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Message:

{{{{{{{SANDY}}}}}}}

It is good to hear that you are getting in touch with so many good things. I loved hearing that you are even having wonderful conversations with you husband who is listening to you.... Your family sounds as if they are very loving and supportive....let them in.

Have a great day. Gail
Message:

SANDY

You are becoming a source of inspiration for me as well. I was thinking when I last lit a candle to relax other than when in a tub....I am going to be doing it more once again. I wonder when we don't do things for ourselves if it is truly because it is the easy way out....sometimes I just get so caught up...I forget.....but through the support of others...I get back on center and I am grateful for it truly is a blessing. Gail
Email: jiorns@snet.net

Message:

I was not nurturing myself and setting boundaries. That causes "burnout" and I can't have that! Thanks to you, I am now setting aside the evening hours to go outside ( where I love to be) and sit with my journal at the outside table. I lit a candle and sat there with the birds chirping, bugs buzzing, and bees humming all around me. I did the exercise for the week of June 10 and wrote in the journal for the first time.

There was no reason for me not to be taking this time for myself, I just took the easy way out and 'thought' about doing it. Yesterday being the first official day of summer, it was the start of a new beginning for me also. Starting was easy, now the hard part comes, in continuing to care about myself and my health, in body, mind and soul.

thank you again, Gail Mitchell for being there for me.
Email: jiorns@snet.net

Message:

Nurture yourself, that's the key!! I was worried about my weight gain and have just realized from reading your posting that I have been INDULGING myself. I think there is a difference there. Nurture--to support, nourish, to train or educate. Indulge--to pamper and gratify ones own desires. I have not been supportive of my own self. I need to nourish myself, not gratify every whim where food is concerned.

I think to nurture is also being kind to oneself and causing my own ill health is not being kind. As the kids say, I need to 'get a grip'. Gail, you sure do know how to say just the right thing to get my mind onto the right track. The writing is definitely doing something good for me. My husband is relating to me again even. I was withdrawing into myself too much. Now, in telling him about your site and the people here, he listened to me, didn't tune me out. I'm getting to be a person again!
I sit here and wonder how many of us, caregivers ever ponder the concept of having others give to us without the guilt? I understand that guilt is a useless and yet destructive emotion. As I ponder this, it is a learned behavoir that one must unlearn.
We find ourselves in a lifestyle and mind set.
If we have been at it since a very early age it can become the only thing that we know. If we continue in this role for many years then it becomes in a way, us. We tend to live vicariously through others and if we don't watch out we can loose our identity.
We wake up one morning and think, "Who am I?" "Iknow, I'm the one who comes last." "I'll take care of myself when I have a chance but I can't right now because so and so needs me..." "Oh sure, I'll read that self-help book or get some therapy or take a warm bubble bath complete with ambiance, (candles and soothing music) and then you hear the voice or see the face of the person that you care for and the book never gets read and the therapy.... oh yes, the bath water doesn't get thown out because you haven't even turned it on.
So, we continue our journey of the caregiver and that is that. It's not a bad thing. Since it is a very giving role we feel we must keep going for the sake of others. It's funny though, because the more we keep pushing ourselves for the sake of others we have no responsibility for ourselves. We don't even really try. We think about it but we don't act out the thoughts.
For all of us out there that can relate to what I'm saying, I say, "Thank God, for people out there like Gail Mitchell" She is the ultimate caregiver and yet she has learned the tools to help herself. She reaches out to all of us and at the same time remembers and understands who she is and what she must do to keep on going. She does this without the useless guilts.
She is lighting our way thru our sometimes dark journey to enable us to see that there is light and love out there for us. She is holding her hand out to us and asking us to hang on and that it is OK to have someone give us a hand once in awhile.
She is helping us take our "babysteps" out there in the "real" world and if we falter and fall she is there to pick us up. She works tirelessly to create a haven for us to come to and feel acceptance, understanding, friendship, encouragement and a world of light and love.
The world of caregiver has beome a different world to me because of "OUR ANGEL OF LIGHT AND LOVE, GAIL."
"THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART AND OTHER CAREGIVERS FOR THE HONOR OF KNOWING A SPECIAL ANGEL"
GOD BLESS AND MAY YOUR SPIRIT CONTINUE TO SHINE THROUGH YOU AND THE COUNTLESS OTHERS THAT YOU TOUCH.
quote:
Originally posted by GRM4LOVE:
Email: jiorns@snet.net

Message:

I was not nurturing myself and setting boundaries. That causes "burnout" and I can't have that! Thanks to you, I am now setting aside the evening hours to go outside ( where I love to be) and sit with my journal at the outside table. I lit a candle and sat there with the birds chirping, bugs buzzing, and bees humming all around me. I did the exercise for the week of June 10 and wrote in the journal for the first time.

There was no reason for me not to be taking this time for myself, I just took the easy way out and 'thought' about doing it. Yesterday being the first official day of summer, it was the start of a new beginning for me also. Starting was easy, now the hard part comes, in continuing to care about myself and my health, in body, mind and soul.

thank you again, Gail Mitchell for being there for me.



I just found you this morning. I had rough 2 days with my mom, my brother and mom's doctors. I posted part of my story this morning to Psych "On my Own" I feel so much relief since i have taken the time to read many of the posting.
Ya know, i didn't know i was allowed to nurture myself. I have had so many telling me that i do not do enough, guilt, guilt, guilt. Give me guilt and i will do anything, of course, except for myself. After so many years giving and doing for others, do I know how to do for myself? I don't think so. Someone teach me, please.
Hello Gloria...

I am so happy you found us. Rather than repeat myself I have posted a response to your first post earlier in their on my own category here at the boards...I hope that you will find it.

I am so happy to hear that you are feeling lighter having read what others have experienced....we are all here supporting one another.

The expression goes that when the student is ready, the teacher appears...and vice versa when the student is ready the teacher appears.

Keep in mind the phrase " after me, you come first". If we can not do and be there for ourselves we cannot be there fully for another. Yes, it is time to nurture yourself and free yourself from your guilt that seemingly others have bestowed upon you...unfortunately you accepted it...you had a choice...and chose to. Now you have the opportunity to make other choices to help increase the quality of your own life and your experiences.

Blessings to you. The role of caregiving wakens us to many new ways of being..While it might seem that we are in the dark in the midst of it all, there is light to show us another way of being.

IN LOVE & LIGHT
GAIL
>>
Ya know, I didn't know I was allowed to nurture myself. Someone teach me, please.<<

Hi Gloria,
I've just finished posting to you under "on my own" please read it. You told us the difficulty you were having with mom and brother but I am lost as far as mom's doctors go. Are they giving you a problem also? You have such a full plate already.

Oh, Sweetie, you certainly are allowed to nurture yourself. You have already started by posting here on the boards. You must feel 10 tons lighter just to get it off your chest.

There are so many nice things you can do for yourself:

1.) put a scented candle in the bathroom, and preferably use the same scent in the bath (bubble bath, foam, etc), relax with your head back on a towel and just breathe in the fragrance of the scents. Think of nothing but the beautiful scent.....and just BE.

2.) read a good book, listen to soft music, take a walk outside---even if it is just around the house. while outside take some nice long deep breaths..see yourself breathing in a nice white mist of pure health and wellness, and when you let out your breath see a dark mist of all your frustrations, stresses, and all negative thoughts coming out of you. Do this several times then take a deep breath and let it all out and feel totally relaxed. Stay outdoors and enjoy this relaxed feeling.

3.) get involved in some indoor activities, cooking, baking, arts & crafts, anything to get your mind distracted from the caregiving role.

4.) Is there something your always wanted to do and never got around to doing? Now is the time to do it. Personally, I always wanted to draw and paint but was always put down for it. So, last May/June when I visited a dear friend who is an artist she took me to an art store and we bought all my supplies. I took them home and put them away. Well, 2 weeks ago, with all the frustrations I was going through on top of the gall bladder surgery I had just had, I took out the canvass and paints and started in. hee hee hee took a long time but I am getting there.

5.) I am sure you can write a list of things to nurture yourself....these are just a few suggestions. Have fun with this new start to your life.

Love & Peace
Joan C

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