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Wondering how you have been doing... my thoughts and prayers are with you... sending lots of loving energies in your direction... please keep us posted...

Sometimes we need to really scrape bottom before we are able to move forward... I know you have suffered and been challenged and stretched in so many directions but a bigger picture will be revealed in the right time.

richest blessings
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Hi Gail, Hi Vic, and others here, well to all. Sorry I been so incommunicado lately, but must be ESP, or something cause for some reason I went to check this morning and found yur posts. How wonderful, what a terrific feeling to know that others think of you here even when you been away. That really warmed my heart.

On the one hand I feel I really don't have anything to complain about what with and compared to all you kind souls are dealing with on a daily basis. Then again, I feel so darn cursed at times, I ask myself a lot, am I a bad person, an unkind person, inconsiderate, or even evil? It's not that I can't do anything right, but that I so often say the wrong things or don't say them where they are interpretated correctly. I seem to piss others off at the most critical times. Yes, I got a rough edge, when you been a barmaid as long as I have it comes with the territory, and serving people is like the acting profession in a way, your face says one thing while mumbling things under your breath as you're walking away from them.

I can deal with bad luck from time to time, but not attacks on my very character. I always have felt my intentions and heart have been in the right place and yet somehow I can get accused of selfishness just because I want some alone time. I feel like a waitress on call all the time, 24 hours a day even when I am not on the clock! How tiring and after a while you start dropping the plates down on the tables and spilling glasses of water and coffee over the patrons, if only verbally.

Ok, here's what is going on in my life. My kids are doing fine, thank God. I make everything into a joke for them, yes, the bad stuff too, and that is the main thing with them, they can put up with everything as long as you show them a humorous attitude, the humor lets them know we will get through this. My new tactic seems to be working. We can always laugh if nothing else and it's fun to laugh with one's children.

Job wise, two part times now, one waitressing, and the other part time one is working a cash register in a small magazine store during morning hours, zzzzzzzzzzz and brrrrrrrrrrr. Gives me a chance to browse through magazines myself at the counter. It gets hectic at times, adolescnets trying to sneak back to where the dirty magazines are, so have to keep an eye on that, but basically get a lot of browsers leaving behind dog-eared magazines, but thankfully most are in plastic wrap with one open for browsing, though you would be surprised how many patrons tear the plastic off too, but still from what I observe, a lucrative business. So one job is laid back most the time, and the other one pretty hectic as any waitress will tell you. I don't plan to make a career of either one, and I swear most people are really nice, but it just takes one #$@ hole to ruin my day and usually there is always one per-day, but it's nice to be working in the public arena again.

Next on my to do list, find housing, go from these jobs to a career and that means some education or training, and also I feel a spiritual void, but I don't know how to fill it. I would like to think trying to be a good parent is my way of serving God. Being with my children is my church, that is where life feels the most holy and sacred.

I think I know what you mean Gail about having to hit bottom before you can rise. I think I must be made out of rubber cause it was only when I hit bottom that I seemed to be able to bounce back up though I am still far from the surface.

I sure like reading here, so much caring and support and acceptance. I don't really have a rant, cause right now I am so darn grateful to be working again. I am like a fish out of water when I am out of a job.

I do have other fears like getting involved with someone again. However; I hope this doesn't sound strange, but I feel married to my kids, at least for the foreseeable future. I was a compulsive gambler when it came to men and well you know a women always seems to have the odds stacked against her and with my precious kids with me I don't feel like gambling no more, but I will still keep my eyes open in case I see a diamond flashing in the pile of masculine coal. Of course, I do miss the warmth that coal can bring on cold lonely nights, but it also can get you awfully dirty handling it and I don't want that to rub off on my angel children.

I guess that it is for now. My trials aren't like what you gals got to go through, and I guess it's all down the road for all of us sooner or later and I am glad to be learning about it ahead of time for when I get there with my folks, though I know I am that now with a specially challenged child that will probably be able to leave the nest but maybe not too far from the tree.

Know you are all so precious, so special, and I guess it takes irritation for an osyster to make a pearl, and you are all a string of pearls to me and thank you so much for keeping me in mind and heart. I know this is a cliche, but I don't mean it as one, but you are all in my prayers.

FallenAngel but still an angel I hope.
Hey Girl: Beating up FallenAngel ---- all of us can see the person you really are. You've had some bad blows and right now all you can still see are bad blows! We all do it, and when a better job comes along ---- go for it! Don't think it won't happen --- it will! You know, when the man is right ---he'll show up, and for me - aftr losing all, including my home,marriage, security - and health I came back to rather like who I am now, and once I changed - my spouse of 37 yrs. changed ---- it took work, and trust an love came back better than ever. Lost respect for most men (don't like whimps and whiners). Strange thing is all my family said I needed to change and stop letting people walk all over me --- well, I did and became very independent in spite of still being married - now, my family doesn't like me that I changed!!!! So, I just made a new years resolution ----- leave them alone. Already I'm experiencing their guilt feelings wanting back in my life ---- and I will forgive and hug ----- but only if I see my life is not on their terms. Had a great service in church today to start the New Year off right ---- the congregation all wrote down names of people we wanted to forgive and then at the end the entire congregation (rather large) went up front and shredded the piece of paper as to say --- all if forgiven and now leave it in God's hands. A good way to start 2007! You stop beating yourself up --- girl ----- you're gonna make it ---- and you're right lots of folks say they will pray for you and my friends tell me I call you to pray for me because I know when you say it you will do it. Good to hear from you ----- and these people on this board come the heart! Yours is as big as God has given you. God Bless You!!!!!!!!!! Love & Prayers ..... Vickie

PS: A good movie "Pursuit of Happiness" -
will lift you up more than you can ever imagine ---- this guy and his son went to the lowest - and all the way back up to the top! Will get your tears flowing!!!!

[This message has been edited by Vick (edited 12-31-2006).]
Hello FallenAngel,

Most people forget about the laws of attraction. We are conditioned by our parents, society, our religions, teachers, govt, friends to be a certain way ... and guess what? It doesn't work.

Wherever, we put the power of our intention with our thoughts, we manifest in our life. So, the old habitual "stinkin thinkin" is like a alcohol or drug addiction.. it is one that can be broken but we must work on it very consciously to have a thought patterns shift with positive vibrations.

We are all energy. Scientists have now proven that our thoughts, visualition can influence our health and well being. The challenge is that we have not been shown how to make these changes. Many a time, we want others to do it for us, but there is no one that can do it but ourselves.

You share about what you don't want.. the universe doesn't understand don't.. it only understands the gist of what you say. This one is for all of us even though I am using an example from you , FA.

When you say: I can deal with bad luck from time to time, but not attacks on my very character. I always have felt my intentions and heart have been in the right place and yet somehow I can get accused of selfishness just because I want some alone time. . You get to deal with bad luck from time to time.. and you can't deal with the attacks on your character that you set yourself up to receive by reinforcing this picture.

Can you re write this in a way that asks for what you want rather than what you don't want, as if you already have it and feel it in your heart? Because there is no good or bad luck.. there is only what we focus our thoughts on that manifests in our life.

For instance, I am now creating and attracting new people and new experiences into my life that support my healing and growth. You have been doing this as you are here at the site and we are all supporting you in this way.

You wrote: Next on my to do list, find housing, go from these jobs to a career and that means some education or training, and also I feel a spiritual void, but I don't know how to fill it. I would like to think trying to be a good parent is my way of serving God. Being with my children is my church, that is where life feels the most holy and sacred.

Finding housing is very vague. Can you describe what it is in detail that you would like to live in? Don't talk yourself out of it by saying you don't have enough money. Sit down and actually write the type of place you want to live in.. how will it look on the outside and inside? Do you want darkness or sunshine coming in? Do you want a bathtub that you can sink into with aromatherapy and relax. Do you want a garden? What down what you would love and hold this vision.

And here alone at the site is a wealth of spiritual support in our expert columnists and in the inspiration areas of the site that can fill you with love, peace and happiness. As a matter of fact, having a computer is a life force for so many.. you can go to thousands of sites that can spiritually uplift and fill you whenever you get caught up in the things that you don't want.

Please understand... what I am pointing out here is for all of us FallenAngel. You know everything I am saying. I am not telling you anything you don't already know. I am just awakening it again and speaking to your soul.

We must listen more to our inner voice. Not to the chatter and idle talk that goes on daily. We have over 60,000 thoughts a day that run through our minds, so scientists say... what percentage are negative and what percentage are positive.. they all go out into the universe but most importantly we need to remember that they go into our cells, organs, etc and create stress and dis-ease or lack of ease for us... and we must always remember that in any given moment we always have choices about how we are going to feel. Do you want to experience peace and love or do you want to experience fear?

I know this will help many out here including myself...

Today is the first day of the New Year.. Take some time to ponder these thoughts.. and make some choices to create 2007 filled with new experiences that bring you more joy, more love, more peace, more abundance in health, wealth and in all areas you dare to dream.

Exactly ----- Gail: Oh How Inspiring!!!
You know, I was told over and over I was too giving, too loving, to forgiving, too sweet, too this and too that by people that love me, and I needed to change. I heard from everyone I loved what all was wrong with me, and never did I once hear what is wrong with them - Nobody changed but me ---- now I have been told I'm too independent, think I'm better than everyone else, selfish, hypocrite Christian (I don't do life on their terms - I choose my own ----- So with lots of counseling, lots of life experiences, reading, fellowship, networking, and whatever it took for me to grow ---- I realize ------- I like "ME" now and and I love "ME" now, and I can survive even if you don't want to be a part of "ME"!!!!! Look at what I have accomplished!!!! GO GIRL!!!! It took a long process, but I see all the steps of being "positive" and never quitting ---- I see a bright 2007!!!!! Love you guys! Vickie

And, everytime I go so low --- somehow I have pulled up again!!!!!! God's in it!
Happy New Year Gail and thanks for taking the time to write such
an awakening positive affirmative message! What a gift to receive
on the first day of the new year. I have already put your words
into practice and have been writing down my goals and what I want
to manifest in my life.

I do want to believe that my thoughts and dreams can create my
reality, that not only are we what we eat but what we think to.
I do want to be positive instead of negative, and instill that
outlook in my children, which leads to optimism instead of
pessimism. I think that is what I like working with the public
in service type of jobs in that you are sort of forced to be
cheery and upbeat. You have to greet like old buddies, and many
of my patrons I was glad to see and genuinely did like them.
Actually it was mostly management I had trouble dealing with.

It is true, so true, that I dwell on more what I don't want then
on what I do want which is to provide a safe, warm, secure and
loving learning environment for my children first and foremost.
If I don't do that than nothing else I do will make any sense. I
am pretty sure I have my priorities right on this one. I guess
the next one is obvious and that is I want to do my best to stay
healthy for myself and for them, and not just physically, but
psychologically, emotionally and spiritually.

As far as housing goes, that is a big priority. I guess the obvious
and what would apply to most people in my situation is to live
in a safe neighborhood with friendly and helpful neighbors,
a house without other tenants like roaches
and rats, with good plumbing, especially the toilet working good,
have had to use the plunger too much in my life, a house that
has been well maintained and all that entails, with a front yard
and back yard, the front yard having a white picket fence with
a nice looking tree in the yard with branches that one can put
a tire swing on and a back yard a place to grow a little garden,
and another tree there as well to maybe hang a clothes line on
from the house, love the fragrance of sun dried just washed clothes.
Also a house that can has windows to open to sunshine but also
places of cool shade and to be close to schools, shopping, jobs of
course, library to take the kids, playground or park, fire station
and a community college to be about to take classes
and generally a place that is urban but with a touch of the rural.

I guess I am making a grocery list here for the positive things
I want, but you got me thinking along these lines now. I have
to add that I value true friends immensely and want to nuture
the few friends I have and make some new ones. Also want to
get closer to my folks and gain their approval and respect. They
don't always think I set a good example and live up to my
true potential but they do admire that I get out there and work
though they haven't always respected the jobs I have had, either
the riff raff I had to work around and I would always hear
the comment, can't you work in a place that we would be proud
to be seen in with you. Hey, I tell them, my jobs are just
my paychecks, not who I am. Seems to me that most folks criticize
lawyers and politicians as sleazy dirtbag crooks, but I bet you
my folks would be proud if I was in those professions. To me, I
got the most nobel profession there is and that is of being a
parent, and a single one to boot, and yes I do want my kids to
be proud of what I do and I am working at that, and I do want to
have a few diplomas on the wall which is another one of my goals.
I wish people would understand that life is a journey, but they're
always judging you where you're at and not where you're heading. I
got plans, just need some security and money coming in to get there.

As for the spiritual stuff Gail, well, I don't practice any religion
but I don't think that is what you are talking about, but I do pray
to God and respect all life, except for cockroaches and flies, boy, do
I hate those critters, what pests, and ants too, but I don't go out
looking for them to kill, only when they decide to homestead in my
kitchen and bathroom. After reading your wonderful posting Gail, I
am going to watch what I think. Boy, 60,000 thoughts a day. That's
quite a lot. I think of my children a lot and what I want for them,
their wants and needs, fun things to do together, what I can bring
home for them, what activities I can maybe interest them in, what
they're up to, stuff like that, and also think what my wants and
needs are as well, and asking myself do they conflict with my
children's wants and needs, and dreams, dreams of taking my kids
to beautiful places, traveling, and also what things I want to learn
and how much to achieve that. I want a simple but meaningful life
and definitely want people in my life. Don't like being alone.
Talking to other people stimulates me and gets my thinking juices
flowing. Gives me ideas.

I am getting more and more into being online. It is very time consuming
but a lot of information to access. I haven't checked out any spiritual
sites, but will acess what is available at the Caregiver site, so thanks
for letting me know it's there. I find recipes online, check out medical
stuff, just beginning to explore educational opportunities online, email
some friends, also on ways to stay healthy, it's a big world out there
online and I need my sleep! Also use the computer for educational stuff
for my children, and am seeing what's available for them online, but
I will always be over their shoulders when they are online. I know I would
be so much further along in my life if I hadn't made some bad choices in
my life, or unwise choices. I made the mistake of letting my heart do
the thinking instead of my brains. Found out how blind the heart can
be at times. Now I am thinking more and feeling less it seems. And to
get back to spiritual stuff, I know I feel connected to a higher power,
and I feel that by treating others as I myself would want to be treated
is how to stay in touch with that higher power and not got myself
short circuited or even electrocuted. Sounds like you have a very strong
link to the invisible forces all around us and I think it is fantastic
that you take the time to share it and pass it on and try to teach it
to others Gail. Already I have written now a bunch of my wants,desires
and dreams, but it's not easy avoiding being negative or thinking those
negative thoughts. Wishing you all the best in the new year. Glad for
the holiday today to be able to spend more time online. People that
take care of sick folks are saints in my book. Many sick people in need
of caregiving are saints too, and I have known of some who thought
more of their caregivers than themselves. Well, will leave that one
for another time. Boy, your post was terrific, first time I was so
inspired to write down affirmations and my goals and remain positive.
Thanks for the tips Gail. Hi Vick. Wow, you really made some great
changes in your life. You are a terrific coach Vick, you and Gail, and Glenda, yes, I agree with all you said about Gail's post, just terrific!
You passed me that football and now I am determined to cross the goal
line with it, damn the obstacles, will just straight arm them away.

You can call me Barby but I ain't no doll.
Gail that was so inspirational and so true. When I was a single mom I always had good thoughts, not much money but I never worried about it and if I was down to my last dollar and had another week before I got paid, some how there would be a check in the mail for something that I wasn't expecting and that would be for $10 or $20 but that got me through until payday.

I must have lost that somewhere, but I am going to start thinking that way again. Love that "what we focus our thoughts on that manifests in our life".

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