My 39-year old husband had an ischemic stroke 3 weeks ago resulting in aphasia and right arm and leg paralysis.
This didn't have to happen. He refused to take blood thinners for his mitral valve replacement. He drank heavily on an almost daily basis. Prior to this, he had had 1 mini-stroke and 5 TIA's. His doctor told him that a major stroke was on the way. I had him in and out of doctors for 3 years. He is a singer, with no other skills. He has lost his endorsement contracts. He won't be able to finish the album he was working on. Last week we received the second to last check he will get. That was spent in one day on ICU care.
When I look at him now, I don't feel compassion. I feel resentful about having to change his diaper, angry about the job I had to give up to take care of him, the trip to Vietnam that is cancelled, the loss of our home because in a few months we won't be able to pay for it, our life savings which will be gone in a short while, being left to deal with his family who isn't helping, doesn't understand my culture and who we may have to live with. I feel abandoned in a country that isn't mine trying to navigate a medical care system that confuses me.
This is not good for him. And it isn't good for me. Wouldn't he be better off being cared for by someone else? My emotions are all over the place. One minute I am loving, the next crying or wanting to yell at him. I don't think I can do this.
Before we got married, I told that if he didn't take care of himself and just this thing happened, I would make no promise to stay.