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Subject: home health aides



Hi! I think some days that I have it so rough and then I read your messages! I have an 84 year old mother to care for. A home health aide comes in three days a week. This Is mostly a blessing. I get 2 hours off from the constant responsibility. BUT, the aide does not do all the things she has on her list. She spends most of her time sitting and talking to Ma. Am I just jealous? I get no time to sit and relax. The aide is being paid and I am doing her work most of the time. Some days I am just glad I get the two hours to go outside and walk around, other days it gets to me, like today.

So, I found this site. And now I am at least thankful that I am not the sole caregiver like I was.

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Subject: RE: home health aides



I am so happy to see you posted...Good for you in getting a health aid. To take charge and make sure that she does the things on her list. The next step is to take your power back. You are in charge. Review the items on the list with her and explain that these are her responsibilities. If she is unable to fufill them, explain that you will have to get someone else to replace her.

Your purpose in having an aid is to get the help you need in caring for your for your mother more effectively. This means freeing you up so that you can balance yourself to deal with everything when she is not there. Are you jealous? Could be....and it's ok to be. Why should you be doing the work, paying for an aid and not spending the quality time with your mom.

Mixed emotions aren't uncommon. While it is nice that she is able to speak with your mom in a relaxing environment. You can explain that she can talk on her own time....but the list must be completed...Hope this helps you. Please continue to come back and visit.

Blessings to you in all you are doing.

Hi! I ran away for a while but made it back!! We got a new aide because the
other one
burned out, that is why she wasn\'t doing her job she was getting ready to
quit. I did as you
suggested Gail and told the new one her duties and am having to keep after
her. I checked
on her yesterday and she was sitting in the kitchen watching my mother make
her lunch. I
gave her a task to do and off she went. Her first day was last Monday and
she checked
her care list the nurse leaves here for the aides--didn\'t do the dishes
and left the bathroom
with wet towels on the toilet and the bench in the tub like it was a
teenager used the room.
So, I mentioned this to the agency when they called to tell me they had no
one for the
coming holiday (the usual) and was told that I needed to train the girl. At
$22. an hour I
don\'t feel that I should be having to train her, but am doing my best. It
is just one more task
for an already burning out person, I fear.
Sandra <>
Hi Sandy
so glad you are back...was wondering what happened to you. Ah...the task of aid...unfortunatley it falls under your repsonsibility..and I
agree with the agency. Each employer has different needs, methods of doing
things etc. and you must take charge. Don't be upset with it...just go for
I don't know how many hours you have an aid in for...but $22/hr is rather
steep. I did that with my mom for a while...and finally we found an agency
in Brooklyn, which by the ways, sends their aids out all over the tri state
area. They live in for 24/7 for approximately $300./wk. The aids clean,
care for your mother, shop, prepare meals etc. If you want to know more about
this...just email me privately on this one....Hope you had a good holiday.
Keep up the good work...Blessings....
In a message dated 7/4/99 8:56:01 PM, writes:
Hi Gail,
I can't seem to access the message boards. I can go to everything else okay.

I finally got up my nerve and called a new health aide agency and they are going to contact me when they get back to their regular schedualing. Right now they are having to stretch their girls a little thin with it being vacation time.

I was hanging in there tolerating sloppy service to keep the nurse and now she is not doing HER job. She is supposed to have trained the aides and when she found out that one of them is not doing her work, she said it was not acceptable and would talk to her. The girl is still not doing her job and is also showing up late, and leaving early. The office just tells ME to speak to the girl.

In talking to another agency, the administrator told me the nurse is at fault. We are paying for a service and should be getting it with trained personnel. I kept your words at the back of my mind and they kept popping up from time to time, prodding me to DO something and put a stop to being taken advantage of.

Today I wanted to post my taking charge of my life and can't get on. What a bummer.

sorry....had to switch web hosts and the old message boards were terrible so they are being re designed and should be up by the end of the week...i am saving some postings so that they don't get lost. It is a terrible
inconveninience but i had no control over what happened.

As i believe i mentioned once before there is an agency in brooklyn that sends lovely capable women out for $325 per week...that is they live in 24/ is really great if it is something you can afford...let me know.

Please be patient...all this happened while last week I put my kitty down after 16 years and 5 months of solid caregiving to him as well...hope all is going well...speak with you soon.

Hi. I was having a problem with my Dad's aide. She came for 4 days and never came back. Didn't have an aid for 3 days. The problem is Hospice just gives me the runaround.

I had people tell me that hospice was
wonderful and I believed them. However, it was theirs, not ours that were.

Although we do have a wonderful aide now. He is almost a certified nurse so he does more than average for dad. But he doesn't do dishes or laundry apparently. But as long as he is with Dad I can breath and I don't worry about the other.

Now I just have to learn to take advantage of those 2 hours and get me and my
son out!!

Yes, Carol that is a quandry sometimes, what to do with the free time while the aide is
here. And getting one that does their job. They are supposed to be trained before they
come out by the agency but then we get the goof offs at times who think no one is there to supervise them.

I am not able to get my 'free' time completely for myself right now as I
am caring for my grand daugthers through their summer vacation on the days the aide is
here. I might get my Fri. time back next week.

I was not using the time to full advantage
and don't do that to yourself!! I am now looking forward to the fall and will plan my 1 1/2 - 2 hours to the max then. It has been a case of you don't know what you've got till you lose it with me.
I will be thinking of you in your loss. 16 years of love and comfort is a long time. I can feel your pain through the air. I will be sure say a prayer to the Universe for you to heal quickly.

As the Universe provides, maybe a new love will wander into your life to comfort you.

By the way, a firm believer of the Universe providing, I was trying to do without an air conditioner and along came my brother Ted with one. It didn't do the whole living room and kitchen combined, and along came my
daugther with one we had given her and she put it in the living room window and the two small ones are together doing the job.

Thanks for the tip on Brooklyn agency. We are here in Conn. and I presume the Brooklyn you are talking about is in New York. I am in a most rural area and the prices are at a premium for us here. Even the new agency is getting $21. an hour. Conn. living is expensive. High taxes, high rents and high grocery prices compared to other states.

With thoughts of you,

Hello. This is to update my progress in
adapting to the Home Health Aides. I went to
another company that was just Companions and
Homemakers for 5 months. This new aide seemed
to be all I wanted her to be, but was too slack in her duties too. She used a new tactic: she was afraid to be alone with my mother! She needed me here in case my mother fell on the stairs, she said. So I ended up taking Ma up the stairs and waiting until the shower was done and bringing her back down again!! Little fool was I!!! Then one day, the aide tried to tell me Ma shouldn't have a shower because she had a cold. I disagreed, so the aide took the next week off! When the company asked if I wanted a substitute, I said, yes, and while you are at it, can you replace the aide altogether!! They said yes, but couldn't find one. So, I called a new agency, closer to us and they were able to fit us in. They are small, local and we will have a nurse once a month again. I was shaky not having one to rely on for the many questions that seem to come up too small for a doctors visit. They are sending us two aides, so now maybe they won't be burned out so fast. these aides are older and very experienced. Then comes the old problem of where do I go, what do I do while they are here??? I call it the 'bird in the gilded cage syndrome', once I have my freedom, how do I use it. Right now, there is a travel problem, with the cold and snow, but I am surely trying to find an outside interest. That is the key to staying sane in this caregiving thing, getting out of the house as often as one can!!! I have learned that much.
Hi Sandy,

It can be a chore and it is definitely a test at times to find the right aid for your mom. So many go through this and get defeated. Your strength and endurance has persisted and you are getting your needs met as well as your mom's.

Free time, take a train into the big apple and spend some time with me...I know that ideas as to what you can do with your free time will begin to materialize as have all your other answers to your questions. (Giggling) i feel as if old friends have been reuinited....Have a great day!

Love & Light

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