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what do I do? I'm leaving for a week to go see my son and Mom is in a nursing home, mainly because she's 103 and can't take care of herself anymore,,,,her short term memory is gone. So do I tell her I'm going? or will it worry her just to know I won't be around, eventho she probably won't remember what I said? I'm in a dilemma....what is your opinion?? thank you so much for your input in the past...always a great help to talk to someone who has been there........
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Hi Anner:

Sometimes it is hard to know what is best. How will you feel if you leave without letting her know you will be gone for a short period of time? I think, perhaps, that you will worry because you didn't say something and that might spoil your visit... On the other hand, if you think it might worry her, then perhaps it is best to say nothing. However, if you mention it to your mother in a calm fashion and reassure her that you will be back soon, then that will take that concern off of your mind and may not cause her too much worry.

You deserve to have some time with your dear son. Try to go with a clear conscience. Take a moment and sit down with a cup of hot chocolate and relax. The answer will come and follow your heart.

Hugs, Glenda
Hi, Anne.

I'm glad you're taking a break. Be sure to bring back pictures.

Telling your mom that you'll be gone is a judgement call. Does she seem to get agitated when you leave after a normal visit?

By all means let the staff at the home know. Supply alternate emergency contacts, or make sure they have your cell. They might also have an idea how much to say to mom.

Does she remember who your son is? I'm inclined to mention it, something like "today is Tuesday, and I'll be back again a week from tomorrow on Wednesday the --," or some similar. We keep a calendar in Mom's room and mark important days for her to look forward to - mostly visits from my sibs and holidays. But my mother is only 84 and is used to me skipping a few days between visits. We do have a rather sappy good-bye ritual at the end of each visit.

But it is a judgement call. You just have to do what you think is best for both of you. Then go have a good time.

Happy Mother's Day! Have a safe trip.


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