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My 39-year old husband had an ischemic stroke 3 weeks ago resulting in aphasia and right arm and leg paralysis.

This didn't have to happen. He refused to take blood thinners for his mitral valve replacement. He drank heavily on an almost daily basis. Prior to this, he had had 1 mini-stroke and 5 TIA's. His doctor told him that a major stroke was on the way. I had him in and out of doctors for 3 years. He is a singer, with no other skills. He has lost his endorsement contracts. He won't be able to finish the album he was working on. Last week we received the second to last check he will get. That was spent in one day on ICU care.

When I look at him now, I don't feel compassion. I feel resentful about having to change his diaper, angry about the job I had to give up to take care of him, the trip to Vietnam that is cancelled, the loss of our home because in a few months we won't be able to pay for it, our life savings which will be gone in a short while, being left to deal with his family who isn't helping, doesn't understand my culture and who we may have to live with. I feel abandoned in a country that isn't mine trying to navigate a medical care system that confuses me.

This is not good for him. And it isn't good for me. Wouldn't he be better off being cared for by someone else? My emotions are all over the place. One minute I am loving, the next crying or wanting to yell at him. I don't think I can do this.

Before we got married, I told that if he didn't take care of himself and just this thing happened, I would make no promise to stay.
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Debra Ellen:

Oh my, this is a very hard time for you. The fact that you are here shows how much you care... There are no right or wrong ways to feel when confronted with health issues such as you are now.

There are many things to consider and try to work through. All I can say is listen to your heart - pray. Answers will come...

Do not feel too hopeless. Look for proactive ways to deal with the problems and concerns that you have. If you must, talk to a realtor about your property. It may be time to check into medicaid or other health care options. Just know that we are here to support you. If you would like more information, just ask...

Hugs, Glenda
Thank you. I need a hug! I'm an American, married to a foreigner, living in South East Asia. Things are different here. There are no support groups and little thought given to caregivers. People bring him his favorite food but in single portions so he can 'have a good meal'. I've been turned into maid, cook, driver, messenger, groomer, dresser and errand person. I've lost weight. My hair is starting to fall out and I've only had two good nights of sleep in the last month. His physical therapist lectured me about the stairs in our condominium as if I had installed them myself just to make my husbands life more difficult. Wow! Feels good to get that out of my system. I just booked a ticket to Michigan and will spend Thanksgiving with my family for the first time in eleven years. Maybe my eyebrows will grow back while I'm there. :-) His family will have to take over for now.
Dear Debra Ellen:

Every day I find a new way of looking at things - thank you for that! You are such a wonderful beloved one for your husband. How you have dealt with such an adverse situation and come through is amazing.

Let us hope and pray that your trip home is wonderful and special - as you deserve! To be living in an environment that is so different from your experiences is challenging. Your character is being built for sure...

Know that we are here for you! It is such a big world with so many international experiences for us all to learn from now... It is not easy for you and please let us know more what we can do to help. We are here for you.

Hugs - Glenda

[This message has been edited by glenderella (edited 10-16-2007).]
debra ellen...hi..and welcome to the boards..: )

i used to lecture to my dad about drinking too..they never listen till its too late i guess...
hope your visit with your family is just what you need..some time away can bring a whole new perspective to a person..
feeling those ups and downs sort of goes hand in hand with caregiving..being thrown into a life changing existence can wreak havoc with ones emotions..
hope you're feeling a bit better..
take care and please let us know how you and hubby are doing...


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