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I posted new a few months ago and due to "no time" as many of you, I could not frequent the boards. But mom passed away on July 12 and I seem to be "lost". The last few months of her living and me being the caregiver, I would keep telling myself that is was for a little while only. And now that she is gone, I long to say that again with her still there. I feel guilty on one hand that I seem to have more time, but on the other hand I feel "lost". I lost both parents within 6 months, and I am 41 yrs old now and my family has never know life without Meme and Paw. This is a new start for us, but I miss my mom terribly.

It had gotten so hard toward the end. I had great difficulty is caring for her, yet alone, my family and me. I am still tying up her estate and dad's from December, and packing and moving things and trying to sell their home. We lived next door, but just recently moved. I could not stand seeing their empty house on a daily basis. The move will be good for us.

I say all this to comfort others who may be in my same shoes. As I felt daily that this would last forever and I would never have time for me or my family or the things I used to do or my freedom to come and go..........I do now. It truly was for just a "short time".

We used Hospice beginning on the 6th of June and Mom passed on July 12th. She displayed all the warning signs of dying soon. She went very peaceful and in the most loving way I have ever witnessed. Our whole family and friends were there, in bed with her and beside her, reading the Bible and singing songs of praise, and praying her literally into Heaven.

All the missed sleep, the tears, the grief and frustration of daily caregiving is over now. I have a new life of freedom to come and go and can focus on me and my family comepletely. But I would sacrifice all that again for one more day to caregive for my parents. God, I miss them dearly.

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Kaymac -

You're words are so beautiful and so true. Although I still care full time for my Mother - I lost my Father to cancer on June 3rd. I was his full time 24/7 care giver since the end of October - the only thing he could do for himself was feed himself. Yes, at the time - I thought it would never end - not that I ever really wanted it to - I just wanted him to be better and ok. There were many days of frustration and wearing the hat of Queen Nasty Pants. I sometimes miss - Queen Nasty Pants - but more so I miss him. And you are right it isn't forever - and I too would do it all over again - somethings exactly the same - other things maybe a little differently.

Although my Mother requires full time supervision on most days she can get herself to the bathroom and up and down out of chairs - so there is some more "free time" - She doesn't like the bath everyday - heck I am lucky if she will every week - again more free time. She does require someone to sit with her (only being gone for 10-15 minutes at most - at a time) - she doesn't like any noise - so no radio or TV - she doesn't like when you read the newspaper or run the appliances - so I spend most of my time in silence - either working on the computer or e-mailing. But that's ok - I guess - but the time my Father took up - and boy was it a lot - LOST - even the conversation that we had together - the tv we watched together - it was just different - a lot more bonding - not that I don't love my Mother - just you cannot have the same bond with someone who has a serious mental illness as you do with someone who doesn't.

Kaymac - my heart goes out to you - I only lost my Father - I cannot imagine loosing both parents so closely together.

Thank you for your beautiful post.

Dear kaymac:

My eyes welled up with tears as I read your post. I am so sorry about the loss of your parents. Your mom, I think, is happy now and reunited with her beloved... And you now have gained two more angels to watch over you and your family. They are still with you in maybe a more awe-inspiring way...

You shared such a beautiful experiences here with us all in the telling of mom's passing. Thank you for that. What a warm and wonderful memory to have.

It is good for you to cry. Let the tears flow because it will allow you to heal. The more ... the merrier... you will begin to feel. You have made a wonderful sacrifice for your parents by being their care-giver already. I think we all receive our rewards in heaven.

Thank your for sharing and please don't leave us altogether. More and more are new care-givers that need support. Meanwhile, I hope all goes well with tying up the estate and the holidays, etc. ahead.

Take Care, Glenda
Hello Karen... If I remember correctly, it is Karen... you are doing beautifully and I am grateful for your sharing.. while I am in my 50's. I too know the feeling of being an orphan to the loss of both parents.. it's not such an easy adjustment... but you must know that you aren't alone in all of this... they are watching over you and guiding you .. and you have the support of others here at the boards and in the chats...

To understand that you went through so many up's and donwn's and to know deep within your heart that you would do it over in an instant is truly a gifted realization that you can carry with you always.. please keep us posted.. richest blessings as you reclaim your own life....

Dear Kaymac,
Your post here is inspiring to me. We just lost Momma 1 week ago today and I am feeling much of what you explained so beautifully. I too miss taking care of her sometimes so deeply I cannot explain it. I was glad to see your Mom's passing was shared with the family, my mother died in the middle of the night and frankly I beleive she chose to go that way....between her and God. I really did not think I could take seeing her breath her last, Hospice also took wonderful care of my Momma also. Maybe the reason I could not bare seeing her go was because of her death was from Alzheimer's. I seemed to have lost our connection many years know the preciousness of the mother/daughter & grandmother/grandchild thing that was so deeply a part of this family. Mother left us almost a shell, no words, no responses, just wasted away. It was difficult to watch and yet I tried to do everything I could. I wish I could have done more. She was so important to me, my husband and the kids. She will forever be in me, I know but grief is still grief and I am floundering. I called Hospice and set up counseling sessions for me and the family today. I pray for some closure, some relief, some peace at last.
I think you are a remarkable person and I pray for your peace and happiness as you adjust to life now.
God bless.
Just an update on how things are going....We sold the parent's house. Very difficult cleaning out almost 50 years of a couple's life. Thanksgiving was very difficult. My only brother could not seem to get out and come visit with me, so his family and mine met and ate together and all was very quite and different. Christmas will be too hard too, but I will make it through it.

I am still missing both parents greatly and it seems like the more time that passes, the more I miss them. It seems harder to see their pictures or think back on them now for everything is still so painful.

I am still recovering physically. I am still stressed and wore out. But I have begun to take better care of myself.

I want to be of help or encouragement to any others going thru caregiving as I did. I spoke to a lady the other day who was just moving in with her Mom who has alzheimers. She is just now struggling with the changes she is making for her mom. I told her that her Mother was very blessed and to remember that she will always look back on those times in the future and be so thankful that she was there for her Mother. As all of will. I just recently wrote a short poem for my Mother I would like to share in another post.

Thanks so much for all of your kind words to me during a difficult time. This is a wonderful forum.

Dear kaymac:

Thank you for your posting. The holidays are tough because it makes us miss the ones we love so much more. You have been through so much loss within the past year...

Do try and take this time to grieve. Rent sad movies and cry! I read your memorial for your mother and was so touched. It was beautiful, Karen... What a special relationship!

Keep posting and keep us posted. We are here to help you through this time. And we also need your support! Care-giving seems to be the one position in life that is so unforgettable because our work is truly from the heart... God bless you!

Love and Hugs from Glenda
hi kaymac...

Sorry about the loss of both your parents in such a short timespan..that in itself makes it all the harder........your first post about how you would do it all over again sounds so like me...I would give almost anything to have my parents back, the caregiving..everything. Noone can or will ever take their place.
That "lost" feeling I had after my mom passed away lasted quite a while...I threw myself into work, and just small things, like being able to come and go out when I wanted seemed so strange...took me a while to not think..I need to book a respite nurse..anytime I wanted to do anything. Even my husband remarked after a couple of days that it was strange having me along all the time...while taking care of my mom he would usually run all the errands and do all the shopping while I stayed home with her.
Last March after losing my father it just seems so parents are both gone and I too am only in my 40's...
Now we must hold and cherish all our memories of them very close to our hearts...: )...

take care...
Hello Kaymac...

your sharing has touched my heart for I, too, seem to miss my parents more and more with each passing day, year... I guess as much as it was distressful when they treated me like their baby, there is a part of all of us who are still there little girl.. no matter what our ages are.. no matter how successful we are.. no matter where we are and what we are doing....

I must continually remind myself to ask for their guidance and to keep speaking with them,knowing they are in my heart at all times...

richest blessings


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