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Oh Dear Glenda, I am so so sorry about you Dads passing. Yes, life is going to be very differant for you in the future and emptiness and crying are a big part of it. You were a very caring and loving daughter to your Dad. But remember, now he is heaven,his body is healed and he is dancing with the angels with no pain. And far far in the future when your time comes, he will be standing at those pearly gates with his arms outstretched saying "welcome home my Dear Daughter'. Know you are in my thoughts and prayers. Oh, one more thing, after the funeral, please sit down with a nice cup of hot chocolate and relax and thing of all the wonderful times you and you Dad had. Peace my friend....

I am glad we spoke... my thoughts are with you and your family... may both your own healing and dad's transition continue to be gentle and nurturing..

You were so fully present for him.. arranging for massages for him until the last minute.. he died as we spoke about.. he died a "good death" in the way that he wanted... on his own terms that you saw through to him until the end..

you have healed so much with him... and in your own time, you will be reclaiming your own life.. we all support you in keep your power wi8th your sister..

blessings to you all angel...

Angel Glenda,

I'm sorry to read of your dad's passing. You certainly made his journey a safe and happy one. As difficult as it has been for you, there is a sense of peace that comes with knowing you were there for him and gave him the greatest gift we can give to a loving parent.

My thoughts are with you, Glenda. You have been an inspiration to me and I thank you.

Hoping this time is proving to be gentle and nurturing for yourself Glenda... I know you have come back here sharing and supporting others, not saying much about what you are going through... I hope it isn't because of your sister... please keep us all posted... you are in our thoughts and prayers...

Hi Gail and All:

It has been hard and I have been trying to get out a bit. The house feels so empty without Dad and it makes me so sad. So, I went to the Goodwill yesterday and bought myself a new pair of pajamas - that helped a little bit... I think I should go there again and get a couple more pairs some day in the future and maybe some old flannel work shirts for the fun of it. The prices are in my budget anyway for now.

I made one change in the furniture and brought my drawing board out into the living room. Perhaps I can find some work from my old boss that I can do at home in my spare time. The board is certainly in a great location to work with plenty of light...

Lately, part of my problem in posting is that my laptop is freezing up on me for some reason. So, if I rush through the answer instead of putting my posting aside for a few minutes helps. The mouse seems to freeze up when the laptop is idle for a while. Then I have to shut the whole thing down and hope not to lose everything (but I usually do)... Ah well, such is life.

It will be two weeks tomorrow that dear Dad has been gone. It doesn't seem that long at all. I still miss him so badly...

Love and Hugs from Glenda

[This message has been edited by glenderella (edited 11-30-2006).]
My heart aches for you and as I watch my own Dad and the struggles we have, please know you were such an inspiration to me to know we "can" do whatever God puts in front of us. You did it all "right". Time --- goes by, and you will see "you" did it right!
Love & Prayers ..........God is with you.
Glenda: FYI: My husband had problems with his laptop freezing up and he took the battery out for a while, and put it back in and it came up again. Just felt you might need your computer. I so am into what you have done, and I pray my Dad will have the peace your's did. You did it all "right"!
Oh, Glenda, I have 'been off the boards' here of late, just 'tending to the necessary' and I truly feared that I had 'missed something.' Am so sorry to hear of the loss of your beloved dad. You are so in my thoughts and prayers.

Cherish your memories, and know that you did the very best possible for your dad.

Love and hugs
Nanc ;-)
Hi Nance ;-)

Thank you for your response. We have missed you and am so glad to hear from you again. Yes, it has been hard losing my dear Dad. I miss him so...

I am trying to get motivated to get out and about again because the house seems so empty without him. The last two months of his life, he was totally bedridden and I know it was very hard on him. In my heart I know he is in a better place now. So, I will pick up the pieces of my heart and cherish the memories of what a good man he was. I was so blessed to have him as my father!

Love and Hugs from Glenda
Glenda......sending hugs your way.

I will tell you as you have told countless others as well as me......give yourself time, go ahead and cry, I know how empty the house feels and how alone you must feel.
Take time for yourself, allow yourself to grieve.

I am here for you if you need to talk.
God Bless
Hi Patty:

Thank you for the hugs. Your support is invaluable to us all... I have been shedding tears on a daily basis.

The hardest part is trying to redirect my wee amount of energy. The house has to be cleaned out and all the "stuff" auctioned off I guess. Dad was a great collector...

In the meantime, I need to worry about finances which means grabbing some sort of job... Luckily, I can probably get a job at DeVry for next to minimum wage. I will graduate in February so, maybe then, I can get a decent-paying job. I am glad that I went back to school but this is such an unnerving time of my life.

Well, enough of my insecurities. I know I should embrace opportunity but I would rather put my head in the sand for a while... Thank you, Patty, for letting me air my fears. It helps!

Love and Hugs from Glenda
Glenda: Just to let you know I see you feel you need to "clean out the memories" -- You know, there is no rush! I did my sister's (4 bags of pictures - she was married 4 times, so imagine how careful I had to be as her 4 boys all had different Dads). Lots of humor there, then I did my Mom's, then I did my Mother and Father-in-laws. You know, I did this other people who wanted it done. I was so numb, I don't know what I was doing. I bet a "job" to have a reason to get up and go might help you better for now than cleaning out the memories. You have lived in the memories --- so you may decide later you want the there! Just a thought! All is so fresh for you ----- yet, sometimes with cancer and hospice --- you have done the grieving way before they have passed. Thinking of your brokeness for now. And, the holidays don't help! You know, maybe a memorial in your home or yard or something to help you through. I did red-birds for my Mom, and early on --- red birds came to my yard so often. You have to "feel" this grief, and it is so fresh! Getting the energy and "desire" to get out so early on is not easy ---- somehow I hope you can find a way! Being alone in all this can't be easy either. I assume you are, but you're never alone ---- there is a higher power that's got his arms outstretched to give you all the love you need. Cry for now! Love & prayers ........ Vickie
Hi Vickie:

It is hard right now but I have three siblings that want the house cleaned out. In some ways there is no point in prolonging the cleanup because then I have to deal with them for a longer period of time...

The hard part is the house is full of fifty years of memories and many collections... Right now the siblings are willing to help and, if I put them off, then I will probably have to deal with it all myself. It is soooo overwhelming.

Ah well, this is the part that I have dreaded. The time has come... I hope a good night;s rest will make it easier - lol!

You are so right in what you say. Thank you so much for your input. Luckily my brother is only available tomorrow and then I won't see him till likely after Christmas. That will help I think...

Hugs from Glenda
With your siblings coming to your side -- maybe this is the time God has planned for you to come together --- maybe the memories will give you the love from them that you so need. Maybe it will be the best memory of all! God Bless You, and I just read where Starlight lost her Mom! She'll need you too! Helping others gives those of us with our hearts connected a reason to "try" even harder to conquer this pain, an find the peace we long for. God Bless You, Glenda --- and in a lot of ways - I'm glad your siblings have offered this ---- somehow it will do something better for you --- I feel it in my heart! You need them now --- and you may find --- they need you even more! God Bless You!
Glenda: Maybe you just need to pray for strength to tell your siblings about the emotional impact this has had on you! And, the drain you are in now --- doesn't seem right to push you - should be your terms - I'm praying for your strength and healing.
Love & Prayers ...... Vickie
Hi Vickie:

I don't have much faith about my siblings really coming to my side. Their main goal is to take what they want and then hire an auctioneer to clean out the house to get their money out of it.

I do not begrudge them their portion of dear Dad's belongings. It is just hard to watch them try to be nice to my face and then piss and moan about me all day long behind my back.

The auction and them grabbing stuff has thrown my environment into complete chaos. So, I walk around baffled about where anything might be when I need it any more. I am so exhausted and a lot of it is emotional...

In all fairness, I want this done asap so I can get back to an even keel again. Then I will go back to having no family which is a comfort, strantely enough, after all....

Love and Hugs from Glenda
Hi Glenda: Seems you are where I want to be when my Dad has gone to be with my Mom. I have already told myself that with the years I have left that once all the probate stuff and selling of the home was done that my life would be with my spouse and I would seek to get my own life organized and hopefully find the retirement place for me in the event I survive my spouse. My family just does more and more hurtful things as well, and I watch my Dad in pain. Tomorrow is his oldest sons birthday, and Dad has sent cards for 4 yrs. and no response from him. Dad said he decided to just quit. I don't blame him ---- that old Southern Baptist in me that says to do the right thing no matter what others do - to return good for evil really can knock you for a loop, but you're so right --- you and I too deserve not to deal with their pain that they too will have to deal with --- it will come out one way or another. Not that I want to see my family hurt - but I don't to the life of me see how anyone could treat anyone as if they are of no value at all! I will be happy for you when you have it all behind you. You'll get through this --- so will I!!! Money and "things" !!!! Heart????
God knows what is best, and we are all his chilren --- so your comfort and your new "norm" is soon to come! God Bless You!
Love & Prayers ........ Vickie
Hi Glenda: Thought of you often today as it is my oldest brother's birthday, and I laid my Dad out 2 cards to chose to send him one. Last nite - Dad said he didn't want to send him a card anymore as he has sent so many with no response. I told Dad that's fine, and it is ok. Dad sometimes talks when I don't expect anything at all. Went to neuro again yesterday, and he was so frail looking and losing so much weight. I got him some new pants and belt today. His hands will not allow him to use them and he did a major project with a hammer and a nail to put another hole in the belt. He just keeps trying to be what he used to be. Glenda, I know this time of the year has to be the most difficult time to lose your Dad ---- and I just hope in some way your siblings come to terms that you are in so much pain now. I pray their hearts are changed to see all this. God Bless You .... Vickie
Hi Vickie:

I can so relate to your story about your Dad and the belt. It is so hard to watch them struggle with the everyday tasks. Your caring for your Dad is such a blessing for him. Your support here is invaluable. Thank you so much for your responses.

I wish I could have more faith that my siblings will someday realize their part in the family dysfunction. But, I am not so sure that they will acknowledge it. My mother is actually the "architect"! Meanwhile I will pray for grace and understanding...

Love and Hugs from Glenda
Glenda, I have been gone for a while and was afraid I had missed some things. I'm so sorry for your loss. I've never known my father so I can't imagine the loss. I do know what it is to have a loss at X-mas as my husband died Dec. 6, 2004. It makes my X-mas very hard. As you always tell us, be gentle with yourself. You obviously were a wonderful daughter and I'm sure your father is smiling down on you now! God Bless Your Beautiful Heart, Jane
Hi Jane:

You are an angel! I am sorry for the loss of your DH in 2004. I can imagine how hard the holidays are for you still.

I will try to be gentle with myself. I am dreading the next month or so as the house is stripped of everything that he had "collected". He had so many interests and I just ramble around some days not knowing what to do with myself. Thank you for your caring support Jane...

Love and Hugs from Glenda

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