The answer may be that I cannot; she needs to help herself. It is just extremely difficult for me to stand by and watch what is happening to her and her husband.
She has been caring for my mom for 6 1/2 months. Her husband was actually the one who encouraged her to take mom in when I could no longer care for her. They had cared for his father a few years back, for about a year before he died.
About a month ago, my BIL began to let it be known to my sister that the situation was really getting to him. He told her he was getting tired of having "strangers" in the house (he was referring to mom's aide). So, for the past month, it has been pretty stressful between my sister and BIL. I have been trying to talk to my sister to try and help her understand what my BIL is feeling -- she doesn't want to hear it. She maintains she does everything for my mom, when the aide is not there, so my BIL shouldn't have any complaints. Yesterday, he told her that he is at the end of his rope and added "why did you understand when your sister burned out, but you don't understand that I am?" Bottom line, my sister has no intentions of moving mom to a NH, at least until a time that my sister feels is right.
I have tried and tried to get her to seek counseling, but she maintains that he will NOT go, so she sees no sense in going. I have spent literally hours on the phone with her, trying to help her to understand what he's feeling, but she just can't. The bottom line is always she is not ready to move mom.
I am so concerned that this is going to end their marriage, and I don't know what I can do...maybe the answer is nothing. Does anyone have any suggestions? I have to tell you that my BIL is really a wonderful guy, he really is.
[This message has been edited by MIMI427 (edited 04-23-2006).]