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I lost my faith several years ago when all the problems started with my boys. It sounds bad writing it down, but I can't help how I feel. I went to church faithfully, was involved, read the Bible several times a day, and thought I truly believed. But as the problems started, the people at church never once tried to find out how my family was. I told my Pastor what was going on and not once did he ever call to ask why I hadn't been in church. No one did. I lost faith in the church. I stopped reading, praying. Now I feel like I'm on an island out in the ocean, all alone with no boat, no lifejacket and no help. I don't know how to get back to where I was, or if I even want to. When things got rough, there was no one in the church who helped, so why bother?
I feel an emptyness now and I just don't know how to fill it.
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Dear Angie:

I think it is only natural to withdraw when you feel that you are in an uncaring environment. And you are not alone. Many of us have questioned our religious beliefs during our care-giving years for reasons which are not dissimilar to yours.

It might be a good time to seek out another church - one with a warm and caring pastor. It may be that finding a good pastor that cares about his congregation will help to restore your faith. I think, perhaps, it may be people that you have lost your faith in and not necessarily in God. And questioning your faith, understandably, can be very distressing when you have been so devoted before...

Sometimes we have to "get on the horse" again and take a risk. It may take some exploration to find the church you are looking for but I am sure there are congregations out there that rally around others in hard times.

Meanwhile, I would suggest that you contact Faith in Action - hopefully there is one in your area. Their website is:

Just enter your state and/or zip code to find the nearest location. The volunteers come from various religious sectors as well as from the community. Meanwhile, do not give up the faith Angie...

Love and Hugs from Glenda

[This message has been edited by glenderella (edited 02-04-2006).]
Hello Angie,

I can truly relate to what you are experiencing.. I still am coming up from my own loss.. The priests, rabbis, reverands, nuns, are all human beings no different than us. Unfortunately, because they are vested in their positions in the various religions, we expect them to be there for us.. but many of them are not able to deal with death, dying and situations, they have no answers for either.

One of the beliefs I have come to terms with for myself is that I am not alone.. We are all interconnected as children of a higher power... we all come from the same source and that higher power is omnipresent in each and everyone of us.. it is in every cell, atom and molecule in our body... so at times, it is vitally important to go within and still ourselves.. to come to a peace of mind from within.. to gather our power and strength from within for where is it that god ends and you begin... there is no cut off point.. that higher power is with us at all times.. and we are guided and protected.. while we seek strength and support from church going members and clergy and have an expectation for them to be there for us during difficult times.. unfortunately in a great many cases, they aren't.. the power is within you...

you have found a safe place to share and hear others stories and how they handle it.. I pray you will find the peace you deserve.. the strength to move through this.. and to heal and receive the greater picture that we may not always understand or even see when we have hit these low points..

please keep us posted.. richest blessings


I certainly understand how you feel. I have never been an overly religious person, but have always believed in God and Jesus. I cannot say I attended church faithful nor read the bible very much - except when I was younger. However, I always held that belief.

When my Mother was really sick about 3 1/2 years ago - I begged the visiting pastor to see if he could help me. Even if it was post a note a church to see if anyone would volunteer or even get paid to sit with my Mother for a few hours while I got out. But he basically said - can't help you and was left on my own without another word from the church - except my yearly letter of "how much I should be donating compared to how much I was donating".

Talk about furious and hurt. I stopped donating to the church - although my Father still snuck it LOL!!!! I did not loose faith in God per say - but lost faith in the church itself.

I am also not a real big prayer. It's odd, but I never really wanted to pray for anything "big" cause I didn't want to be selfish. I only prayed for the health of my family. When my Father's cancer turned terminal - I changed that prayer from getting better and being healthy to please don't let him suffer. And he really didn't all that much. It was a long 7 months and 3 days - but it was ok (as ok as dying can be).

My Father death in June 2005 - brought me to a closer relationship with God. Not so much the praying and asking for things - nor the going to church (still take care of my Mother and its hard to get out) - but more reading and just talking in my head - and instead of having a basic concept of God - changed some of my beliefs a little. I think my Father's passing made me more spiritual for lack of better words.

I just recently found out I was pregnant HUGE HUGE suprise - and I am 38 - and have a daugther who will be 20 next month. I had NO INTENTION of having more children - but I do believe this was a gift from God. So I have started praying again for my health and what is meant to be will be.

I think that Glenda had a good suggestion - maybe that was just not the church for you. I hear stories of people from church coming together with fellow members in their time of need. It is out there.

And as Gail said - everyone is human - even the highest person in the church is human and may not realize that they are not meeting someone's needs.


I noticed this is an old post, but I have not been to church in at least a year if not more. The same thing as others noted, my pastor doesn't really seem to care and my so called friends were always telling me to let them know if I needed anything and of course when I did it was "why don't you ask so and so", so I got tired of that. I have also helped a lot of the same people through rough times in their life and they really can't be bothered. If one friend took me to the hospital when I had cancer she always told the church secy and it didn't dawn on me until a few years later was that she always needed to pat on the back that she helped me. I always did it because I wanted to help someone if I could and always tried before I was asked. I do have a few friends left and I no longer volunteer at church.

I am going to start looking for a new church because I am not doing a service to my children by not attending.
Hi Donna,

Unfortunately, I hear this story so often... priests are human.. churches except for the Vatican are generally understaffed.. but mostly many of all faiths don't know how to minister when it comes to serious illness issues... this is one of the reasons, spirituality is gaining more credibility because we are so much more...

Forgive us!

I am a pastor who has spent many hours over and above the call of duty being there for people who were ill. I have arranged meals, transportation, and simply people who will sit and listen. I have cried with my members and hugged them lots. I have sat for hours with a spouse who had no support while their spouse was undergoing surgery. I have stayed hours at a hospital giving support to a family seeing a loved one die or before the plug was pulled. Yet I am sure that I have failed many many times. We complained to ourselves when I was asked to give up my Christmas eve with my family for a member who wanted to talk but would settle for a visit on Christmas Day.

Having said that, the tables are now turned. My mother is dying with cancer in the hospital. She also now has developed significant dementia. My mother in law is in a nursing home with advanced Alzheimers and now my wife of 36 years is losing her 3+ year battle with Ovarian Cancer. I have had to step out of ministry because I couldn't function effectively any longer.

I can understand how someone could lose faith. I have not. In fact, I am perhaps as strong as I have ever been. Yet very little help is given from our church. None but a handshake on Sundays from our Pastor. A few in the church would actually do something like prepare a meal or clean our house etc, if theyt were asked but we would never ask and they don't understand that.

I have a need. I wish I could have someone who would occasionally sit with me, sometimes hold my hand or give me a hug and tell me (and show me) that they love me and that everything is going to be OK.

It sure gets lonely, doesn't it.

Does anyone else ever feel the same way? I am new here and this is my first post. Obviously I am better giving support than receiving it!
Dear Joe,

I know your post is rather old but it seems that maybe the Lord led me to it to answer. This is also my first post.

While, like you, I continue to believe that the Lord is the only answer to the stuggles of this season as He has been to the past seasons...and while I have learned that it is His job---not necessarily the church's----to meet my needs, I do feel lonely in the battle. I also feel alot of guilt about why my mother (for whom I am caring full time---with lots less stress than you have with a mother in law and wife also sick!) has to try to see Jesus in me (because I fall so short). I don't understand why I cannot "go with the flow" and be the servant that I desire to be and that I am called to be in this season. Sometimes I don't want to get out of bed.

I know that God sees it all and knows exactly what He has in mind for me, for my mother, and for all involved in your situation. For what it is worth I extend you and e-hand to hold to say it is going to be okay.

God bless you
I hear that some of you have been disappointed by people. But god or the higher power that we believe in never lets us down. What is important is that we have faith and that very act assumes that there is nothing expected in return. Yet we do need to know there is someone out there that understands so we are not so alone-voila! the chat room with kindred spirits we would be hard pressed to find if it were not for the internet.
Love to you all,

While it is ok to give up on humans/each other, it is never OK to give up on GOD. We cannot place trust in any man...they will always fail us. Some people go to church for their own gains, while some pastors only care in what is in the collection baskets, that being said, I would encourage that you Angie continue to have fellowship with God and continue to put your trust in him...he will never fail you. Many times we expect little or much from others, but we ourselves fail to give what we expect. May God's continued blessings be with all.

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