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Right now things are reasonable stable, and I can manage by myself. However, there have been times when my husband's PD gets out of control due to some stressor, when I can't manage by myself, but he refuses to have others around.

How have others overcome such a problem.

I've mentioned before my husband is a holocaust survivor. Not only do I hate to force something on him, it's impossible to do so. Also, when he's stressed, his mental abilities suffer and I can't reason with him. He doesn't understand my difficulties at such times.

Even now, when things are stable, mentioning getting help is a problem. We have a cleaning lady every second week for half a day. She's worked here for 3o years but he will make excuses every time she's due to find a way to cancel her day. sometimes I feel I'm doing my best just resisting that.

Any ideas?
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Hello Papagena:

I am sure it is more difficult with a spouse to get them to accept help. For example, with my father, I have a girlfriend (whom I met while her agency was providing hospice care for dad) come in and help. He tolerates her...

However, I think it is wise to make plans to provide for care for your husband now while he is stable. Introducing someone into his life (as you know already with the cleaning lady) takes time and patience. But, hold your ground.

Also, have you ever considered getting him care outside of the home? Here is a link to an article about Adult Day Care:

That is just another alternative to in-home care... I am not sure how feasible it is in your situation. But, I do know that hubby needs to understand that you will be no good to him if you get overstressed and ill. Explain gently to him that you need help. If he is not receptive at the moment then let it go and broach the subject again later in a gentle, loving manner. Let hubby know that you are thinking of his best interests and health. Be persistent with regards to the subject and consistently gentle with his interests in mind as your guiding force.

It is not easy to persuade another to accept help from others. Especially when you have other issues to contend with. But, you must take care of yourself as well and take steps now... My thoughts and prayers are with you and your hubby - best of luck to you Papagena.

Love and Hugs from Glenda
Hello Papgena... yes.. it is difficult getting loved ones to accept health.. in particular holocaust surviviors for they have fought so hard for their freedom... but you must go within and pray for guidance and direction how to approach him not so much for his own need but perhaps your own.. it is important to explain this from your heart when he is in an open and recpetive space... you must explain the worries that come over you when you are at work.. and when he is in the confused states etc.. ask him what he would do if the situation was reversed.. have him participate in making it a bit easier for you to continue with him at home.

Do you think he is into denial at all about how the disease will progress? If so, you may need to bring in someone who can mediate with both of you in a discussion about what to anticipate as it does progress... please keep us posted...

take care

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