Skip to main content

Hi, to all. Just venting, no replies necessary:

Okay, most of you know that I care-give for my mother in the nh and my DH here at home.

DH's folks are headed this way as I write. They live in MS about an hour or so north of New Orleans. Their little town has over doubled in population since Katrina and there is a housing shortage. They've been having money trouble, so they sold their house to get out of debt (he's 84, she's 76, I think). They had a place lined up to rent, but the deal fell through so now they have no place to go.

I'm a little nervous about having them here long term. We're all hoping it will only be for a few weeks. Even though I've known them 20 years, we've never spent more than a few days together at a time.

They both have mobility issues, and I worry about them on the stairs. Their last couple of visits, I had flashbacks to my mother trying to make that top step. DH won't give up our room downstairs - so that's just how it will be.

MIL's a "take-over" type of person, and loves to cook, so if we need to reorganize the kitchen some where she can get to things more easily, I'll let her do that. But I'll have to put my foot down about the rest of the house - which will be tough.

BTW, my brother came up from S Fla on July 1st. He wrecked his car going home a couple of weeks ago, and it will still be another week or so before it is fixed. He's been staying here and using Mom's car to see her at the nh almost every day. He's going to be spending weekends and some nites with friends, and some nites here on the sofa. I feel really rotten moving him out of the guest room, but he's allergic to something in my house, so he's been visiting various friends all this time anyway, but they all live about an hour away, so he really prefers to use us as his base (and DH and I both love having him here).

Okay, so if I'm a little frazzled the next few weeks, you'll know why.

DH had a bad week this week with his usual pain and now nauseau, which we think may be one of his meds. Mom caught the lower GI bug that's been going around the nh. I'm going to check on her today, and be very careful not to carry any germs home!

Sigh! Once again, I ask for positive thoughts that things will go okay here. My little mundane troubles are so small compared to what some of you are going through. Thanks for letting me "angst" among you.

Barb in Bama
Original Post

Replies sorted oldest to newest

Dear Barb:

You are in my thoughts and prayers that this will not end up being an extra burden on you for very long. How is the housing market where you are? Is there a chance that they can find a house nearby to relocate into? Then set them up with some in-home help?

It would be too much for anyone to let them stay indefinitely without some plan such as that... Or perhaps get them an apartment in an assisted-living facility... My mother lives in one and it is great! Here is their link to give you an idea:

She has her own little apartment with a kitchen and has lived there for nearly five years. She has a cleaning person come in weekly and is provided two meals a day included in the rent. The rent isn't that much higher than a little house or apartment would be.

I hope this helps a bit. Remember to take deep breaths during this time and keep a sense of humor. You are an angel Barb...

Love and Hugs from Glenda
Hi, Glenda.

Thanx for your reply and the link.

Mom was in assisted living before the nh, so I'm familiar with that kind of set up. The one your mom is in looks very nice, though. My IL's are pretty tight with a dollar and still pretty independent, but I'll mention this as an option for them to think about.

Actually, MIL called a little while ago. I have a reprieve until Monday. FIL backed his car into a tree, so they are camping at BIL's over the weekend. They had a family function at his wife's folk's place, so they aren't home.

Also, MIL said they worked out an arrangement for the apartment they were planning to rent, but it won't be available until Sept 1st. Got my fingers crossed on that one.

BTW, Glenda, I noticed the other day you changed from hot chocolate to iced mocha, was it? Being in the south, I'm into iced tea and diet soda, myself. LOL! Have you been having the dreadfully hot weather where you are?

Thanks again, for being such a good listener and shoulder for support.

Hi Ladies,
Hope you don't mind if I jump in. Barb, don't ever feel bad or guilty for venting about your problems because they don't seem as big as another's. Bottom line, they cause us stress and stress causes havoc in all of us. My sister is one of those people that, when I use to complain, she would ALWAYS come back with a story about someone who had it much worse and would then say something about the glass being half empty or half full and I always felt bad thinking I had no right to be complaining, until I went into therapy. Thank God for my therapist because the last thing I needed was more stress and guilt!! In any case, this is a safe haven for all of us to go and "dump" our problems, no matter how big or small and at times find answers or at least a shoulder to lean or cry on. By the way, I hope that the living arrangements with you IL's are very short term and they settle in quickly to some kind of housing outside your home. Bottom line, it just isn't easy caring for our parents in our homes.
As far as the weather, I live in the midwest (Chicago burbs) and I can't believe how hot and humid it has been and continues to be here...I'm talking well into the high 90's with some days having heat indices of 110 - 115. My drink of choice?? Usually diet soda but lately it's mainly iced water with lemon...never realized how refreshing that can be.
Well, gonna go pay some bills now and then go workout, of course indoors!! Exercise for me has been the best stress well,
Hi, Mimi.

Thanks for your kind words. You are such an angel here, as others have pointed out. I guess I was just stating that right now, my little world does not entail life and death battles. Not that any of us couldn't go at any time, we've just all stablized where it's not expected.

So, if you're in Chi-town, do you cheer for the Cubbies or the White Sox? I like the Cubs, except when they play the Braves or the Astros. I'm okay that the Sox won the Series. Just glad the Astros finally got to go.

Well, time to spend "quality time" with DH.

Hope your weekend is going well.

Hi Barb,
Being a northsider, I've always been a Cubs fan, although I'm not much of a sports nut. You'd think I would be having spent the past 30 years or so surrounded by boys and men(3 sons and hubby), with one son being very involved in wrestling, karate, football, hockey and rugby. For so many years, all I could watch on TV were sports programs, that is, if I wanted to spend any time with any of them. Now all three boys are grown and living in different states and I can watch any program I want...think I'd rather have them here watching sports programs ...enjoy your evening with your DH and the rest of the weekend,

[This message has been edited by MIMI427 (edited 07-29-2006).]
Hi Barb:

Great news about the apartment and September 1 is getting closer... Is the apartment in MS or nearby? Hopefully all is going well for you today! Hang in there with MIL and spoil yourself with a big glass of iced tea - love that myself on a hot day.

Mimi, please jump in, we need you! Sometimes when I am answering a posting, I think to myself - I know someone will differ with what I am saying and that's okay. When I read a posting completely opposite to my thinking, it helps to see that point of view. I am always learning something new it seems! I especially like to read it before I post something dim (witted - lol).

Well, Barb, it has gotten somewhat warm around here for about a week. This last week has cooled down a bit especially at night. Last night it was pouring down rain for a bit. So, usually it is warm drinks for me (even in the hot weather - comfort beverages)...

So, Mimi, how are the doggies? My latest new pup got out of the electric fence yesterday and when I checked on him, he was outside the fence line barking like crazy to get back in... Aren't they something? I guess I'd better build a outdoor kennel for my two big boys. That way, when it is impossible for me to babysit them, in they go...

So, Barb, know that we are thinking of you today. Hopefully there will be some dinners out so you can get waited on for a change... I have my sister coming in during August and can relate to the anxiety of family. Looking for a cleaning lady now!

Love and Hugs from Glenda
Greetings from Hell...
it may as well be...heat indices of about 110 degrees today...gosh, it is HOT. Poor puppies don't even want to go out. They stick their noses out the door and turn around and come back in. I was able to get most of the skunk odor out of them, thank goodness, but all the scrubbing of them and the house left me in bed most of yesterday with major back pains.
I also learned today, by going for an eye examination that I have closed-angle glaucoma. Boy, what a shock! He said that it is in early stages and I just need a laser procedure to place some holes in my eyes, which "should" make everything okay; I will have the first eye done in two weeks. Funny, I was just going in because I did feel my vision was weakening -- I've worn contacts a major portion of my life. The good news is that my vision has actually improved a little. Oh more thing to deal with. Honestly, I am somewhat frightened by this. I think before the procedure I am going to set up an appointment with another ophthamalogist for a second opinion. That's my news
Mimi and Glenda -

Thanks for your replies. I'm on the laptop under the auspices of doing paid work and paying bills, but I just had to pop in and see how things are going here.

Eating out - well, since MIL is an excellent cook, I'll get waited on in respects to that once she learns my kitchen, she won't let me help much. She brought a cooler full of fresh peas and beans from the family garden - which I think is in BIL's yard this year. Oh, and okra - of which I am not a fan, but DH *loves*.

I think it's driving her nuts that I don't have a list of things for her to do, and DH is doped up and asleep right now. I could go on, but I'm supposed to be working...

Mimi, I'm sorry to hear about your vision problem. Sounds like it's correctable, though. Hope all goes well... in "hell." LOL!

Glenda, I hope your online lessons get more manageable. I really admire you for that. I'm supposed to be self-learning some new programming stuff for a new contract. Some of it is very interesting, but some of it is tedious. I could "cheat" and just copy stuff off the CD that came with the book, but then I won't learn it as well.

Gotta go.

Add Reply

Link copied to your clipboard.