I went out and sat in the yard this morning, which I always realized was inadvisable, but it is one of the few pleasures I have right now. Mom almost never wakes up early in the morning and I come in and check on her frequently. We were up at 4:45 this morning going to the bathroom (and not quite getting there in time), so I didn't think for a minute that she would be up again at 8:30. I was sitting in the swing, thinking, and I guess time got away from me. When I went in to check, she was yelling for someone to help her. She was on the toilet (heaven only knows how she got there without help). She had tinkled on the floor, trying to make it there. Since her toilet riser wasn't on, she was really hurting and couldn't get up. It is a wonder she didn't fall. I feel just terrible and it is completly my fault for not being there for her. She demanded to know where I was. There doesn't seem to be any injury, but I really let her down. Sometimes I feel like I am just not cut out for this, too self involved maybe. Maybe she just can't be left alone for even one minute and I just don't get it. Or else, maybe I just have to be absolutely sure I am checking on her often if I go outside, like every three minutes. If I can't even go out in the yard, I am not sure I can take this. It is getting harder and harder to get help from friends and family, as the bathroom thing is getting more and more difficult.