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Jessie has been living with my husband and me since 1998 when we bought her house. She was married to my grandmothers nephew. That's how I'm related to her. She never had any kids, but she has two nephews. They never came around unless they thought she was giong to die. Last year she got pneumonia. She was in the hospital for 3 weeks, then went to a nursing home for 3 weeks. While she was in the hospital the nephews got upset that she made me health power of att. They hadn't seen her for 3 years, but that didn't matter. After she went to the nursing home one of them got her to sign a poa for him. He took all her money out of the bank, which made the checks bounce that I had out for bills, he changed her address, which almost made her loose her co-insurance, because it came before everything went through and the envelope was stamped " no new address" The only thing that saved us was the mailman new she lived here, so he delivered it and I paid it. He even set up her funeral where she specifically said she didn't want it. When she came home, we had a heck of a time getting her money back, but we finally managed it,(minus what he spent) she made me POA. That nephew(Butch) has been coming once a month to see her. The other one(Bill) has been here twice in the past year.
This year she had to have an operation. Neither nephew was there, they knew about it, but Butch had to go to Clolrado and Bill had to work.
She is now back at the rest home, which is 40 miles away, the way gas is, I can't get there every day. Plus I had to get a job, because all the time I've been taking care of her, I didn't get paid. And my hubby got laid off over a year ago so I am just trying to keep my car and utilities. I don't expect to have the internet much longer, but I can go to my daughters for that.
Well, now Butch's girlfriend is going to see her everyday. She tells us how good Jessie is doing, the nurses say different. She wants Jessies dog, so she can take her to see her. Well, we take the dog to see her, and I'm not giving up a dog I've had for 8 years. And if we give her Jessies money, she'll take her to live with her, and it would be much easier if she had POA. This lady can't work because she's getting disability, so how can she take care of someone that's in a wheelchair?
So I need to find Jessie a lawyer, any ideas how I should start? I know there is some group on the elderly's rights, but I can't remember the name.
Plus, what should I be asking or telling the nursing home? Thanks for any suggestions.
Cheryl
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Hi, Cheryl.

Well, first let me commend you for taking care of your grandmother's nephew's widow. I guess that would make her a cousin-in-law ... sort of? You don't specify ages, but I'm thinking she seems like an aunt to you? It certainly sounds as though she is family. Do any of your other family feel this way about her?

I know how you feel about driving to a facility to see a loved one while on a limited income. My mom is in a nh about 20 miles away (30 min each way). I've been going to see her on average twice a week, usually in the sub-compact car that gets better mileage than my pickup truck. After my visit with her yesterday, I'm going to have to up that to every other day for awhile.

Anyway, I don't have any real legal advice. I'd be wary about allowing the nephew's girlfriend to gain POA. What would happen if they split up? The social worker at the home might be able to refer you to one or more atty's specializing in elder care.

I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Please let us know how it goes, and know that you can come here just to vent, if you need to.

Hugs,
Barb
Hello Cheryl,

Welcome... what a story... as for finding elder care lawyers you can call the:

The THE ELDERCARE LOCATOR - 1-800-677-1116

you can also call the local senior center and ask for the social worker to make a referral or referrals as well as your local department of aging or area agency on aging..

please keep us posted and let us know how you are making out.

richest blessings
gail
I would like to thank everyone for your thoughtful and helpful comments. I wish I would have found this site long ago. Jessie gave Butch POA so she could go live with him since she couldn't come back home (no one there to take care of her) and it has been a rollercoaster ride since then. He came and said Jessie wanted this, this, and this, which I don't mind, Jessie can have all her stuff. I'm not trying to keep it from her. But then he started asking for stuff that wasn't her's. Like a lift chair that she used ( a loan from the local VFW ) wheelchair and walker ( VFW ) my pendulem clock ... anyway when he said he was going to take the house, we had the police remove them. Oh yes his girlfriend was with him. I called the nursing ass. we had helping when Jessie was home and a social worker is like the go between. Of course I have no rights now that she made him POA, tomarrow the SW is coming to get Jessie's personal items. There is no furniture fight right now because Jessie isn't happy at Butchs and wants to go back to the nursing home. I wish I could quit my job and just stay with her, but I can't. The last time I talked to her was the day they were suppose to take her home. She said she had fallen ( thank God she didn't break anything ) and the home couldn't get ahold of Butch or his girlfriend. They don't have home phones, only cells, so how could they not get hold of them?! I'm sorry, I'm just really upset and I guess I need to blow up a little. Plus, my daughter is taking my grandbabies and moving to MO. so I won't have the net at all in a couple of weeks, unless I can figure a way to get mine back. Thanks again for the input and prayers. God will get us all through our times! Bless you all!!
Hello pdgn68048

You really are in a difficult position... unfortunately one you may not have the options you'd like... perhaps you can talk with Jesse's social worker when she comes. I would encourage you to get some professional support to help you process through all these losses... including your daughter and grandaughter...

In a way it is probably good that you have full time work... I hope you enjoy the work as it can help you heal... having a purpose, a motivation etc.

Please keep us posted...

may your healing be gentle and nurturing.

gail

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