I purchased a used IBM laptop from a posting on craignslist.. the guy lived 6 streets from me here in the city and it is a great little buy...needed a laptop for volunteers to enter data now that there are a few volunteers coming in during the same time periods.
In an effort to run the organization and keep things current, I am trying to respond to posts every week to ten days.. unless I feel there is an emergency.. I am able to view the posts as they are entered through a notice in my emails so I do keep abreast of it all..
We have a wonderful aid caring for my mother 24/7... almost immediately my mother on her good days wanted to fire her ... and I said you are going to need a special woman like this until you take your last breath.. if you want to be independent when you are feeling well.. then give her time off to be with her own mother or boyfriend.. and don't deduct her wages.. and when you need her, she is to be there fully present for you.. she surrendered.
Yesterday she phones and tells me in a rasping short of breath that she is having difficulty breathing. I said after nine years, you finally let me go out and buy you two air purifiers.. and on the two hottest days with the most humidity you sit outside in the weather breathing in the noxious pollutants.. so yeah mom, you are having trouble breathing... do you want to call the paramedics and go to the ER???????? NO!!!!
Well, let's look at it this way, if the paramedics were to come, what would they do... she said give me another breathing treatment.. I said how often... she says sometimes one after the other .. i said so why are you waiting again for the six hours which is what she always does...her response: I am too tired.. I am exhausted from not breathing properly.. and I slowly begin to raise my voice saying you will get tireder if you don't take a treatment.. get J to bring a treatment in... no, I don't want to disturb her, but mom - you are calling me during a busy work day to have this conversation with me.. you are paying J to take care of you, especially at times like this and why aren't you capable of calling her in.. she says nothing, hangs up the phone.. and calls me back with clarity in her voice to say she is feeling better... that's how i am with my mother...
on a higher note, my friend Denis is visiting from Vancouver for a week.. so we have been doing some wonderful things.. Our mutual friend Mitsuru took us to a magnificent Japanese sushi restaurant where we dined slowly, laughed lots and savored every morsel.. what an outrageously magnificent place.. none of us wanted to leave...
as for myself, I also had several conferences I attended and some workshops I gave so it's been full.. I am taking time to slow down more..and the more I do, the more I realize how stressed I am..
I called my mother this morning to invite her to dinner with Denis and myself.. she tells me she wants to say something about my brother but doesn't know if she should.. my loving brother who wants nothing to do with me.. because my parents always made me into a horror growing up, complaining to him.. so my brother is a carbon copy of my parents.. anyway she blurts it out that he fell off his bike, broke his shoulder and 3 ribs and will need surgery. I said I am sorry to hear this especially since he had a valve replacement and stroke this past year. He still goes car racing... so.. what do you want me to do with the information you gave me. Duh.. I don't know.. I am sorry I told you. You should be mother.. you have turned my brother against me and he has used me all my life just as you do...the son who comes to visit you once a year with his wife and daughter.. they spend 15 minutes with you on their arrival day, look at the emmaciated body you have let evolve, your oxygen in your nose and your swollen feet.. and they leave screaming you should be in a hospital and assisted living facility... next day upon entry into the hospital.. brother goes up to mother.. spends 20 minutes... telling her that she needs to be in a facility.. SIL and niece in lobby downstairs waiting for him to come down so they can go out to new jersey to ikea shopping for the day for their new million dollar home they are building in florida.. Mother why would you want to ruin my day? Push my buttons? Upset me?.... I am sorry... I can't do anything right was the reply...I am sitting here laughing so I am truly hoping that those of you reading it can relate and laugh in between the tears as well...
now I am off to a musuem for a nice day and out for the evening... luv 2 u all g
Oh Gail. You know, they know. It's very obvious who the dependent, loving person is - YOU! They know this. I think that manipulating is an insecurity. You are the rock and they know it. I am glad you had/are having some fun. I am glad you are feeling better too. You are so very intelligent. Does your mom/family know about your website? Hugs, Sue
she not only knows about the web site but about National ORganization for Empowering Caregivers, the non profit I founder.. truthfully in the beginning she thought I was crazy but I read many of the emails and tell her about alot of the successes and she is moved by them.. now she thinks I do the work of Mother Theresea which isn't so, but she knows that this is a mission and calling and that I do it all with my heart and love.
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