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Why does it seem each day is worse than the last one? I guess it is just me. I know my husband is very sick (Lou Gehrigs) and I understand he is hurinh, angry and confused. I am the only one who cares for him. No one else can help me and I certainly can not afford to hire anyone. Hospice comes in 5 days a week to bathe him, nurse once a week and the Chaplin and Social Worker (sometimes). The Nurse is here 15 minutes, the Aide an hour and the social worker and chaplain a few minutes. That leaves the rest to me.
Like I said, I know he hurts, doesn't feel well most of the time, has no more use of his hands, feet, legs, etc. But he is just so mean to me that I feel as if I could just walk out and never come back. I have been crying for two days because of his ugly remarks and hatefulness. We have been married 35 years and I know this is not "the man I married" but it hurts just the same.
I am 62 with Osteoporosis and have had cancer twice. I pulled a muscle yesterday trying to get him out of bed, but get no time to "heal".
I know I am just having a "pity party" here and I except that, but I also feel like I just can't do this anymore. So what do I do now?
I just don't know anymore.
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Hello Evelyn:

I think it might be good to sit down and talk with your husband if you can. I can only imagine that he is afraid and angry at this point... Do not take what your hubby says to heart. Realize that it is, as you say, not him talking but the pain,the anger and the fear in him coming out. However, you, too, are hurting and possibly even exhausted at this point...

But, it might help if you can sit down and talk to him about how you are feeling. It is okay to cry and cry and cry about it all. Let him know your sadness and where you are at in the journey is the saddest time of all. Speak to him from your heart and let him know how much you have loved him for the past 35 years. Forgive him for hurting you as he has...

I am not saying this to sound as if I am preaching or anything. I am saying to do this for you. You will feel better and, since he may be gone from you sometime in the near future, it will help to let him go without words unspoken.

Here are a couple of articles that may help you during this time:

I hope that these articles help a little bit. In the meanwhile, do take care of yourself... Do not push yourself with a pulled muscle right now. Remember this is a holiday weekend... So, start by taking it off and do not jump and run after anything. Get yourself a cup of hot chocolate and perhaps find a good book to read. You need to also take care of YOU!

Love and Hugs from Glenda
Hello Evelyn,

Welcome.. It isn't easy having to care as you are. I would encourage you to ask Hospice to take him into their unit and respite you for a few days or weeks.. I am sure it can be arranged and it will give you time to yourself that you are needing..

let us know how you make out.


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