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Hello Veecee, welcome will find many in the same shoes as yourself here at the site...Keep posting on the boards and come visit us in the chat room...where we have regularly scheduled chats...the community is extremely supportive and loving. It is so important to reach out for support as you are.

Where are you from? What is your mom's present condition? Do you work? Do you have help? Let us know a bit more about yourself and start asking all the questions you need support on...we are here for you.

Richest blessings
Gail thank you much for the welcome. It feels good already to know that there are many others out there that have been or are going through the same thing in taking care of a loved one.

I live in Southern California. Where the skies are usually blue and sunshiny & the ground shakes with a recurring frequency. My 3 sons are grown & I do not work outside the home. I have just discovered I love being a Grandmother. I have 3 beautiful grandchildren.

My mother in law who is 78 has been diagnosed with colon cancer. After having a complete bowel blockage in November surgery was done and much of her colon was removed leaving her with a colostomy. Since surgery she has suffered from mental confusion. At first they thought it was from the anasthesia, then they decided it was caused from the pain medication. Finally the doctor told us this just happens with older people sometimes after surgery.

After 3 weeks in the hospital she was transferred to a nursing home for an additional 3 weeks of skilled nursing care. While there her mental condition began to deteriorate even more. She was a 2 hour drive away from us so we could not be with her everyday. I just had this feeling that if we could get her out of there & back into a home environment maybe we would see some improvment. At first my husband & his 2 siblings were not in agreement but once the insurance company was ready to release her from the skilled nursing care they finally decided to let me give it a try.

The first 24 hours having her home was the hardest. She was so confused we could not take our eyes off of her for 1 second. Then the next 24 hours she slept almost constantly. Like she was drugged or coming off some drug. When she finally woke up on that 3rd day she was so much like mom again. Her first question was what happened to me?

She has been with us for 3 weeks now. Mentally things are much better. As she tires in the afternoons the confusion begins to return, but it is light compared to that first day home.

Before all this happened just 2 months ago she had her own home and was living on her own. So she is struggling with what she has had to give up. She does not want to be a burden on her children so living with us is difficult for her. Yet see seems to realize there is no way she could be on her own right now.

Because we had to move her from one county to another her medical insurance will not pay for anything here except emergency treatment. Trying to get any help from her doctors via the telephone is a full time job in itself. We cannot get new insurance for her until February 1st. When that happens she will be able to choose a doctor in our area.

The biggest problems we have faced is taking care of the colostomy. We have been plagued with problems and no one would return our phones calls or help us. Until my brother in law got on the phone to the insurance company and raised a ruckus. They then provided us with 2 visits from a home health care nurse. Those visits turned out to be invaluable to us. More help would be nice but I am not sure how to go about obtaining it?
Hi there.... ....and welcome...

I'm in Canada so I don't know how your Home Care is run there in comparison to here....but for what it's worth...they can and are a BIG help in caring for someone. I appreciated their assistance while I was caring for my mom...but...I did have to fight hard to get a lot of it. Here they try to cut down on all care as much as they can, mostly because of poor organization in the office, and a shortage of nurses. With much persistence though and every once in a while getting through to the "right" person I was able to get what I was asking for. It was not the worker's fault...they were terrific....It was office personnel and so called red tape... ..
As frustrating as it is keep at them...

Sorry I can't help with the insurance problem...things "medical" are run totally different here in Canada.

Good luck...
Hi Veecee

I am happy you made it into the chat room and that we had the opportunity to discuss your situation. The more I thought about it, the more I was convinced that you might be headed in the right direction through the use of humor for both you and your mom.

Also calling the doctor and staff and asking them how to prevent the problems you are encountering...what the solutions are..keep on their backs until you get the information and support you need..

Please keep us posted...and especially let us know how you are doing.

Richest blessings to you and to your mom.

Warmest wishes

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