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Hello and thanks for reading my post.  I hope some of you can help me with my situation.  I have had a friend for 2 years now...we really have had a close relationship.  My friend is not single, yet the 3 of us would get along great.  Perhaps our relationship grew too close and feelings were involved between the two of us.  As much as we tried,  it was hard to push those feeling aside.  I believe that was mutual ( I could be wrong).  Anyhow, we all got along fine.  Along comes a new person who wants to be friends and my friend just drops me, begins to ignore me, I am no longer the person who is on the other end receiving the text messages, phone calls, etc.  I called it out and had a discussion with my friend.  I didn't feel like there was much truth or concern coming from my friend.  I felt my friend was being defensive.  Others begin to notice the change in how my friend was no longer giving me attention the attention was now on the other person.  So much to the extreme that rumors started.  My friend and the new person apparently realized that they were being to obvious and have tried to change but I still see the interest amongst the two of them.  Now my friends other half has noticed but has kept quiet about it all.  My friend has still not changed towards me and I don't think things will change.  There is so much tension between us. My friend shows and reacts with so much resentment towards me.  I just don't know what to do.  I would have considered this to be a great friendship before the 3rd person arrived.  The two of us and several others make up a circle of friends.  I can't just leave my other friends if I walk away from the situation.  I don't know what to do.  I'm hurt and confused about the whole situation.

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Hi texusa:

 

I am sorry that you are hurting as the result of a friend's actions. I know that many of us here have lost friends during our caregiving years... It is hard to understand and can be so very hurtful as you know.

 

I think sometimes we learn through heartbreak when are friends are not true. It is not an easy lesson but, perhaps, it is better to know the truth. Just know that we have been through much the same thing at times. All one  can do is hold her head up and know that she has been a good friend in spite of it all...

 

Hang in there and know that others are here for you and hope to lessen your pain!

 

Hugs, Glenda

Originally Posted by glenderella:

Hi texusa:

 

I am sorry that you are hurting as the result of a friend's actions. I know that many of us here have lost friends during our caregiving years... It is hard to understand and can be so very hurtful as you know.

 

I think sometimes we learn through heartbreak when are friends are not true. It is not an easy lesson but, perhaps, it is better to know the truth. Just know that we have been through much the same thing at times. All one  can do is hold her head up and know that she has been a good friend in spite of it all...

 

Hang in there and know that others are here for you and hope to lessen your pain!

 

Hugs, Glenda

 Thanks Glenda....It is sad that we have to find out through hearbreak when our friends are not true.  It definitley is not easy.  My friend really confuses me at times.  We can be in same room alone and my friend will not say a single word to me.  I find myself being the one who is having to always start a conversation.  My other friends have noticed the tension between us.  I wish it was easy to just walk away. 

 

-texusa

Hi texusa:

 

I don't talk much about my twin brother. We were fairly close growing up being in the same grade and all. However, when he married his first wife (many, many moons ago), she basically kicked me out of their lives. I remember him just standing there letting it happen. I was in shock!

 

The pain is still as fresh today as it was back then. I don't know if we ever get over the loss of someone we thought we were very close to. I could go on to make excuses for my brother since he married very young. In fact, looking back I wonder if his new wife was not trying to isolate him from the family - she was not a nice person.

 

At any rate, they say time heals all wounds but I am not sure that has been proven to be true. What time has done for me has only changed my perspective on what has happened in the past. It makes me wish that I had been more gracious and not let that door slam in my face...

 

In fact that is maybe all we can do when faced with rejection by those we care about. Stand up for ourselves - let those know that we are a good friend (or sister as the case may be) and are there for them because we care about them. Then move forward with your pride intact. Leave the ball in their court and look for a new interest in life.

 

Loss leaves such a big hole and, perhaps, by finding a new interest in life such as a hobby or new exercise program, will help you find purpose in what you do. I hope that helps a little bit...

 

Blessings, Glenda

Hi Texusa

 

I totally understand the confusion and hurt you are feeling. Went through a similiar situation where friends of several years just started behaving completely strange towards to me. There was also the situation of me changing my boundries (I've been a doormat most of my life) and since trying to change the dynamic where I wasn't being trodden on all the time, they didn't like it.

 

In my mind you will need to make a decision with what you are happy with, and what kind of treatment you're going to accept. Those who are really are friends will stick with you if you decide to cut off certain associations. I went through the black hole of silence where i thought I didn't have a single real friend in the world except my hubby, but if you just wait awhile you'll see there were a whole bunch of friends all around you but because I was grieving over the lost friendships I didn't see them.

 

Trust your instincts. It may be rough, but remaining true to yourself is worth any kind of heartache, long term anyway....

 

Keep us updated!

 

Hugs to you

Sk

Thank you Skwirl.....I know the best thing for me to do is to walk away from it all.  Those who are my true friends will not lose contact with me.  However, like I said before, because there are feelings for this friend it makes it even more hard to walk away.  My friend knows what I feel and knows that I am always there when needed. Therefore, finds it easy to treat me however believing I will always be there.  Sort of like has me on a string. 

 

I hope to eventually find my way out. 

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