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My husband and I are currently living with my 83 year old Grandmother. Due to several different medical problems, we are both out of work at this time. My Granny enjoys us living here with her because she has been very lonely since my Grandad died and since we're not able to work right now, she doesn't mind taking care of us and we take care of her. The problem is my Aunt Cathy. She has been completely unsupportive of me in every thing that I have tried to do here. She doesn't even think that I should have my husband here with us. How can I deal with what I know is displaced anger on my Aunt's part over losing my Grandad, when she takes it out on me talks to me like I'm some kind of bum that came off of the street to live here. She has actually accused me of taking advantage of my Granny. Does anyone know of a book that I could get to help me cope with this?
Hello Lisa,

Welcome to the community.. I hope you will find the support and strength you are looking for.

It appears from what you have said that you and your hubby along with your grandmother are all fulfilling a need for one another and this is a blessing. As long as your grandmother is in agreement, this is what is most important and you have expressed that you are all happy together.

As for your aunt, there are many reasons she may be upset. She might be hurt and angered over the loss of her father...she may feel that you and your hubby are living off your grandmother's funds.. she may feel guilty that she cannot take care of her mother, herself...or she may feel excluded... there could be any number of reasons... and there is the truth that many cannot accept what is and graciously participate.

There are articles here at the site, journal exercises, and much more to support you during your time of need. Perhaps you might even try to attend some chats where others can offer support and feedback as well.

As for one particular book that I can recommend. My focus these last few years has been around books on caregiving and self empowerment. None come to mind in particular as to how to deal directly with a family member who is in disagreement with what you are doing. Most books touch on family and siblings and issues in a chapter or so, but none I can think of are written specifically on this subject. A wealth of books both on caring and self empowerment/self help are listed in the suggested reading area here at the site...you can always check further on the books listed by going to amazon.com or barnesandnoble.com to see if there is a brief description that tells you more about the books.

If you feel that this is something you need to work on yourself in terms of feeling better about who you are..check under the articles by Harvey Cohen and Alan Cohen in our experts area along with the journal exercises and articles in the caregiving articles areas..

I do hope this helps...and I do hope that you will continue to post and visit with us in the chats.

Richest blessings
Gail
Hi Lisa... ..and welcome...

I am glad you and your husband are happy in your caregiving roles.. ...Your grandmother has a special caring granddaughter...

As for your aunt...Gail is right...there are so many reasons that could be the cause of her resentment...It happens in a lot of families I am beginning to see..

My mother had such an experience caring for her mother years back after she had cancer surgery in one of our hospitals and was not ready to go home yet...My grandmother stayed with us for a couple of months...she had 3 other daughters here in the city at the time...One had nothing at all to do with any of it...One literally freaked any time my mom would ask her to come stay with their mother for a couple of hours so she could do errands or something...and the third, the youngest, graciously did everything she could to help my mom out...lol...Such a difference in sisters all in one family...

Don't let your aunt intimidate you in your role as caregiver..Be proud of yourself and hope she comes around and works her issues out...

Take care...
P.G.
I see that this is an old thread.......
I am a newbie to the board and this has been my situation. this is how I have made my peace with my family.

My Mom has been living with my husband and me for 3 years. I have 1 sister who lives just 20 min. away. she has been here maybe 6 times to visit Mom.

I have 2 brothers who also live 20 min. away. 1 brother does visit. he will stop in almost every week even if it's only for 10 or 15 min. The other brother has been here maybe 5 times.another brother that is in Va.

I planned a party this weekend for Mom's 80 th birthday. they all came but my sister.
they offer no support, never ask how I am doing, never say " go out we will sit with Mom" I get absolutely nothing from them. They hardly ever call to talk to Mom let alone check on her.

I have made up my mind that I really don't care. and when the time comes I am not going to call them right away. That will be my time with Mom. Why should I share her at the very end? They do not deserve that consideration.

They know that she is declining and that hospice is now coming more often....it is only a matter of time. Have they offered any help? NO!! My sister in law says" you will call us right"? I said nothing!!! If they can't at least pick up the phone once in awhile and check on her, then No, I am not calling!!!

That's the way I am going to deal with my family. and then when Mom is gone I won't ever have to deal with them again!!!
This question for some reason brought back the time my grandmother was here for stomach cancer surgery...many years ago..she was from a small town which didn't have hospital facilities for her type of surgery so was transported here...after her surgery my mom brought her home to care for her till she was strong enough to make the trip back home...
It was interesting watching the difference in my aunts, as to how they offered to help so my mom could have a few hours off once in a while...the youngest aunt, who had a family and a job popped in daily to just keep her mom and my mom company, do little chores, etc..and this was by bus as her husband was at work with the car too...she would also stay for the day too so my mom could get shopping and errands done...
The other aunt, whose husband could drive her where she wanted, made her obligatory visits a couple times a week but her many (hypochondriacal)illnesses would take effect right on cue if asked to help out...lol..

P.G.

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