the problems. She seemed to understand but know by tomorrow she will have forgotten. I know I'm tired, frustrated, and with no help and no one to help me I've got to hold the feeling in until I'm away from her. I don't mind doing for her, if fact I wouldn't be anywhere else or doing anything else but with my disabilities with my back, hips, and legs if she doesn't cooperate I'm going to be back in the hospital and then she will have to go to the respite center in Alabama which she has refused to do so far but if I go in the hospital she's just going to have to go no matter what. Guess she'll be mad at me for months if that happens but have to do what is best for BOTH of us.
Thanks for listening to me "vent" and I appreciate any advice you can give.
Peace, Love, and Light
Karen
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{{{{{Karen}}}}}

As you know, I believe you have to take care of yourself first. I am not quite sure if your mom is truly coherent a good deal of the time or else she wouldn't put you through what you are going through in caring for her.

It may sound a little cold hearted as you are working so hard to keep her at home, but there is a strength that resides within her that keeps her going and going.

You may want to ask Hospice for support as to what you should do since you don't have counseling available to you. However, wanting to keep her at home and do the right thing by her can cause you irreversible results in your own health. Somewhere I believe you are going to have to muster up enough strength to put her into the respite facility regardless of her feelings at this point. You have been suffering for many weeks and this is not serving you. My concern is that you will end up in the hospital and you have been there several times for yourself in serious condition. If she cannot see this clearly and abide by your decisions, then you must do what is right for yourself first.

I know this goes against all that you have been working towards...but if you remember a few months back, Mom was almost gone. Her continual falling and recovery is absolutely beyond my belief. Please think about this carefully before making any decisions and usher in as much professional help as you can to do what is best for both of you.

LOVE & LIGHT
GAIL
Just to update you, took Mom to the Dr. yesterday (Monday) and she's been having a TIA which means she doesn't comprehend anything that is said to her. But he told her she had two choices, one was an assisted living facility, which won't work because she can't do anything for herself, and 2 - she can go to Respite in Mobile for a few days. She has agreed to Respite and they are working on getting her there as soon as possible She will be gone 5 days but has to be back by July 10th for the heart Dr. visit and to have the heart shocked. It was hard to make the decision to let her go to Respite in Mobile but know it will be best for both of us. Thanks for everything and will talk to everyone later on.
Peace, Love and Light
Karen
Hi Karen,
Nothing pleases me more than to hear that your mom was coherent and in a receptive, understanding place to enter the respite facility. It is also good to know that the tia's were what were responsible for her bouts of incoherency.

At the same time, it is sad to know that her condition is resulting from the tia's but at least you know what is causing it. Neither one of you are losing it either.

I know the respite will be good for both of you. Just take the time to go to sleep early and stay off the puter !!!!

IN LOVE & LIGHT
GAIL
Thanks Gail,
But Mom still isn't understanding anything or rather comprehending and doing what is supposed to be done and they can't get her into Respite until after July 10 so that means the middle of July. Just hope I can hang in there until then. Have tried to make her understand that it's killing me and she understands for that one minute and the next she's up trying to use the potty by herself. Have reached my wits end but will just take it one hour or minute at a time. The pain is hurting me and that doesn't help.And just makes me irritable and don't need to feel that way. Have a great weekend and enjoy yourself.
Love ya,
karen

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