I thought I WAS taking care of myself....but

Hi Susan,
How wonderful that you were able to take a break and see your brother and family. I can only imagine how beautiful the Shenendoah's are.
I don't think the stress ever goes away, no matter how healing the "breaks" can be. We always come back to our reality. When you got off the plane, you stepped back into your real world and it's not a peaceful place sometimes. But, you were able to get away and hopefully made some good memories. I try to think of those positive adventures and sometimes take a minute and journal my feelings about the "warm fuzzies"!
I can't give you mental help - I need it myself!!! So, I'll keep you in my prayers.
Chris

Hi Susan.

I'd have to say, be thankful you have help taken care of your father. I myself go it all alone. That sounds like a nice break. The stress of coming back to the rat race is always a bummer. But at least you got away!
Take it slow and get away whenever you can!
Sue

Hello Susan,

Firstly, don't be so hard on yourself for wanting your own life back with your husband.. Unfortunately it may never be the same, and how you cope and move through this will greatly affect your relationship for now and the future.

I encourage you to write a little bit like a journal, to get your anger, frustrations, perhaps fears and resentments out.. so you become a clearer vessel.. and while you are venting here, you will find it safe and nurturing to learn some tools and ideas that can assist you in balancing your own life and needs in between the caregiving of your fil.. as you move into this new mode, you will be able to communicate more effectively with your husband.. and may even be less resentful to your fil...

I think most people think if they go away for a while, when they return to their home and same situation that it would be healed .. and obviously as you are experiencing it, this isn't the case.. but perhaps you can begin to take time on a daily basis to do something special for you.. things are mentioned all of the site and in postings here at the boards.. taking warm, candle lit baths with aromotherapy.. taking walks, dancing, writing, listening to uplifting music, reading an inspiration book.. you have choices in any given moment as to how you choose to be with your fil.. do you want to respond with love or react with all the mixed feelings you have within? When you get in touch with this, you will make wiser choices to help you move through all of this... keep us posted..

gail

Chris and Sue,
Thank you so much for replying. You both gave me some things to think about, I really do appreciate it. I guess I am fortunate to have been able to take that break, when there are so many others, like you, Sue, that "go it alone". Thanks again.
Susan

Hi Susan.

You hang in there. Like Gail said, take breaks whenever you can! Don't feel bad about it either. Notice how others run far away and they don't seem to feel bad. If they do, they override it mentally! There is always one person who usually gets the whole role. That's because we can handle it.
Sue

Sue,
You're right. Some people do run because they can't handle it. Sometimes I do want to run, but I really wouldn't do that. I know I have to accept the fact that this is my life now. I guess I'm having a hard time fully accepting that. I am seeing a Psychologist and she has been extremely helpful. I decided to see her once a week now. Well, I sure do feel better..Thanks alot..I think it's time for me to check some other topics, maybe I can help someone like you and Gail helped me!!

Hi Susan.

Glad to hear that! You are right, because you can't run. Now that is something to feel guilty about, I mean to run. Now, you haven't done that. Thinking about it is good, it's an escape. A vacation is not running away. It's necessary. You are compassionate and caring. You can think whatever you want - no one has to know if you don't want them too! The imagination is a wonderful tool.
Have a great weekend!
Sue