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Hi fellow caregivers

Im formerly ann48.

Mom passed away last Saturday. I feel lost, empty....

I fought so long and hard...the eldercare professionals and healthcare system in this area.....that Ive lost myself. I know it will come back...just feeling lost for now.

I had even ordered a special book for while she was in hosp/nh this time so I could be better when she came home. I wanted to do a little extra work on if there was time...but I was trying. God had different plans.

Just wanted to let you know.
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I am so sorry to hear of your mom's passing. Please be gentle to yourself. It has been a difficult and emotional journey caring for her, and my hope for you now is that you can begin to heal. Take one day at a time. Gather strength from your family and friends. We are all here to embrace you.
Love, hugs, and prayers,
Ann, I am new here and did not know about your mom, but I am caring for my mom who is 95. It is difficult to see ones loved one go down hill and then pass on. Most people do seem to have this "cross" to bear. I'd like to think it is for a reason that this seems to be the way it has to be.

My mom has already told me that when she passes there are two things she wants me to continually hear in my ear: "Don't you dare" ( in reference to tears ) and "Don't go there" ( in reference to the tendency to have guilt feelings of any kind whatsoever! " There is so much good to reflect on...go there.

This is another transitional period in her life as well as in your life. Perhaps it is because we question the future for her that we seem not to be able to trust that she is cared for right now. and that all is well with her right this very minute.

My religious beliefs play such an important part in my daily living and thinking. I know that I alone govern how I choose to think about things....and usually there are two choices to every decision. I hope oou can elevate your thought at this sad time for you and your family to trust the Eternal and know that you, too, are cared for and loved.

I'd like to think that with your mom's passing , you have one more guardian angel watching over you. I might suggest that you keep a journal every day and sometime during the day, write just a page letter to your mom, telling her how you are doing and feeling. Tell her you are going to make it through this one step at a time...and that together you both will make it through.

I know that I too will be saddened by mother's passing, but I also know that the time will be right to let her "fly free", and we must let her go inorder that we , too, might fly free.

In closing : The Human spirit is stronger than anything that can happen to it". Dedicate each day to your mom, talk to her. Jump out of that bed and face the challenges of the day.....that is exactly what she would want!!

God's blessings on you at this time.

Hi Ann...

I'm so very sorry to hear about your have my deepest sympathies...
I know what you meant about fighting so hard..seems like when youre caregiving you fight everyone in the "system"...all the while doing a super job taking care of your loved's frustrating and tiring but one we would do over again in a second...
Take time now to grieve...time for yourself...and know that your mom is watching over you..proud you are her daughter...

Hello Ann,

I am truly sorry to hear of your loss.. you advocated for her in so many ways and you were truly a gifted blessing for her during these times...May your own healing be gentle and nurturing.. you never gave up....

I hope you will continue to post here where so many will continue to support you...

richest blessings
Hi Prairie Gal, Gail
and thank you for your kind words.

Ive been through grieving of my father 7 years ago....and recognize the feelings....doesn't make it easy by any means, but I know what is happening. My sister on the other hand hasn't been through this, so she's having an extremely hard time. Im trying to help her all I can.

It hits in waves....sometimes about mom, about dad, about both. I do have "time" now to nurture myself....but my challenge is remembering how. Sometimes I just rest, which is much needed.

The anger, guilt, depression, waiting for a call (denial), etc are all there. But Im healing a tiny bit each day. I wish I could change some things I did and didn't do....but I did all I knew how at the time.

Bottom line - even in all the frustration of never getting what I wanted from our relationship - I still loved her deeply. I had just gotten some hope with a new dr. but it was too late. I guess it was her time.

The week after I buried her (2 weeks ago) I had to go to son's wedding in Atlanta, and put on a happy face. It was probably good for me to get out of the house. Seeing her chair empty....her room empty....not able to hug her each morning before I leave....and make her smile at times - those are the things I miss.

So now this week Im back at work. And planning a get away to RELAX on the beach in July. That's a good distraction.

I have mom's house to get taken care of and all her "stuff". I just couldn't bring myself to do it when she was here. Too hard. She raised us knowing that her things were hers....and was none of our business. So its still hard to look through things. Feel like Im doing something 'wrong". But there are memories in her things that I want to keep and some to share with sis and kids.

Our Geriatrics Director here at work said he only hopes that his children care as much as I did with mom - and he said he has never seen a kid try so hard. That made me feel good. He would like me to work with his team.....and Id love to. All Ive learned I would like to put to good use. And I would certainly kick some butts (lol) in the "eldercare system". We'll see.

First things first - I have some healing to do.

love and hugs

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