It has been about a month and a half ago that my mom passed away. I am doing ok. I spent the first two or three weeks on the brink of tears, spent alone time in her room, "the room where time stands still" I have begun to think of it as. I can't stand to turn her calendar with the birds on it (she always loved birds and I bought it for her for Christmas); it is stuck on July. Then, my husband and I got incredibly busy, with DockDogs events and such and I wonder if that isn't my answer to this, to stay too busy to think. I think it may be the right answer for me, because now that things are beginning to settle down, the hurt isn't so raw and the memories of her last few weeks so clear. I still have guilt at times, as I can think of so many things I should have done and said before it was too late, should have enjoyed my time with her more, instead of always trying to rush things and stay "in control." However, this summer was quite special and I am grateful that I was able to have time with Mom and take care of her. I am grateful that she passed away while I was still able to do that and that she died at home, with people who loved her nearby.
I have days I don't think of her that much and others where I get these pangs of loneliness, especially at certain times of the day, like when I am backing out of the driveway in the morning, she would always be at the window to wave to me. I still find myself glancing at the window, expecting to see her there. But I think I am doing pretty much as well as to be expected, in case anyone is wondering.
I want to thank all of you who were such a help to me during my mother's struggle with Alzheimers and her cancer. You were such a blessing to me.