I just found this wonderful place and need to share tonight. I am the sole care giver for my almost 90 year old mother who has dementia among several other illnesses. I moved back to my home town a few years ago and was taking care of her while working but it became too much for me to do on my own. Even though she was living with a sibling he didn't take care of her physical needs. About 2 years ago, as it happened we(I) had to make the decisions to place her in a frailcility, as one posting called it. I would not have been able to make that choice had it not been for the circumstances that pointed in that direction. I had become exhausted and overwhelmed at that point. In the last 4-5 months her dementia has worsened and she is having delusions but thank goodness she still remembers me and my sibling. I don't have a large extended family so I am usually the only one who visits her regularly. What happened tonight is that when I went to visit she thought I was there to pick her up and take her home and that my sibling was coming to visit. After trying to explain to her a few times that she lived there and no one would be visiting that late, she became agitated and angry with me. I do realize that it's the illness that causes her reactions but it's hard to accept that my once energetic and loving mother has this other "side" that comes out. I enlisted an aide to try to divert her to another subject and she did calm down. The first time this sort of thing happened I was so upset and felt lost like she had really died. I just have a hard time being around her when she gets in these states and it's not predictable what she'll be like when I visit.
Thanks for listening and most of all understanding.