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I have been having an issue with friends lately. I don't seem to know who they are anymore. People that I have went to bible classes and small groups for the last 7 or 8 years don't ever seem to be there for me, even tho I have been there for them when they were going through things. I just don't understand, I never call to whine or anything, but if I really, really need something they can't seem to make time. Am I the only one, or does this happen to others?

I do find that people that you really don't know that much are there to help you tho. The man that cuts my grass is from my church and he always asks if I need anything and for Thanksgiving him and his wife brought me a turkey and all the fixings, I thought that was so nice and sweet of him.
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Hi!

I'm sorry to hear about your problem with friends. Trust me, you're not the only one.

I am a young caregiver so NONE of my "friends" understand nor do they care to, about what I do. They are off graduating college and I'm making sure MIL doesn't toast the house or flood the bathroom LOL!

The Bible says a friend loves at all times, and that's the truth! I do say, many of the people on this forum are my friends because I can come here and just blurt out loud what's on my mind and it's cool, everyone isn't up in arms about it .

People are afraid of what they don't understand, so they stay away from it. MIL has about 5 friends left from about 30+ friends she had 4 years ago. No one understands why she blurts out weird things or can't remember that you even visited some weeks ago. It saddens me because MIL knows they are disappearing for a reason, but she can't figure it out.

You can find friends in some of the weirdest places! I wish there were more people like the man who cuts your lawn, he is a good decent hearted Christian!

I hope things look up for you!

Kat
Kat, thank you for responding. I am sorry to hear that you are a caregiver at such a young age.

My feelings on caregiving, is don't forget to take care of the caregiver. Please make sure that you find time to do the things you love, because if you don't, you don't relize that you haven't done this or that and then you don't make time for it because you haven't done anything for you in a while.
Dear Donna: Just to let you know I agree a "real" friend will stick by you through the good and the bad. I'm 59 now, and I realize I have two really close friends, and it's amazing at the people I don't know who stick by me. And, in church ---- we all have our faith --- it isn't just about showing up and Sundays an living the rest of the week any way we want. Sadly, many of us who love the fellowship at the church are not where we need to be in life. Hang in there ---- you've got a lot to deal with, and the Bible also says not to be afraid--- hard to do ----- yes ---- I too have cancer in my family - lost my sister with breast cancer --- have had multiple lumps taken out of my breast ---- and have been lucky. Please know you are in my prayers, and a "real" friend will follow through, and sometimes people stay away from those with problems as it is so scary to them and they are afraid to get too close for their own feelings of becoming ill. Some think if they don't talk about it, it won't happen, and so they do life and when a crisis comes, reality hits them harder than those who accept reality ---- always a touch "go" nevertheless. Keep looking UP!!!! Vickie
Vickie, yes I have to keep looking up. Just makes me sad to think you think you can rely on someone but they aren't there, but then someone else will come along. The one friend that really hurt my feelings, when I look back I don't think she was a friend at all because when I look back in almost everything she would do for someone she would always tell the admin assistant at chuch. I guess she needed to hear what a wonderful job she was doing. You live and learn.

I am so sorry to hear about your sister. My sister died when she was 26 from the doctors screwing up. Keep getting the mammograms.
Donna: Looks like you're getting stronger day by day. I have to had to "let go" of friends who just weren't real -- you will find in time - you will survive anyway as you look back and see they weren't there for you. I can see since you have gotten on this message board how quickly you have become more of "you"! Although I had been working on me in many ways through various groups and helping others --- this board had equally pulled me up to more than I can explain. Judy Yohn was one of the best examples I had in the beginning ---- it was her get up and go. Yet I have so many women especially in my life that walked with me through all the pain, and were there for the good and bad. When they are real ---- you'll know it. You're very special, and don't we have a bright year "2007" to work on us and we know we can make it no matter what! God Bless You! Love & Prayers... Vickie
PS: Gail's post on the "positive" - which I've been getting hold of everything I can read or listen to reinforced that this works more than anything. We do it in love and we just keep doing it in love! And, we learn to love ourselves as we are all a child of God.
Good morning Vickie, Thank you for your words of encouragement. I am feeling better today and have been doing a lot of thinking. I think I was picking the wrong people because I didn't feel that I deserved good people in my life. It is funny when you step back and look you can see different things. I do have a few good friends, but alot of them were needy, because I didn't want to seem needy if that makes sense. When you get burnt out on needy people they move on because you aren't doing for them.

Gail's post of postitive thinking really made me stop and think, because I haven't been doing that in a long time. When I did my life was so much more joyful because I didn't worry about things.

Thank you so much for the encouragement. My prayer for you is to have a happy, healthy and prosperous new year.

God Bless
Donna
Yes Donna - I too have had issues with "friends".Some have kept in touch with me, but only sporadically.Fortunately I have a close relationship wih my sister andwe do things together.I found that one problem was, many of my women friends,like myself, are single or divorced in their late 40's or 50's, and desperate to find a man - I am not able to take part in this, as I am not free to have a relationship.Thy only wanted to go to singles functions, whereas I would prefer to do something like bushwalking, movies etc - just nice outings.So I am not called anymore by many of them.
As my sister says, well - to hell with them - they'll get boils on their bums!!
I can really understand how many of you have lost friends, etc. I too have gone through the same thing. At this point at age 54, I have basically 2 sincere friends who live locally, and my very best friend who lives almost 4 hours away.

When I was on my last job (that I lost), my depression and my fibromyalgia, plus all my other aches and pains were at their all time worst when I left that job. I was at such a loss with no one to turn to there because basically, no one gave a you-know-what! Depression and fibromyalga are both invisible diseases, so they thought since I looked fine, that I was fine. How very wrong they are!

I am choosy with who are my friends anyway. I will not accept a shallow, self-centered woman be my friend. I won't tolerate it. For about 5 years my husband and I became very involved with high school marching band because both my children were part of it. I was so friendly with many other parents. I also was friendly with many other women through my children's friends. Well when they were both out of high school, there went by "supposed" friends and it hurt me deeply. Everyone is just out to use the next one, to see if you can carpool with them, or watch their kids, blah, blah, blah.

I was so naiive to think these women were actually friends of mine. What a joke! It is really their loss not mine.

The truth is that when many people turn away from you, you never know who will appear to help you. My daughter is 24 and is living with her boyfriend for over 2 1/2 years now. He is 32 and very mature and caring. He is doing something so very kind for my husband and me. He is going out on a limb to help us, and is willing to help us rather than add an addition to his home right now. We spoke on the phone recently for over an hour, and discussed some personal matters. He told me that he would marry my daughter, but just not yet because he wants certain things accomplished prior to that! He never mentioned the "marriage" word to me at all before. He even told me that he loves me, and that he knows that we would help him out in the same kind of situation!

He even invited my husband and I over his friend's house to celebrate New Years Eve together. For someone to sacrifice something in his own life, to help someone else at a time of need, is something I never expected. I've liked him since Day 1, and my gut feeling was right about him.

Thank goodness for the unexpected people in our lives who appear just like angels in our lives. I will never in my life forget what he will do for my husband and me. It is more generous than what "real" relative would do for me. I am still amazed!!

I, too, try to keep positive each day. Sometimes I get so down in the dumps, but the next day I only think positive thoughts.

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