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Hi all,
When my husband passed away 3 weeks ago, I knew it would take time to heal. When I have to do the paperwork involved now, (insurances, will, etc) it seems so much harder to deal with. I was doing all the changes to accounts that are necessary, and a part of me feels like I'm erasing him off the face of the earth like he never existed. I know this isn't true and that he'll always be with me, but the feelings are still there. I get so angry with myself at times because I know this is a normal grieving process I'm going through, but it doesn't make the pain any easier. I had to say goodbye to not only my husband, but he was also my best friend. There are times I see older couples with their grandkids, or just walking with each other and I cry because I'll not have that. How do I get through this??
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Dear ArtNut:

I am so sorry about what you are going through. It has got to be so tough during this time... I know it is scary during this time of loss and hard moving on from care-giving.

This is the time of heartache for you now. Let the tears flow and do what you can to keep your beloved alive in your heart and mind. Out of the darkness comes light...

Love and Hugs from Glenda
You just wrote the same thing that I did earlier on in the grieving process - its like you are erasing them - but you know that your not. That's a lot to deal with soooooo soon.

Fortunately or unfortunately - I did not have to do a lot of "erasing" - my Mother is still living - and I take care of her full time. I left his name on the bank accounts - on their old house - etc -

The one thing I want to point out - is the grieving process is even harder when you have such a "special" relationship with the person that passed. As you look at these "old couples" walking with their grandchildren - keep in mind what a wonderful and special relationship you had with your husband. Hopefully these people do as well - but what you see isn't really always how it is. Some people will never experience the love and friendship that you had with your husband. I know from a spousal standpoint - I never have and doubt I ever will. With my Father - I just "assumed" MOST Father's were like him -I kinda took him for granted - cause he was the only constant my entire life. Now I know better - so the "special" relationship I had with him - makes it harder to get past the grief but in the same respect - I know that many people NEVER have that kind of relationship with a parent - so for that I am forever blessed.

You are doing what needs to be done - as hard as it may be - he will NEVER be erased from your heart or soul and that is the ONLY thing that really matters - really makes you think when all is said and done - the material things - can't take it with you - so when its your time - you are left with the love you had in your lifetime.

Hugs,

Janet
Thanks for your support Glenda and Janet. I know how much we loved each other and there's nothing that can ever take that away. Last night was trick or treating here and I remember how much of a kick he got out of seeing the little ones running up to the door. There will always be special memories of him and I'm so thankful for that. Your comments were just what I needed to hear! Thanks so much and God bless you both!!!!
Johanna

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