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I have had so much difficulty communicating with my dad trying to get him all the care he needs, but he doesn't want to use up his money. He lives with my mom and their rent at their assisted living is over $7,000 per month.

For months I was getting myself physically ill and became so agitated and anxious all the time.

I have learned that for my own health and well being, I can only do so much to help my parents. For my own sanity, I am beginning to be a litle selfish, taking time for myself to enjoy life.

He will turn 90 on June 25, 2007, and I will be throwing a small birthday party for him where he lives. We will show some old slides of my parents' past trips and that will make both of them so happy.
Wake up each day with a positive attitude and accept who you are. Like my mother always taught me, "tomorrow is another day."
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Hi Spencer:

I think that you are doing the right thing by taking care of yourself. Be selfish and enjoy life. That is what it is all about after all.

It is wonderful that your parents are still together and your dear Dad is turning 90! Wow... You have so much to be happy about. Enjoy your birthday party for dear Dad and keep taking care of you...

Love and Hugs from Glenda
I don't think Glenda really meant you are being selfish when you take care of yourself; I think she meant self preservation. It is NOT selfish to care for oneself before others. Let's face it, if we don't care for ourselves, and we fall apart, who will care for our parents?

We can only do so much for others and some of us are better at caring for our parents than others. My sister is going on two years taking care of my mom and she seems to be doing just fine. She tells me her secret is she lets "stuff" roll off her back...I guess that is the difference - I took everything to heart and made myself sick. And, as much as I tell myself there is nothing I can do for my mom (she has Alzheimer's), every time I am with her, which is Sundays, I take her for the day and evening, it takes me a day or so to get myself back on track.
Thank you both for your replies. Mimi, I was living in a financial crisis and my parents had some health issues. I got myself into such a frenzy and my anxiety became out of control.

I decided that if I didn't make certain changes and back off a little from trying to get things 100


Thanks, Glenderella and Mimi. You are always there for support when I need you, and I thank you so very much.

It had gotten to the point that all I did for days was worry about my parents and try to get the care for them that I thought would be best for them, which was impossible. I was trying too hard for my own good. Then I did become physically ill and realized that I deserved to have a happy life.

If I let stress take over, I suffer from a lot of physical pain. I have fibromyalgia, back and foot problems. Now I have learned a lesson, and I keep in touch with my parents by phone (not everyday) and see them once a week or so. It is the best thing I could have done for myself.

By the way, months ago on this website I think that maybe one of you might have suggested a good book to read about caring for the elderly that had some humor to it. Would you know what book it is?

My 25 year old daughter continued to tell me that I need to stop arguing with my dad, because I might stress him out which would not be healthy for him or me. It is amazing how you can learn from your own children.
I too have Fibromyalgia, diagnosed with it over 18 years ago so yes, I too understand chronic, daily pain that does flare up when I have emotional pain and stress is a huge trigger. Sounds like you are beginning to understand how to care for YOU. I'm sorry I don't know what book you are referring to, maybe someone else knows???
Be well,
Miriam

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