Hello Susan,
Firstly, don't be so hard on yourself for wanting your own life back with your husband.. Unfortunately it may never be the same, and how you cope and move through this will greatly affect your relationship for now and the future.
I encourage you to write a little bit like a journal, to get your anger, frustrations, perhaps fears and resentments out.. so you become a clearer vessel.. and while you are venting here, you will find it safe and nurturing to learn some tools and ideas that can assist you in balancing your own life and needs in between the caregiving of your fil.. as you move into this new mode, you will be able to communicate more effectively with your husband.. and may even be less resentful to your fil...
I think most people think if they go away for a while, when they return to their home and same situation that it would be healed .. and obviously as you are experiencing it, this isn't the case.. but perhaps you can begin to take time on a daily basis to do something special for you.. things are mentioned all of the site and in postings here at the boards.. taking warm, candle lit baths with aromotherapy.. taking walks, dancing, writing, listening to uplifting music, reading an inspiration book.. you have choices in any given moment as to how you choose to be with your fil.. do you want to respond with love or react with all the mixed feelings you have within? When you get in touch with this, you will make wiser choices to help you move through all of this... keep us posted..
gail